Why couldn't Harry Potter find Hermione?

He was looking at all the Ron places

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Harry Potter has way too many characters...

Even J.K. Rowling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.

Christians and Harry Potter fans have one thing in common.

They get mad at you when you say that their book has plotholes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Harry Potter say when Hermione kicked him in the balls?

RESPECTO MY SCROTUM!

For my cake day, a Harry Potter joke I made up when I was a kid...

*Knock-knock*

~ Who’s there?

~ You know

~ you know who?

*avada kedavra!*

Sorry if everyone knows that one, 7 year old me thought I was being very clever.

Harry Potter wakes up in hospital.

"Welcome back. You've been in a coma for 8 years" says the doctor. "You ran face first into a wall. LMAO".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Harry Potter call his diarrhea?

Expellianus

Why did Harry Potter suddenly go bald in his teens?

He lost his Hedwig.

I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted.

The fifth one though was dead Sirius.

How does the author of Harry Potter get down a hill? By walking.

JK. Rolling

How did Harry Potter travel during the pandemic ?

“ flue” powder

Hagrid cremates Harry Potter and throws his ashes into a snowstorm

"You're a blizzard, Harry"

What’s the difference between Harry Potter and a spelling bee contestant?

One conjures spells and the other spells conjure.

How do you sort out Harry Potter books?

Using the Dobby Decimal System

Harry Potter joke

Harry Potter had a fight with a teacher and got Ex-Spelled

A duck walked into a Harry Potter toy store, and he said to the man, running the store: “hey...

got any Snapes?”

Virtually every Harry Potter character can teach us a lesson.

For example, Barty Crouch Jr. taught us that drinking can make you Moody.

Dairy Queen should have had a Harry Potter promotion.

You're a blizzard Dairy.

What do you get when you cross Harry Potter with Luke Skywalker?

Scar Wars.

What kind of drink would Harry Potter order at a bar?

Something Gin-ey

How are abortions done in the Harry Potter universe?

*Fetus Deletus*

How does Harry Potter enter Hogwarts?

Through the Dumbledore.

Why did the Hogwarts admissions office replace its typists' keyboards after Harry Potter was admitted?

There were too many repeated letters.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are talking. Harry says, "Ron, I'm gay."

"Are you fucking serious?!" asks Ron.

"Yeah...that too," says Harry.

I liked the Harry Potter books and films but...

I think the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed

Harry Potter walks into a bar.

Because I put them on his bedroom window.

I heard they found Harry Potter licking packages in the mailroom again...

Parceltongue

On a scale of one to ten, my obsession with Harry Potter

is nine and three quarters.

You know Harry Potter and the order of the Phoenix ?

That’s when they books starting getting dead Sirius

In the Harry Potter books, Sirius Black is in his early 30's,

... but in the movies, he look like an Oldman.

What’s the most common STD in Harry Potter?

Hog Warts

You know that scene in Harry Potter where his godfather dies?

That was a dead Sirius moment

I’ve started a Harry Potter themed food blog.

Fantastic Feasts and Where to Find Them

Harry Potter could make a great mafia boss

He always catches the snitch

My girlfriend got really upset when we watched the Harry Potter movies back to back

It isn’t my fault I was the one facing the tv

I have an old wine barrel that is haunted by the ghost of a pirate. The ghost is quite friendly and really enjoys when you memorise passages from one of the Harry Potter books and then lean into the barrel and recite the passage.

Sure, its unusual, but don't read too much into it.

Why was Harry Potter such a good computer programmer?

Because he spoke python.

Haha
Haha

What happens when Harry Potter says accidental?

Someone loses a tooth.

What did Harry Potter say to Luke Skywalker?

Hey, at least when I Slytherin a sister, she's not mine!

Credit for that line to the new Epic Rap Battle of history, by the way.

What did Harry Potter say when he found out the werewolf that had been terrorising his school was his Godfather?

You cannot be Sirius

I used to be jealous of Harry Potter for being able to talk to snakes.

But it turns out, I've been doing it for years.

How does Harry potter fuel his car?

He goes Execto petroleum

Harry Potter became vegan...

Now he only speaks parsleytongue

I watched the Harry Potter films for the first time at the weekend

They were okay, but a bit unrealistic: a ginger schoolkid with two friends?

My little boy asked me today "dad when you were in college, did you live in a dorm just like the ones in Harry Potter?"

"Yeah," I said, "Pretty much. And even though we don't have defence against the dark art, every class is like defence against the dark art."

"Oh you mean you have to learn lot's of useful things?"

"No, it's just that our prefessor sucks ass, hates us and wanna fail us all the time."

You know those brooms they ride around on in Harry Potter? How much do they cost?

About a quid each...

Harry Potter cant find the difference between his cooking pot from his best friend,

They're both cauldron

Why did the protons vote for Harry Potter tp be president?

Because they didnt want to Elect Ron

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What spell did Harry Potter use to cure constipation?

Expelianus!

Harry Potter woke up in the Hospital.

A bit confused Harry asked "where am I?"

Doctor: "why, you were in a coma and just awoke in this fine hospital"

"Why am I in a muggle Hospital?" he mumbled to himself

slightly hearing him the doctor spoke " Son, Take it easy, you ran face first into a wall and have been in a com...

Harry Potter Joke

Hagrid: "You're a unit of power, Harry."

Harry: "I'm a watt?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I honestly don’t understand why the church is so against Harry Potter

Nothing guarantees you pre martial virginity more than talking about what animal you patronus would be and what your wand would be made of.

What do you call Harry Potter going through puberty?

Hairy Pitter

(not mine) I hate the Harry Potter franchise, it's too unrealistic.

I mean I'm not saying magic is impossible, everyone on my estate fights with sticks, there may even be the odd unicorn about, but who, has ever seen a ginger kid with two mates ?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Harry Potter and Fast & Furious crossover movie

Bitches be vroomin', Witches be broomin'

I finally read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.

I know it’s only 6 words, but I’m proud of myself.

What's the difference between Harry Potter and a jew?

Harry Potter came out of the chamber.

Harry potter refuses to acknowledge he is imaginary

He is in daniel.

Harry Potter fans be like: ”I wanna go to Hogwarts!”

Narnia fans be like: ”I wanna go to Narnia!”

Hunger Games fans be like: ”I’m good...”

Harry Potter sees a black dog...

Harry: Sirius, is that you in disguise?

Sirius: I am, surely, and don't call me Sirius

I think Harry Potter would fit in well working at the post office...

Apparently he's got the rare gift of being able to speak Parceltongue.

My girlfriend spends all my money on Harry Potter books and merchandize

How do i tell her it's not hermoine

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do they call a tentacle porn in a Harry Potter universe?

Squidditch

How does Harry Potter like his sandwiches to be cut ?

Diagon alley

What do Harry Potter and the Bloods have in common?

They're both after a golden snitch.

I liked the Harry Potter books and movies but...

I just feel like the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Harry Potter and Kermit the Frog's penis have in common?

Hogwarts.

What is a dermatologist's favorite aspect of the Harry Potter series?

Quit-itch

I dislike people who constantly make Harry Potter references and I hate the use of malapropism for comedic effect but...

I’ll admit I’m a bit of a hippogryph sometimes.

What do you call a moile in the Harry Potter wizarding world?

Professor Snip

Roses are red, Violets are blue. If you don’t like Harry Potter puns,

Something is Siriusly Ron with you.

How did the author of harry potter go down the hill?

Walking.


J.k. Rowling



Dont know if this has been posted here but it made eveyone look at me weird on the lrt.

I was helping my grandpa fold some laundry yesterday and noticed something odd. On one shirt he had a silloutte of Sherlock Holmes, on another a picture of Harry Potter, on a third was printed an image of Frankenstein, and on a fourth, a girl who appeared to be Anne of Green Gables.

I asked my grandpa, "Are all these graphic shirts really yours?"

"Yes they are, " my grandpa replied sheepishly "I just can't resist buying novel tees."

(NSFW) What's the difference between Harry potter and jewish people?

Harry could escape the chambers

Harry Potter is invited to a... "gathering" at Hogwarts one night.

He is told to go through the door marked by a gryphon. As he does so, he wonders what this is all about. When he enters the room, he is stunned to see Malfoy obviously inebriated on the floor, just slitherin' over to the side, towards a guy who would repeatedly huff 'n' puff clouds of smoke. Next to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What magic spell does Harry Potter use when he get diarrhoea from a chocolate mousse?

Expelli-arse-mousse

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