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Pubic Hair Jokes

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My favourite joke to perform. Terrible accent recommended.

Pierre, zee French fighter pilot is with his amour.

"Oh, Pierre, I want you to kiss me", she exclaims.

And so he tilts her chin up and leans in, but just before he plants a kiss on her lips, he pours a little red wine on them, and then goes in for the kiss.

"Oh, Pierre, mon di...

What is 500ft wide and has no pubic hair?

What is 500 ft wide and has no pubic hair?


The first row of a Justin Bieber concert.

A man yells to his waiter: “There’s a pubic hair in my soup!”

Waiter: “No reason to be so upset, it is just a hair”
Man: “I understand, it’s just a little hair, but i prefer things with right timing!”
Waiter: ”And how’s that?”
Man: ”Let’s say you go down on your wife, would you be ok finding a spaghetti?”

I wish my pubic hair was emo...

...so that it would cut itself.

How does a redhead shave their pubic hair?

Very gingerly.

I found my first grey pubic hair today

I just didn’t expect it to be in my Big Mac

I found my first grey pubic hair last night.

Last time I ever eat Grandma's Christmas dinner

In Minecraft nobody can grow pubic hair

They can only grow cubic hair

An Australian man set his pubic hair on fire.

I guess you could call that an Australian bushfire

Why is pubic hair curly ?

If it was straight you could poke your eye out !

There are only two types of hair: public hair and pubic hair.

But that's one L of a difference.

What do you call a policewoman who shaves her pubic hair?

Constable

Being 62, I wasn't surprise to find my first grey pubic hair today.

What surprised me was finding it in the McDonald's cheeseburger I had for lunch.

What’s the difference between parsley and pubic hair?

Nothing...

When encountered simply move aside and carry on eating

What do you call a Chinese man's pubic hair?

His low- mane

How many shaves does it take to remove all a persons pubic hair?

A brazillion!

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My pubic hair trimming business will limit itself to female customers for the first few months.

I'm new to this, so I don't want to go nuts right away.

What's the last sound you hear before a pubic hair hits the floor?

*PTUUI*

A daughter accidentally sees her mother getting out of the shower...

The girl points at the mom’s pubic hair and says “Mommy, what’s that?” The mom, not knowing how to respond, replies “Uh, it’s my washcloth”. The daughter accepts this answer and runs off to play.

About two weeks later, the mother finds herself in the same precarious situation. “Mommy! Where d...

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Life is like a pubic hair on a toilet seat...

sooner or later you'll get pissed off.

A bloke goes into the job centre in Newcastle and sees a card advertising for a gynaecologist’s assistant; intrigued, he goes in to find out more…

‘Can you give me some more details about this?’ he says to the guy behind the desk.

The job centre guy sorts through his files and replies, ‘Ah yes, I've had quite a few enquiries about this one; the job involves you getting patients ready for the gynaecologist – you have to help them out of ...

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Peter Piker

When Peter Piker peeked at Penny,

And peeped her perfect pooper

His peepers paused and then his jaw

Plopped down into a stupor



But he perked up and pressed his luck;

Professed he pined to pipe her

He self-composed and then proposed

While poin...

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One morning when Johnny is brushing his teeth, he sees his mother stepping out of the shower to dry herself off. While she is reaching for her towel, he notices that she has hair between her legs.

"Mommy," he says, "why do you have hair between your legs?"

Embarrassed, the mother responds, "Oh, this isn't hair. This is a washcloth. I used it to wash my face in the shower." She is so mortified, she decides to shave off her pubic hair.

A few mornings later when Johnny sees his mot...

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A man went to Harley Street in London having seen an advertisement for a Gynaecologist's Assistant.

Naturally interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details.


The clerk pulled up the file and read: The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynaecologist.


You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regio...

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A patient visits his doctor

While checking the patients throat the Doctor says “So…had some oral sex this morning did we?”.

“Why yes” replied the patient. “How did you know? Is it because I’ve got real funky breath?”

“No”. Said the doctor.

“Oh. Do I have a pubic hair caught in my teeth?” asked the patient....

Colin meets a girl on the street. He says, "Come on, babe, let's go in the alleyway and get it on. I've got fifteen bucks." She says, "FIFTEEN bucks? You're crazy. For fifteen bucks, I'll let you LOOK at it."

They go into the alleyway, she pulls down her pants, and he gets down on his knees. It’s so dark he can't see anything so he gets out his lighter. He lights his lighter, and he says, "My God, your pubic hair... it's so curly and thick... it's BEAUTIFUL."

She says, "Thank you." He says, "You m...

How do women get rid of unwanted pubic hair?

They spit it out

Pubic hair that glows in the dark

Is easier to get out of your teeth

Bath night

A couple take in a beautiful young lady as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath but if she wanted to she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.......

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said...

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A little boy saw his mother naked..

and asked her, "What is that between your legs?"

The woman, having not shaved her pubic hair in a while, says, "It's my wash cloth, darling." The woman shaves her pubic hair that night.

A few days later, the boy sees his mother naked again. "Mom, where did your wash cloth go?"

...

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Johnny was watching an adult movie with Mary

Johnny gets a hard-on

Obviously Mary started asking right away: "Johnny what is that?" while pointing at Johnnys dick

Johnny being busy with other stuff answered quickly: "That's a stork"

Mary is still bored and starts asking again: "What is that?" while pointing at Johnnys ball...

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There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked.

He asked his mother what the hair between her legs was.

She responded,"My washcloth."

Weeks later after the mother had the baby, the young boy walked in on his mother again. While she was in the hospital, the doctor shaved her pubic hair.

The boy asked his mother, "What happen...

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A sex worker goes to the plastic surgeon...

...and says "Doctor, can you implant some pubic hair around my belly button?" The doctor asks "Yes, but why?" The sex worker replies "The work's been good, tryna start a franchise!"

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The ol' captain of the ship smoked the best tobacco...

All sailors knew, that the captains' pipe was always the best, no matter who and when decided to contest him with a tobacco from the farthest corners of the mother earth. One young sailor decided to swallow his pride, stop competing and asked for advice:

\- Dear captain, we all know that your...

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How can I make it appear big?

Plz Bare my grammatical errors, first time posting here and it's translated from Hindi


Akbar: birbal I think I have small dick how can I make it appear big?

Birbal: my lord shave you pubic hair, it tends to appear big and girls like it more that way.

So Akbar shaves his ball...

A flea walks into the office one morning... (slightly NSFW)

So a flea walks into the office one morning, freezing cold, dripping wet, and sits down at his desk, miserable. A concerned coworker, who is also a flea, walks up to his desk and says, "Hey man, what happened to you? You look like hell."

To which the flea replies, "Man, I had the worst nigh...

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Billy

So billy is in school and teacher asks the class "if you could be covered in anything what would it be?"

One student puts his hand up and says "gold miss, I could then buy a Lamborghini"

"Well done" says teacher

Another boy puts his hand up and says "platinum miss, it is worth m...

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If you scratch and sniff a Canadian dollar, you can smell maple syrup

If you scratch and sniff an American dollar, you can smell a stripper's pubic hair

Some drug screens involve taking a strand of hair and analyzing it for illicit substances. It's called a follicle test.

Of course there are guys who try to beat that by shaving their head, but that doesn't work because the lab will just take a pubic hair instead. That's called the phallical test.

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I found one of my dad's old porno videos today...

Did you know, back in the 70's, they used to use pubic hair to censor out the genitals?

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Medical Humor

1...A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'
My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one.
...

I once dated a girl who had no pubic hair.

She insists she didn't shave or wax and said she wouldn't even be able to afford the supplies on her allowance anyways.

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As an Irish guy, it's tough dating a vegan chick...

My dick is just too small to get past all that pubic hair. :(

One of my grandfather's favorites.

What sound does a pubic hair make right before it hits the floor?

"Ptui"

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So a guy meets a hottie at the hotel bar. After he pays for a few drinks she starts coming on pretty strong...

"Let's go up to my room..." she says, "I'm wined, dined, and ready to be 69ed!" Excitedly, he whisks her up to the room and the next thing you know they are ripping clothes off and making out furiously. They hit the bed, stuff their faces into each others genitals, and start going to town. After a f...

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Pierre the French Aviator

Pierre the French Aviator was dashingly handsome and quite the ladies man. He went out one night and met a beautiful lady and seduced her. They went back to his place where things started to progress...

*"Oh Pierre! Pierre? Won't you kiss me?"* asked the woman.

(In thick French accent)...

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A guy suspects his wife is cheating.

Every day he comes home from work to find his wife naked in bed; obviously tired, turned on, and soaking wet. He tells her the next time he comes home and finds her in this state, he's pulling her pubic hair out one by one. The next day he comes home to find her in the same position. He gets on the ...

The tale of two gnats

So a gnat is on a vacation and he sees another gnat but he looked beat up with bruises all over his body. He walks over and asks him why he looks the way he does.

"Well," says the beat up gnat, "My living conditions are terrible. I live in this biker's mustache, and if holding on while he's r...

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The Lodger

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years and decided to raise some extra cash by advertising for a lodger in their terrace house.

After a few days, a young attractive woman applied for the room and explained that she was a model working in a near-by city center studio for a few week...

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Attempt to remember and retell an old Danish joke

In the middle of the night, a man wakes up in a prostitutes bed after a wonderful evening with her. Thinking back he still marvels at the beautiful artwork the woman's pubic hairs had been turned into. Then suddenly he notices that his wallet has been moved, and on inspection he finds that a 500 bil...

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