Highschool Jokes - 78 Hilarious Highschool Jokes

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A train hits a bus full of Catholic highschool girls

They all arrive at the pearly gates, waiting in line to enter heaven.

St. Peter asks the first girl, "Mary, have you ever had any contact with a penis?" She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." St. Peter says, "Well, dip the tip of your f...

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[NSFW] I've been 1 week in college and already had five times the sex I had in 3 years of highschool.

5x0=0

My highschool bully still takes my lunch money...

But on the upside, he makes great Subway sandwiches!

We've got to do something about drugs in highschools.

The prices these kids are setting are getting way out of hand.

The Highschool Reunion

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split ...

I had a girlfriend in highschool but then she left me

The other day, she came back saying she wants us to get back together. I refused.

It's not like anything has changed. She still likes rich guys and I still like teenage girls.

One of my happiest memory is when I won the science fair in highschool.

I mixed charcoal, saltpetre and sulfur and blew away the competition

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90% of Alabama Highschoolers demonstrated proficiency in Trigonometry last year...

...It's all that fucking around with Cosin(e)s.

I was rated "number 1 most likely to not murder you in a cabin in a forest" in highschool.

I know, kind of a weird thing to be rated for but you won't find someone who disagrees.

So I was in a wrestling match in highschool

It was senior night, I was in the 185 lb weight class and our team desperately needed the points from my bout. The only problem was I up against killer Kenny D from Spartanburg. Dude was going Division 1 and was all state. I didn't think I had a chance against him and his signature pretzel move. Thi...

Highschool orchestra goes fishing

Some kids from the highschool orchestra go out on a charter fishing boat during summer break.

The captain comes out to talk to them and says "Any of you kids ever cast a net?"

"No sir, we're all from the brass section"

Favorite highschool memory

Leaving

My Best Friend Decided To Play The Tuba in Highschool

He was just really into heavy metal

Hey girl, are you an American highschool?

Cause I wanna shoot some kids inside you

I was voted most artistic in Highschool

I was also voted most dyslexic

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4 highschool friends have a reunion...

As they sit down, they all start to mingle and the conversation turns to their sons. At this point, the fourth friend goes to the bathroom.

Friend 1: My son was so successful, he started at the bottom of a construction company and now owns it! He got to build himself a mansion.

Friend ...

How do you measure highschoolers?

In joules

In highschool, I won the "most secretive" award!

I can't tell you how much it meant to me.

In highschool, my girlfriend and I were asked to rearrange PNSEI to form a word

She said Spine and went on to become a doctor.
And the rest of us are reading this on reddit

When my future children ask me about my highschool graduation...

And how I answer:

“The graduation was great! But the reception was terrible.”

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I was at my 20 year highschool reunion and a friend asked, "If you could have sex with any girl from highschool who would it be?"

I told him I think we are getting a little old for highschool girls, maybe we should date people our own age.

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My highschool physics teacher always used to say "Time will pass."

"Will you?"

Did you know that highschoolers can drink in Mississippi?

I mean you can't stop them after they turn 21.

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Sex in prison is a lot like the sex in highschool.

The sex you want, you ain’t getting....and the sex you getting...you...dont...want

Quarantine is feeling more and more like highschool in the 00's

We’re all day dreaming about how to get out of the house, no one has any standards around booz consumption, and emo culture is at an all time high.

Why did the ice cube drop out of highschool?

It was too cool for school.

What do you call a nerd after highschool?

Boss

My highschool teacher just became a grandfather

True story, a little background I had a teacher in highschool that I kept up with after graduation, he is also a little Aspergery.

So I just found out that he became a grandfather so I asked him What are you gonna have the kid call you ie grandad, grandpa, gramps etc... And in complete seriou...

There once was a boy who had a crush on a girl from his highschool class

When prom came around, he gathered up the courage to ask her to be his date for the prom, and to his luck She said yes.

He had big plans for the night, and wanted everything to be perfect.

So when the time came, he first went to the tuxedo rental place, but when He Got there, there w...

Too bad they won't allow dogs to graduate highschool.

They're just K-9.

A highschool senior is coming up on his senior prom and really wants the night to go right

Senior Prom is coming up, and Joe really wants to not have any regrets moving forward into adulthood. There's this girl, Sally, that he's been pining over for years, so he girds his loins and asks her to go with him to the event, and lo and behold she says yes.

Now Joe is starstruck, the ...

Nic Cage was a straight A highschool student

but he slacked off one semester.

When he got his report card, he shouted "Bs! Not the Bs!"

I was put into a special ed class in highschool.......

I came for the easy grades, but I stayed.....

...***For the ladies***

I'll never forget the Do's and Don'ts my Christian Health teacher taught me in highschool.

Do's: Don't

Don'ts: Do

It's the day of a highschooler's first prom....

and he's excited to take his sweetheart to the dance.

He goes to the flower shop to get flowers. He expects there to be a lot of people buying flowers, but there's no flower line.

Next he goes to a store that has tuxedos. He expects there to be other kids shopping for tuxes, but there...

If America is the guy that peaked in highschool and Canada is that guy's younger brother that did something with his life, who are the parents

England and racism

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I Got Pull Over Today (real conversation with cop)

So….today I got pulled over about 15 feet from the front of my building on my way to work for rolling a stop as I was putting my seatbelt on. I just left it unbuckled so he didn’t think I was trying to pull one over on him.

Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Me: Because I’m an...

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A whole crowd is gathered for the highschool orchestra concert. Its quite the ordeal and every seat is filled, but a phone call informs the the principal that the conductor had been in a car accident!

Nothing serious, but both his wrists were sprained and he could not conduct this evening!
A quick staff meeting and one short straw later; the gym coach made his way out to the waiting audience. Megaphone in hand, the gym teacher walks center stage announcing in a slight static over the megaphone...

A college student is giving a highschooler a tour of the University.

So there are two guys, one is a college Sophomore and the other is a highschool senior. The Sophomore is giving the highschooler a tour of the University.

"And here we have the Women's Studies department."
The highschooler, a smartass, replies, "What about the Men's studies department?"...

What do you call someone that had great potential in highschool, but now has no friends, no career aspirations, and is satisfied with a menial job?

Idk what others would say, but I know my dad is refusing to call me "son"

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The chicks at my junior highschool are awesome - today the hottest girl in my English class passed me a note saying she would blow me after school.

I fuckin love my new teaching job!

I'm a sophomore in highschool and trying to come up with a joke to include into my physics project, funny-smart people of reddit help me out!

So I'm working on a project with a partner that needs to explain how potatoes and oranges can become batteries by sticking metal in them. I don't want it to be bland though, so if you guys can tell me how to make it funny it'd be great! Thanks

Why did Alabama raise its drinking age to 34?

They wanted to keep alcohol away from highschools.

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A boy meet his girlfriend's father for the first time....

A highschool boy drives over to pick up his girlfriend, her father answers the door along with an old dog.

The boy is asked to sit and wait, but he is very nervous and becomes gassy. (Thankfully I am sitting right next to the dog he thinks to himself)

The boy lets out a silent but stin...

The Exam

Three Highschool Sr's decided to blow off their final exam for their logic class, and spend the day getting wasted.

When they returned to class the next day they explained to the professor that they were unable to get to class the day before due to a flat tire and no cell phone coverage in th...

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A man and his son go to the Pharmacy

While looking for his medicine the kid looks to a pack of condoms and asks his dad: Dad, what is this?

His dad replies: those are condoms son, people use them so they can safely have fun together, while under the blankets.

A few moments later the kid point to a pack of 3 condoms and as...

I have a PhD

Public Highschool Diploma

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One of the Saddest Stories I’ve Ever Heard

The HighSchool Girls National diving team’s plane crashed into the ocean, and they washed up on a deserted island.

Physically, the few survivors were unharmed, but as the days past, their minds began to crack as they realized that they had not the tools, knowledge, or materials to build a wor...

The best thing about college is it forces you to have confidence

Like in highschool i never had the confidence to walk in front of a moving car.

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A guy was standing on the edge of Golden gate bridge...

... contemplating suicide. Out of nowhere comes out Santa and asks the guy:

Ho ho ho, whats the matter son?

Guy replies:

It's too much for me. This life isn't worth living for...

S:

Well, son, tell me what's wrong, I'm Santa i make wishes come true.

G:
...

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Rating my past girlfriends

My girlfriend in highschool? She was steamin hot. My girlfriend in college? She was sizzlen hot. My girlfriend now? She's fuckin smokin!

She was diagnosed with lung cancer last week.

When is a door not a door?

When it is ajar.

Edit (back story): the origin of this joke came from a road trip back when I was in highschool (about 17 years ago). My buddy left the car door open and the dash displayed "the door is ajar". He thought it was funny, since we're use to seeing the "door open" icon and woul...

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Little Johnny asked his teacher if he could talk to her after class

Johnny:" Miss I believe im too smart for my age I want to move on directly to high-school, I'm bored in here."
Hearing that, teacher can't believe his audacity, but nevertheless aranges with the principal an exam in his office for the boy.
The principal is astounded to find that Johnny had an...

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Kid asks is paw why do these condoms come in 3 packs?

Father: Those are for highschool boys son. One for Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Son: Then what is this 6 pack for?

Father: Those are for college men! 2 for Friday 2 for Saturday and 2 for Sunday!

Son: WOW!! And the 12 pack of condoms?

Father: Sigh.... Thos...

Jenga Towers

At Highschool we have a test every week and my teacher lets the person with the highest score bring in their favourite board game. For years, my favourite game has been Jenga, the falling towers game.

So on friday the 8th in the first week of September I finally get the highest score and the ...

Prom is near.

So prom is near.
A couple named Jacob and Scarlet have been dating for a few months and Jacob asks her if she wants to go to prom.

"Of course!" she says. "But I require three things first. A limo, flowers, and you must wear a tux."

"Okay" says Jacob.

He has procrastinated t...

So I went to this concert with my wife

And I recognized one of the violin players from my highschool marching band. He played fine, but not outstanding. My wife also recognized him. So after the concert we decided to say hi.

"Has anyone told you that you were the best violin player in the world?"

My friend was quite surpris...

My friend has a PHD.

Even though he only has a Public Highschool Diploma, he has been living a pretty happy life.

Side note: My father loves to make this joke, so I had to share.

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The boy with the wooden eye.

There was a poor kid in Highschool who only had one eye. He couldn't afford a glass eye so he had one made out of wood. The wooden eye looked terrible and he was very self-conscious about it.

Despite his appearance he always tried to score a date with the hottest girls in school. One day in ...

A blonde, a burnette and a redhead are stranded on an island 15 miles from shore...

The burnette says "I have always been a very good swimmer, I will swim to shore and send help." She swims out 5 miles then drowns.

The next day the redhead says, "I was on the swim team in highschool, I know I can swim 15 miles, I will go get help." She swims out 10 miles and drowns.

T...

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Priest

A bunch of highschool students was about to get blessings from their local priest.

The priest asked the first girl "have you ever touched a penis?" The girl answered that she had indeed touched one with her index finger, the priest asked the girl to wash her finger in the holy water after whi...

Anyone can tell me some good husband/wife jokes that end in "and then the fight started"

like the joke on here bout the wifes highschool reunion and the drunk ex bf, and the husband goes "my god how could anyone go so long celebrating!. And then the fight started"

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I had a stutter when I was a kid

It was embarrassing and all of the other kids made fun of me for most of my life. Finally, when I was a junior in highschool, my parents sent me to a doctor.
“D-d-doctor”, says I, “p-p-please help me. I h-h-h-have this terrible stutter”
Doc said “Son, I have some bad news for you....your peni...

Kayd Layd and Jake Lake are competitive twin brothers.

As toddlers they'd broken both arms racing to the top of an oak tree. As teens, they went to two different highschools so that they could compete against each other in their local Wrestling League.

"Those two," their family would say. "Those two are always trying to prove who's best." But the...

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So a Bus Full of Nuns is Driving Through The Mountains. . .

When suddenly the driver nods off, and they careen over the edge of a cliff plummeting to their deaths.

When they open their eyes, infront of them stand the majestic pearly gates, and Sainst peter sitting at a desk waiting.

"Okay ladies, listen up, I need to ask each of you a question,...

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Timmy just loves clowns. Favourite thing in the world.

He's got clown bed spread, posters in his room, the whole shabang. Totally idolizes them

One day, Timmy sees that the big top circus is coming to town. He gets so excited that, when it finally arrived, he camps outside the ticket booth, waitimg to get the best seat in the house. And when he g...

The story of Tym

There once was a guy named Tym (Tim spelled T.Y.M.)

Anyways, in a casual conversation with his boss, Tym says,

"I will bet you $100 that I personally know anyone in the world, anyone you can name"

The boss, obviously did not believe this and replies with Lebron James....

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John arrives home from work one day to hear a voice in his head telling him to quit his job

...quit his job, sell it all, and fly to Vegas. Day after day, it is the same thing. "John, quit your job, sell the house, don't tell the wife, and fly to Vegas."

Over time it starts to get more and more specific.

"John, quit your job at the bank. Sell the house for no less than $200k...

A boy asks a girl to prom

So there's this boy in highschool, around 16 years old and he very nervously and timidly asks this beautiful girl out to prom. Out of his league and the most beautiful I'm the school. He's shocked and quite startled when he hears "id love to go!" Leave her lips.
Short on time with days till or, h...

Who's that band?

A little bar in a small town was having a concert night and most of the town showed up. They were curious to see who in this town of everyone-knows-everyone would go up and perform.

The barman introduced up on stage a couple of highschool kids, the Little Rascals, that were going through the...

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Prom Night Date

Johnny, a senior in a stereotypical highschool, has a huge crush on a girl named Sally, who is in his 5th period World History.

Johnny wanted to capitalize on the upcoming prom to ask out Sally, so Johnny waited in line for two tickets to prom. Johnny tried to arrive early, but the line w...

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Limericks

Pretend that America's pastime is limericks instead of baseball. So two men, Earl P. Erickson, a Harvard graduate and valedictorian, and Billy Steaz, who dropped out of highschool as a senior. These bright men were in a competition for limericks. They had been in a even field for two days, neither b...

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Once there was a woman...

that had such a strong sexual drive that she couldn't find the right husband so she decided to have a contest of who can fuck her the hardest and make her orgasm.

3 people arrived. A black person, a white person and an Asian.

Both the black man and the white man looked at the Asian and...

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My old man always told me to take the lead

I was never the brighest kid in class, i always saw myself as the silent type who sat silently in the back of the class. Maybe there was a reason for that, I always loved to look at myself as the mysterious type of person.
During my years of highschool, i never had a girlfriend, dont really know ...

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[Long] One of my favorite jokes from BoJack Horseman

Okay so there's this gardener right?
So the amazing thing about this gardener is that he always knows exactly how many bags of mulch he needs for a job, just by looking. Like he gets it right, every time. He's the best.
So one day, he looks at a yard he's working on and he's like... 18 bags. S...

The sad tale of George and Karen.

George and Karen were highschool sweet hearts, and got married at 19. They were the perfect couple. Except for one thing.

For ten years, George and Karen gave it their all to have a baby. They calculated her cycles, ate right, and went to doctors. But, in the end Geroge just didn't produce en...

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A boy is buying his first motorcycle

His mother is mortified that after saving up all through highschool he's going to risk his life and
buy a motorcycle in college. She asks him why he wants to ride and he replies "Because it's cool,
I'm an adult now, I want to feel free for once in my life"

His mum took that to heart. S...

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Yesterday my GF seemed very nervous about giving me head...

..and instead was wildly smacking and hitting my thighs and lower stomach.
She seemed to be beating around the bush.

People always say I should be lucky to be able to live off workers comp, but it cost me an arm and a leg!

I was out of town for a couple weeks and I decided letting m...

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