UPJOKE
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Imitating Jokes

Circus and imitating birds

A man comes to the circus director and says he would like to work there.
- What are your special skills? - the director asks.
- I can imitate birds - the man replies.
- Sorry, but we already have someone who imitates birds - the director responds.
- Oh dear, that's a pity! - sighs the ma...

When my wife told me to stop imitating flamingos,

I had to put my foot down

I started dating a blind girl.

The hardest part was imitating her husband's voice.

Two newfies are robbing a house

Two newfies (guys from Newfoundland) are robbing a house.

One of them is upstairs, and after dropping a big lamp, he hears the home's owner get up to investigate the noise. As he gets close, the robber goes "Miiaaowwww" imitating a cat, then he hears the guy grubling "God damn it, stupid cat"...

Tik Tok is mostly just millions of users imitating each other.

They should change the name of the app to Kpy Kat.

Doc I can’t stop imitating the Kool Aid man...

Doctor: Oh no!

Patient: Oh yeah!

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead rob a bank..

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead decide to rob a bank. Everything goes well-they have their masks on, the bank hands over the money-awesome.

Exiting the bank, they hear sirens and see several cop cars round the corner, so they dash into a small alleyway.

The cops are quick though, a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman ,a Scotsman and an Irishman are all going to give speeches to the Deaf Society and are keen to make an impression on their audience…

The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin.

When he finishes, the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.

"Well…" he explained, "By rubbing my chest, I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing m...

On a train.

"Madam could you please ask your son to stop imitating me , its very annoying."

"I am so sorry....Jake! Stop acting stupid!"

A Family Dies in a Car Crash

The only survivor is their pet monkey. The police comes to find out what happened and as it was a dry, sunny day with no hindrances to explain the crash, they begin to interrogate the monkey.

"So, what was the boy in the back doing?" and the monkey imitates punching. "Okay, so he was hitting ...

What has two wings and an arrow?

A Chinese man imitating a phone ringing and answering the call.

"Wing, wing, arrow?"

I reckon...

This "Yourself" guy must be sick of everyone imitating him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man vs Owl

A man was invited to his best friend’s Bachelor party and told his wife he would be back by midnight at the latest. The wife, who didn’t like him going out by himself with his buddies for a night of fun told him “midnight, not a second later or there will be hell to pay”

But of course there w...

The guardsman, the commissar, and the orks.

Preface: In case you are not familiar with the Warhammer universe, if enough orks believe something, reality will warp to make it so. And no... I am not the author of the joke... Do get over it please.



Once upon a time, there was a fierce battle raging in the jungle between the Imperi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ceasefire broken!

Once upon a time Sweden and Norway was at war, The war was getting pretty bad for both sides so they decided to have a ceasefire.

At the front line there were 2 watchtowers, 1 on each side of the border and there was one Norwegian and one Swedish solider on watch out duty on each side of th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three Italians in Heaven

*side note: this joke is kinda long, there is some swearing, and the grammar mistakes are part of it because I'm imitating Italians speaking English.

Three Italian men are standing in front of St. Peter in Heaven. St. Peter says, "before I let you guys in, I would like to know how you got he...

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