St. Peter was guarding the Pearly Gates, waiting for new souls coming to heaven.

He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. “Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?”

“Sure,” replied Jesus. “What do I have to do?”

“Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dude sits in a pub, watching this guy guarding a stretch of floor.

Every so often somebody tries to cross it when he socks them in the face and sends them staggering backwards. The stretch he's guarding is so long that he has to leap backwards and forwards along it, building up a sweat.

Perplexed, the dude watches while this happens six times, and in the end...

A roman soldier was guarding a crossroads when Senator Churry approached.

"Do you know the way to the Coliseum?", asked Churry.

The soldier pointed straight ahead.

After that, the Roman sent Churry on.

a person died and reached the gates of heaven. An angel was guarding the gates.

a person died and reached the gates of heaven. An angel was guarding the gates. The Angel said "to enter the heaven, you need to answer 3 questions". The person agreed. (Angel : A, Person : P)
A : name 2 days of a week, that starts with letter T.
P : Today and tomorrow
A: ok, I can ac...

the worm protector of the world

there’s this worm guarding the world, let’s call him Nate. Nate’s amazing. he’s been around for all of time, protecting the lever on a side of a mountain that’s always been “on”. Nate’s never let it switch to “off”, and that’s a good thing.

Nate is famous, as he should be, and although there...

A Roman soldier was guarding a cross roads in ancient Britain, when a druid walks up.

The Roman stops him and asks, "What is your name and where are you going, pleb?"

"My name is Churry and I am to meet your General in Londinium."

He thought for a moment, and then the Roman sent Churry on.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler' bodyguard was guarding his bedroom door.

A guy walks up to him and asks, "How do you like being Hitler's bodyguard?". The bodyguard replies, "It's okay, but I am starting to have second thoughts. The guy says, "Why is that?". The bodyguard responds, "Well all these time travelers from the future keep coming back to try to kill him".

A secret service agent is guarding the president

A secret service agent is guarding the president

He’s escorting the president into a building

As he’s walking in the building, an assassin jumps out with a gun

The secret service agent says, “Mickey Mouse!”

The assassin is stunned and the agent is able to detain him
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

St. Peter was guarding the Pearly Gates when three men in quick succession approached looking to be admitted.

St. Peter, as was his custom, asked the first man how he had died. "Well, the man replied, I came home unexpectedly this afternoon to find a cigar burning in the ashtray and my wife naked and alone in the bed. I suspected she was entertaining a lover and demanded she tell me where he was hiding. She...

A sphinx was guarding a road when a traveler walked by...

A sphinx was guarding a road when a traveler walked by. The sphinx said to the man "you may pass if you can answer my riddle: What is wider than an ocean, heavier than a mountain, and unbounded by the laws of physics?"

The man thought for a moment and answered "imagination".

"Wrong", s...

Two Roman Soldiers

2 Roman Soldiers are guarding an outpost, and begin bragging about their luck with women. The first soldier says to the other: "Dude, you wouldn't believe how many ladies I've gotten with just this month?

2nd soldier: "Mmm?"

1st soldier: "ok, well not *that* many."

What do you call a group of Czechoslovakian special forces guarding a piece of road?

Czechpoint

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