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Two cops are sitting in a bar when a group of loud, rude assholes start arguing behind them.

The cops tell them that people are complaining, and they should cut it out. “Fuck off!” the leader of the group yells back.

The bartender notices this, and comes up with a plan to help the cops. “Here’s what you have to do,” he says. “Just give them each one of these drinks, and they’ll stop...

Stock Market Report

Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading....

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Little old lady(long)

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and says she wants to open a savings account. The accounts person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account and the little old lady says, "Three million dollars."
The accounts person is startled, and says, "In what form?"...

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Lunch Hour

I had a meeting in about 30 minutes and would hate to present the sales pitch on an empty stomach. 15 minutes was all I had to spare and 15 minutes to rush back and prepare.
Guess what, its lunch hour and every food shop in the city appears to have a long queues. Looking around saw a restaurant n...

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