Sherlock Holmes Jokes - 62 Hilarious Sherlock Holmes Jokes

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson was taking the train

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson was taking the train one day when they passed a huge flock of sheep in a field. As quickly as they had observed the fluffy cloud it had passed out of view.

"So many sheep!" Watson exclaimed. "I wonder how many there were?"

"Elementary, Dear Watson. There ...

Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock Holmes is inspecting a bed. He says to Watson, "this bed is missing something." Watson replies "no sheet sherlock."

Sherlock Holmes arrives back at Baker Street as Watson is heading out of the door.

"Where are you off to Watson?"

"Oh, I've got a date with Ella from down the road. She left me a note for where to meet." Says Watson, "see you in a few hours!" and he leaves, shutting the door behind him.

30 minutes later, Watson returns.

Sherlock is sitting in his chair, smok...

The curious case of Sherlock Holmes

We all know the most brilliant detective of all Sherlock Holmes.

Well one day a lady came to his office inquiring him about something quite unusual.

She asked him this, "If you're the greatest detective of all then can you tell which color panties am I wearing today?"

Sherlock h...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip.

After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"
...

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Sherlock Holmes and Watson were walking home one night

when Sherlock Homes suddenly stopped.

"Dear God. I just stepped on something brown and icky. Tell me Watson, was it mud?"

Watson looked back at what Holmes stepped on and said "No. Shit Sherlock".

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went camping.

They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.
Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see."
Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."
Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"...

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Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock was requiring the assistance of Watson on a case. He knocks at the lavatory door, where Watson has been for the last half an hour. Sherlock- "What's taking you so long Watson?". Watson- "nothing is coming out sir". Sherlock- "what do you mean?". Watson- "like no shit, Sherlock".

How does Sherlock Holmes get all the ladies?

Seductive reasoning.

Why are Sherlock Holmes' taxes so low?

He's a master of deduction.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are on a camping trip

After a hearty meal and a good bottle of wine, they lay down to sleep.
Suddenly, in the middle of the night, Holmes wakes his trusted companion and asks "Watson, what do you see?" Rubbing his sleepy eyes, Watson answers: "I see millions and millions of stars."
"Correct, Watson, and what do...

What is Sherlock Holmes' favorite type of rock?

Sedimentary, my dear Watson.

Sherlock Holmes and Watson went camping.

As they lay down in their sleeping bags, Sherlock calls out to Watson and says 'The stars are quite visible this evening. What do you think that means?'

Watson replies, 'Well, I think it means that there's a whole universe out there that remains unexplored and filled with mysteries and world...

I asked my friend, “Did you hear about the book about Sherlock Holmes’ son?”

Friend: What son?

Me: No. That’s his doctor sidekick.

Sherlock Holmes was always reluctant to take credit for solving a mystery

Oh it was nothing, he would say. The police would have solved it in time.

Everyone knew he was just being modest. Be he ever so humble, there's no Police like Holmes.

I’m going to make a Sherlock Holmes game that is 12 inches long.

I’m going to call it
The Games A Foot.

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Sherlock Holmes is searching for a criminal.

The criminal assaulted several people, then spent the night at a hotel. He and Watson spent several hours searching the room top and bottom for DNA evidence left behind by the staff. Then, Watson had an idea.
The idea was to look in the room’s sewage, for urine, waste, and dead skin cells. They a...

Why did Sherlock Holmes visit a Mexican restaurant?

Because he was looking for a good case idea.

not NSFW: Watson sees Sherlock Holmes planting a tree and asks him, "What kind of tree are you planting?"

Holmes: "A lemon tree my dear watson"

Sherlock Holmes returned to 221B Baker Street

He was carrying a box of lemons in his arms.

When Doctor Watson saw the box, he asked "Well where did those come from?"

And Holmes answered "A lemon tree, my dear Watson."

Why can't Sherlock Holmes solve ANY crimes in Alabama?

He can't find any dental records, and all the DNA is the same for everyone.

Sherlock Holmes constructs an entire door out of lemons

Watson approaches him and asks why he did that

Sherlock replied “ Lemon entry dear Watson”

"Dad, look, I'm Sherlock Holmes' sidekick."

"You're what, son?

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were walking through a park...

They passed three women sitting on a bench each eating a banana. All three women greeted Sherlock Holmes "Good afternoon Mr. Holmes." and Sherlock acknowledged each woman with a nod and a smile.

When they were some distance away, Dr. Watson turned to him and asked "Sherlock do you know thos...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go camping

In the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson up and asks “tell me, Watson, what do you observe?”

Watson replies “it is a clear, cloudless sky. To the east I see the constellation of Orion whereby I can trail the handle of the plough pointing to Polaris, the North Star. As my eyes adjust to ...

Dr. Watson was again impressed by Sherlock Holmes’ diverse set of skills, as Watson asked inquisitively as to what tree Sherlock was planting...

To which Sherlock replied, “Why, that’s a lemon tree, my dear Watson.”

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What did Watson say to Sherlock Holmes when they found an empty diaper at the crime scene?

No shit Sherlock

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson were having a conversation.

Sherlock turned to Watson. "Observe the stars above us and the grass below us, what can you deduce? You know my methods."

Watson thought carefully. "From the position of the stars, i can deduce our approximate location, as well as the month. The grass is moist, so it has obviously rained rece...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson decide to go camping.

They pack their camping gear into the car and drive into the countryside. After a long drive and a light dinner they pitch their tent, climb inside, and are soon fast asleep in their sleeping bags.

In the middle of the night Sherlock shakes Watson awake. He points to the full moon and says, "...

Sherlock Holmes: My dear Watson, you have a mole on your right upper thigh.

Watson (Amazed): Yes! How did you know?

Holmes: Simple my dear Watson, you forgot to put on your pants.

P.S. My dad told me this today.

What is Sherlock Holmes Favorite Mexican dish?

Case Ideas

Sherlock Holmes and his partner are walking in the woods...

...they happen upon a tree bearing yellow fruit. Watson asks, "What the hell is that?", Sherlock responds, "A lemon tree my dear Watson."

Ordered a Sherlock Holmes game online...

Received a podiatric prosthesis instead...

Must unravel this strange mystery.

The game is afoot.

Sherlock Holmes shares good news with Watson at a pub one night...

"I've gone and found myself a girlfriend!" exclaims Holmes.

"Well, right on!" said Watson. "You must tell me more about her."

"She's on the short side, extremely innocent, and she's a determined, hard-working schoolgirl."

"A schoolgirl, eh? Good to hear she cares about her educ...

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Sherlock Holmes Looks at the Night Sky

Sherlock Holmes and Watson are laying in their sleeping bags looking up at the midsummer sky. Sherlock turns to Watson and asks, "Watson, what do you see?"

"Stars and the moon, dear Holmes," he says.

"What does it mean?" Sherlock asks.

"Well," says Watson. "It ...

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Sherlock Holmes arrives at a crime scene, and immediately bends down to pick up a button on the floor.

“Hmm…” Sherlock ponders, “I deduce that the individual this button belongs to is 6’ 1”, was born in January, and has a fascination with blueberry muffins.”

Watson was completely confused by his partner’s deduction.

“How could you possibly get all that from just a button?”

“Eleme...

Do you know what grade sherlock Holmes was in when he solved his first case?

Elementary my dear!

Sherlock Holmes and Watson go Camping

They spend the day tracking small animals, fishing, and having a grand time by the shores of a remote lake, before cooking up their dinner and settling into their beds and drifting off to sleep.

Sometime after midnight, Holmes wakes up feeling insightful.
He wakes Watson up.

"Watson...

Sherlock Holmes was at home one night...

Sherlock Holmes was at home one night, when he gets a call to investigate a crime. So he rings Watson, and asks him to meet him at the scene. Sherlock arrives, and finds the body of a woman dead in the middle of the kitchen floor. He also quickly notices a giant lemon next to the woman, and a hol...

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Sherlock Holmes is looking for evidence at a crime scene with another officer.

Sherlock: I heard the suspect fed the victim an excessive amount of laxatives. Tell me if you find any feces in the area.

*30 minutes later, the office comes back empty handed *

Sherlock: So you didn’t find any?

Officer: No shit, Sherlock.

Watson asked Sherlock Holmes a question.

Watson: "Say Holmes, did you skip any part of your education when you were young?"

Sherlock Holmes: "Elementary, my dear Watson."

Sherlock Holmes and his assistant Watson are solving a mystery

Sherlock: all the bodies were outside he school gates

Watson: how do you know that? I don’t see them.

Sherlock: Elementary my dear Watson, I can see blood that must have congregated around the bodies forming these shapes *points at the ground*

Watson: well what else do you know?...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, the fire dwindling nearby, Holmes said: "Watson, look up and tell me what you see".

Watson said "I see a fantastic panorama of countless of stars".

Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"

Watso...

What did Sherlock Holmes say to his sidekick once they had found the stolen Sandstone statue?

It's sedimentary my dear Watson!

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson were going camping.

They set up their tent, started a campfire, and laid down their sleeping bags inside of the tent. After a few hours of playing cards and joking by the fire, they extinguished the fire and went to sleep. Holmes awoke Watson in the middle of the night and they looked up at the starry night sky.
...

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Sherlock Holmes and Watson are called to investigate a murder at a quarry one day...

When they arrive at the scene of the crime, it's already been taped off and other investigators are there. Holmes and Watson push their way to the front as they typically do and start going to work.

"Holmes, look at this, what is it?" Watson asked.

"Why that's the butt end of a cigar o...

Why doesn't sherlock holmes ever drink tea made in hospitals?

He really hates more ER tea

Why doesn't Sherlock Holmes pay any income tax?

Because he makes so many brilliant deductions.

How does Sherlock Holmes go to the bathroom? OC

By process of elimination.

SHERLOCK HOLMES WAS CAMPING WITH DR. WATSON

Sherlock Holmes was camping with Dr. Watson…

…and Mr. Holmes turned to his assistant: Tell me, Watson, what do you see?

Watson was puzzled by the remark, but he looked up and said, “Stars. Millions and millions of them.”

Holmes responded: “I agree. And Dr. Watson, certainly you ...

Sherlock Holmes turned to Dr Watson and announced

"The murderer lives in the house with the yellow door."

"Good grief, Holmes," said Watson. "How on earth did you deduce that?"

"It's a lemon entry, my dear Watson."

What did Sherlock Holmes say after being asked to get a paternity test?

Wat*son*?

What do Sherlock Holmes and a man on a toilet have in common?

They're both deducing.

Tesla, Oscar Wilde, and Sherlock Holmes walk into a bar.

The punchline of this joke was patented and then hidden by Thomas Edison.

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Sherlock Holmes and his assistant, Watson were visiting United States...

Both came across a primary school and Sherlock turned to his assistant, "Elementary, my dear Watson." Watson replied "No shit, Sherlock."

Sherlock Holmes and Watson go camping

Towards the end of the evening, they decide to turn into their tent and sleep.

Around 3AM, Sherlock rouses Watson awake

"Watson! Watson!!"

Watson opens his eyes and sees a beautiful night sky full of shimmering stars.

"What do you see Watson?"

"Well Dr Holmes, I se...

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson were investigating a case.

Suddenly Dr. Watson started having constipation and he retired to the nearest lavatory.

After some time passed, Holmes went to check up on Watson.

"You all right in there, Watson?"

"Yes, Holmes."

"Still having bouts of constipation, don't you?"

"Yeah, no shit, Sher...

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Sherlock Holmes goes camping

Sherlock Holmes and Watson go camping one night.
They've had a great evening but it's getting late so they go to sleep.
In the middle of the night Holmes elbows Watson awake and says - Watson, look up at the stars and tell me what you deduce. Watson looks up and says - Well, there's million of...

Sherlock Holmes & John Watson were riding along in a carriage.

They went past a fruit orchard with numerous trees laden with apples. One odd tree stood out from the rest.

Watson was curious, "What's that Holmes?"

Sherlock replied, "A Lemon Tree, my dear Watson."

Sherlock Holmes and Watson are on a camping trip...

and in the middle of the night, Sherlock nudges Watson awake. He says "Watson, look up, and tell me what you see."

Watson says "well, I see the stars, and that makes me think about our place in the universe. In the face of such cosmic vastness, aren't we really just insignificant? And what o...

Sherlock Holmes and Watson are watching an orchestra

All of a sudden, a high- pitched trumpet was heard. The auditorium went silent. Holmes whispered to Watson,"who do you think played the wrong note?"

"I think it was the tuba player", Watson replied.

"How do you figure that?", asked Holmes, confused.

"Why, the man fa...

Sherlock Holmes and Watson find themselves at a scene of utter carnage...

As Holmes, who had a nose for danger, quietly fingered the bloody knife and eyed the various body parts strewn along the dark, deserted highway, he placed his ear to the ground and, with his heart in his throat, silently mouthed to his companion, “Arm yourself Watson, there's an evil hand afoot ahea...

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