My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.

It just made her more upset.

She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

A husband and wife give up their identical twin boys for adoption. They name one of them Juan and the other Amol

Years later the wife receives a letter from Juan reaching out to her, he included a picture. Elated she showed her husband who was excited to see his son doing so well in life.. weeks later they receive a letter from Amol telling them how well he is doing and also included a picture. Wife asks hubb...

Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries a photo of one of them because…

…if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. If he does so, he will be allowed to enter Heaven. The catch? At the end of the 1,000 year period, if the man asks to be let out of...

A young couple in poverty give birth to identical twins.

After much consideration they decide that the best thing for the baby boys would be to give them up for adoption so that they can have a better shot in life. One boy goes to a Spanish family who name him Juan, the second goes to an Indian family who name him Amal.

18 years pass when the birth...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call identical boobs

Identitties

If you want to pass your calculus exam, don’t sit in between two identical twins.

It’s very hard to differentiate between them.

Two identical twin brothers, George and Ted, turned 100. George's hearing was just as good as ever, but Ted was slightly deaf.

An attractive female photographer came to the retirement home to take the brothers' picture. "I'm going to take your picture," she said.

"What did she say?" asked Ted. "She says she's going to take our picture," replied George. So George and Ted followed the photographer to a room.

Ins...

I found out today that I have an identical twin brother. I got very emotional when we finally met.

I was beside myself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A set of identical boy triplets grow up doing everything together.

Naturally being brothers, they are very competitive and strive to outdo each other in everything they do. School, sports, work and most especially girls.

They get older, meet girls and all decide to settle down. Competitive streak aside, they are also extremely close and decide they will ge...

A woman has identical twins, and gives them up for adoption.

One goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to Spain and is named Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving it, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband said: "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just got fucked by identical twins.

It was a doppelgängbang.

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says:

"the parrot on the left costs $500". "Why does the parrot cost so much?" asks the man. The owner says, "Well the parrot knows how to use a computer".

The man then asks about the next parrot, to be told that this one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it kno...

What do you call it when two people bring identical lunches to the office?

A cuisine-kydink.

Sorry.

Did you hear about the identical twin police officers?

They were copies.

The nurse asked the patient to remove his clothing and put on a gown, to be checked by a doctor.

The nurse asked the patient to remove his clothing and put on a gown, to be checked by a doctor.

“In front of you”?”, he asks, shyly.

The nurse says, “Well no, but I've seen the naked human body before.”

The patient said, “Not one like mine. You would die laughing at my naked bo...

I tried to make a joke about identical frequencies and wave forms.

But it really separated the room.

I was expecting more coherence.

My sister when through a phase where she spontaneously split down the middle making two identical copies. Now they are...

My one Sis and Mitosis.

A Spanish woman was married to an Arabic man when they discovered they were going to have identical twin boys.

After much discussion, it was decided that one should be named after his paternal grandfather Amal and the other after his maternal grandfather Juan.

Years go by ...

The boys and their mom are at the grocery store one day when the boys were about 6 yrs old. As the mom was looking at...

Very few people know the scientific term for identical twins.

Fetus Repeatus.

When you’re telling a joke to identical twins, make sure you tell them the whole joke.

Because it’s really difficult to tell them a part.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend has an identical twin, but I know how to keep them apart.

She has long brown hair

And her brother has a penis

I'm dating a girl whose arms measure identically to mine when extended.

I think we're on the same wavelength.

what do we call a pair of identical twin cats?

Duplicats

What do you get when you buy 13 identical Muppets?

A beakers dozen

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

No pair of balls are identical.

In fact, there are vas deferenses between the two.

Three cowboys are riding in a truck all dressed head to toe identically who is the smartest?

The one in the middle because he doesn't have to drive and doesn't have to open the gate.

On their last day, a group of tourists traveling around Australia decide to go to a souvenir shop.

Everyone’s shopping for cool stuff until one lady stops and wonders why two absolutely identical wallets cost $100 and $1000 respectively. To which the owner replies, “They may look identical to you, Madam, but the 100-dollar wallet is made of crocodile skin, whereas the 1000-dollar one is made of c...

“My wife’s identical twin sister is living with us till she finds a job”

I said to my friend

He asked “ do you know how to tell them apart ?”

I remarked “ why should I ?”

I once had a threesome with identical twins.

Guess that makes me a dopplebanger.

Two identical twins that were separated at birth were asked how they reunited

Well, one said, “we met online and immediately noticed many physical similarities”

The other chimed in “ we both mentioned in our bio how we never actually met our parents”

“It was quite a strange coincidence that we met, huh”

“Yeah, grinder is a wonder, isn’t it?”

Identical twins, given up at birth are separated and adopted by 2 different families.

One family takes one of the twins back to their home in Mexico and the other boy is sent to live with a family in Egypt.

Years later the birth parents receive a letter from their son in Mexico and inside the letter is a picture of him.

Ecstatic, the husband runs to his wife to show h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are two identical twin brothers that live together.

One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to get off his lazy behind and go get them some food. After so...

Interview with the Pope and a Rabbi.

I am a reporter for a major monthly publication.
Generally I write human interest articles.
Last year I was given the privilege and granted an interview with the Pope.

Upon entering the Pope's office I was greeted warmly with a handshake and a hug.
The pope and I had an amazing conve...

A woman has identical twins and gives them up for adoption

One of the twin boys is adopted by a family in Spain and is named Juan. The other boy is adopted by a family in Egypt, who name him Jamal.

Years later, her son Juan connects with her and sends him a picture of himself with his family.

Feeling moved and happy that Juan is doing well, ...

If I had an identical twin...

I would have him discreetly follow me around whenever I'm hanging out with a girl. If she ever asks me "Are you single?", he will jump out of the bushes and say, "No, I'm double."

Lady goes to a tattoo artist to get a tattoo of Mike Tyson on one thigh and Evander Holyfield on the other

The artist says "Sure, no problem. It's going to take a while and be expensive though". The lady explains she's a lifelong boxing fan and they are her all time favourites. She has to have them.

After hours and hours, and excruciating pain, the tattoo artist finishes and invites her to look a...

Did you hear about the two identical bikes separated at birth?

They were long lost schwinns.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The flesh inside your cheeks is identical to the flesh inside a vagina.

You're licking the insides of your cheeks, aren't you?

What do you call Identical Twin Brothers who choose a life of crime?

Cell Mates

Job search

A company was hiring for a position and it came down to two guys , Joe and Larry. After the company put them in a room and had them take a written test, they were brought before the hiring manager to hear the decision. The manager said you both are extremely qualified and you scored identically on t...

Two redditors give birth to identical twins

They marvel at how beautiful the first kid is. "This is the cutest thing I have ever seen."

When they saw the second baby, they had only a single word to describe their reaction.

"Repost."

My wife's dog died yesterday, So I decided to cheer her up by buying an identical one...

Unfortunately instead of liking the gift, she cried and asked what is she going to do with two dead dogs

A set of identical twins are separated at birth

A mother in Italy was unable to keep her babies, she had two identical twin boys. Unfortunately she couldn’t find a family to take both children so two separate families each took one of the boys. One of the families was from Lebanon and named their son “Amal”. The other family was from Spain and...

My neighbours have two sons - identical twins names Jamal and Juan.

If you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal.

You're meeting identical triplets tonight. One's from the Army, one's a lifestyle Vegan, and one is a diehard Trump supporter. How do you tell them apart?

Don't worry. They'll tell you.

My girlfriends dog died, so to cheer her up, I bought her an identical one

She was livid. She said "this stupid jokes gets reposted almost everyday"

A girl gives birth to identical twins but has to give them up for adoption.......

One is adopted by a Spanish family and they call him Juan, the other gets adopted by an Indian family and they decide to call him Amahl.
Years go by and one day the mother, full of regret, decides she wants to know what became of her sons so she goes to the adoption agency and...

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