This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.

The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway an...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Once upon a time...

A man was driving through a rural countryside when his car got a flat. The only building within miles was a monestary. He walked up the steps, knocked on the huge wooden doors, and explained his situation to the monks. The monks were more than helpful. They sent a message to the nearest road station...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

IT REALLY BREAKS MY HEART....

This event earlier this day reminds me of the man who was driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his ca...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There was a king ready to abdicate.

So he brought in his 3 sons. He tells them, "Each of you will receive a trial, the first to complete their trial will become king."

Beginning with his eldest son, a brave and foolhardy man of great stature he says, "You are to bring me your grandmother's emerald ring, lost decades ago in the ...

I was testing a new game..

My liberal friend is an amateur videogame developer, and asked me to check out a new mobile game he was working on.  I had a few hours to spare so I agreed to give it a go.  I quickly found out that in this game you play as a trans-gender dwarf, tasked with building a ship.  In order to accomplish t...

Four former U.S. presidents...

Four former U.S. presidents are caught in a horrible tornado that hits a state funeral they’re all attending in Kansas.

Suddenly, all of them are blown off to Oz.

They finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great and Powerful Oz.

“What brings you before the grea...

A man’s car breaks down on a dim lot road in the middle of no where.

He calls a mechanic to come but he won’t be able to get to him till the next morning and it’s getting quite cold. He gets out his car and starts walking down the road to see if he can find anyone to help him. About 5 minutes down the road he finds a monastery with some monks in. They invite him in a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] An Irish man went to confession in St Patrick's Catholic Church.

'Father', he confessed, 'it has been one month since my last confession... I had sex with Fanny Green twice last month.'
The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go and say three Hail Mary's'.

Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional.
'Father, it has been two mo...

The plan...

A middle aged woman has been conducting a long term affair with her lover for years. Her husband never knows because she tells him that she goes upstate one weekend a month to visit her elderly great aunt and take care of her. The husband wants nothing to do with such business and leaves her to it. ...

A woman decided to have her portrait painted.

She told the artist, “Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex.”

“But you are not wearing any of those things,” replied the artist.

“I know,” she said. “But if I die before my husband, I’m sure he’ll remarry right away, an...

Irish Jokes Megathread

Post all of your Irish, St. Patrick's Day, or good ol' Emerald Isle jokes for the day here! I'd like to share some with coworkers.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A gypsy girl is about to get married.....

Her mum says,"Emerald,you do realise that when you get married, your husband will want to stick his most prized posession in to where you piss?"

The daughter replies,"Shut up Ma, how the fuck is he gonna fit his Transit van in the sink?

Two robbers, Hank and Jeff, break into a jewelry store.

They start taking everything they can get their hands on without triggering the alarms. Hank spots a gold necklace with a huge emerald, the price of which would allow them to live in luxury for the rest of their lives. It was obviously well-secured, however, and Jeff tries to convince him that it's ...

A man goes into a confessional. "Father", he said, "I slept with Kitty Greene last night".

"Say 5 hail Marys, my son, and all shall be forgiven." the father said.

Later that day, another man came into the confessional and said "Father, I slept with Kitty Greene 4 times last week."

"Say 20 hail Marys, and all shall be forgiven."

Later, The father is in his office havi...