Restrictions Jokes

I'm down with social distancing, but I think my local grocery store has gone too far.

They've put a big X on the floor to show where to stand in line at the register.

I've seen enough Roadrunner cartoons, I'm not falling for that.

Even the Chiefs didn’t show up

I'm getting so tired of all these quarantine-related restrictions.

For example, I just found out today that when I'm in public the governor is requiring me to wear pants.

.. things are so bad, the US had to organise a coup at home!

HA LAL

...because they cantaloupe.

Deutschland Uber allies was probably a bad choice for the name of the coalition.

“A disaffected and angry citizen, fed up of standing in lines for vodka, decided to go assassinate Gorbachev. He soon came back and ruefully reported that the lines to assassinate Gorbachev were even longer than the lines for vodka.”

Because of 'elf and safety restrictions.

... restrictions prohibiting family gatherings.

A concert promoter walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Now that they are easing the Covid restrictions have you been able to plan any big events?" the bartender asks. "Well, we're planning a Foreigner reunion concert for later this summer. But we're still going to require mandatory temperature ... read more

In the year 2020, the pandemic gave to me:
12 Cancelled Plans
11 Face Masks
10 Sanitizers
9 Murder Hornets
8 Zoom Calls
7 Mental Breakdowns
6 Feet Apart
5 Curbside Pickups
4 Quarantines
3 Travel Restrictions
2 Karens Complaining
And a massive shortage of Grocery S... read more

Suddenly there are a lot of covid cases in Russia. Vladimir needs to Putin a lot of restrictions on the people. Else the city will start Kremlin to pieces.

"You hear the restrictions are lifting up from 2m?"

His mate replies: "Finally we can go back to the usual 5m."

...but due to restrictions imposed by Gorbachev, the line is very long. The man loses his composure and screams, "I can't take this waiting in line anymore, I HATE Gorbachev, I am going to the Kremlin right now, and I am going to kill him!"

After 40 minutes the man returns and elbows his way ... read more

Appropriate analogy: “The curve is flattening so we can start lifting restrictions now” = “The parachute has slowed our rate of descent, so we can take it off now”.

There are two critical factors in the spread of Coronavirus. 1. How dense is the population. 2. How dense is the population.
... read more

As is well known, in this thirtieth century of ours, space travel is fearfully dull and time-consuming. In search of diversion, many crew Members defy the quarantine restrictions and pick up pets from the various habitable worlds they explore.

Jim Sloane had a rockette, which he called Teddy.... read more

It'll seem scary at first, it's happens fast, it has its ups, it has its downs, but what's most important is that you meet it's size restrictions.