20 minutes into Disney+ and chill...

and I've already got a friend in me.

Disney forgot Gaston's greatest accomplishment

He was a winner of the no belle prize.

What did the Disney Pimp say to his girls?

Hi hoe, hi hoe, it’s off to work you go

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What's the difference between Disney and PornHub?

Disney teaches you to hate your stepmother.

I was hooking up with a girl when I asked to do Disney themed role-play

She agreed, so I gave her a blue fairy costume and I got into my most comfortable lederhosen

After a bit of foreplay, I undressed and asked her to grant my wish of being a real man

Looking down at me she said “Your wish may be granted because I can see quite plainly that you’ve been te...

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What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?

They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.

What does women breast and Disney land have in common?

They are made for kids but adults enjoy them!

Did you hear Disney is making Austin Powers into a Jedi?

It's called Obi-have

Did you hear that Disney+ is making a crossover between Star Wars and Back to the Future where the time machine is half car and half person?

It’s called the Man-DeLorean.

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Tip: when making a sex tape, play Disney music in the background.

That way, if it ever gets leaked online, Disney attorneys will have them all taken down.

Which Disney Princess is always on dating apps?

Tinderella.

What is the dairy farmer’s favorite Disney movie?

Moo-ana

Memo from Disney Corp. to all staff: Workers will no longer refer to Disneyland as Mauschwitz.

OK, we won't. It's Duckhau.

What do you call it when you kill Disney characters?

A Mickey Mousacre

How can people claim Walt Disney was anti-Semitic...

...when one of the most famous Disney songs is "When Jewish Upon a Star?"

Heard a rumor that Iron Man is going to be the newest Disney Princess...

...they're always on the lookout for a strong Fe male character.

Mickley Mouse: "My knee hurts!"

Doctor: "Which knee?"

Mickey: "Disney."

How do you clean Disney World?

With an Orlando Broom.

A shady robed man walks into Disney studios.

As he takes off his hood, he reveals the skull of a face he has underneath. The artists and director pause and murmur with each other.



"Are you lost?", they finally ask him.

"No. I'm fairly certain this is the right place. I bring back the dead with just a touch, a skill requir...

Ok I have a Scottish joke: Sam Wanamaker, Immanuel Kant. Sammy Cahn…

… but Walt Disney.

The Devil sat at the gates of hell... (Story Joke)

An old man suddenly arrived in a burst of flames, looking confused and lost. The Devil looked at his paperwork, and frowned. He was unable to find this old man’s data file.

“This can’t be right,” the old man grumbled, looking at the Devil, “I’ve been a good man my whole life.”

The Dev...

Whats Bill Cosbys favorite disney character?

Sleeping beauty

How do Disney princesses screw in a lightbulb?

They hold the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them

Walt Disney was naughty as a child.

He was always taking the mickey.

Of all the Disney Princesses, Cinderella is the most experienced and competent at deep-throat

She is most well-known for struggling -- and ultimately **succeeding** -- in her desperate quest to reach the ball!

Who is the cleverest Disney character?

Gaston; he's the winner of the No-Belle Prize

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Disney makes female hips very big, anime makes female boobs very big

And america makes female waists very big

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For All You Disney Fans, here’s a little Story about the time I rode the Monorail at Disneyland

One time while riding the monorail at Disneyland, I let out the loudest, wettest, deepest and almost foul smelling fart I have ever ripped in my life. There are no words in the English language that can describe the absolute rancidity of this fart. It was so putrid that actual green gas was visible ...

Disney is updating a children's classic with a pandemic theme...

... it's called "The Never Ending Story"

Disney have announced they’re rebooting Who Framed Roger Rabbit with Ric Flair played the role of Eddie Valiant. It’s going to be called

Wooooooooo Framed Roger Rabbit

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Disney jokes

PINOCCHIO
Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper on his manhood and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened. A couple of we...

Rick Astley doesn't mind lending out his Disney movies...

But he's never gonna give you Up.

Which disney movie does gordon ramsay hate the most?

Frozen.

Me: "Chef Ramsay, today I've prepared a Disney film for you to watch..."

Ramsay: "Is it Frozen?"

Me: "... yes"

Ramsay: "Damn..."

Did you hear about the new Disney FastPass?

Skip the lines, go straight to the ICU

Netflix and Disney should just join forces to create the most controversial movie ever: a young girl becomes infatuated with makeup and skimpy outfits, but first she must save China from the threat of the Uighur.

Call it *Mulan Rouge*

I feel that Disney is taking the "Rainforest Cafe" theme a bit to seriously

I was just sitting there eating when they bulldozed half of the place down.

Why didn't the Disney Princess go to the doctor when she got sick?

Because the cold never bothered her anyway.

Who do you guys think the hottest disney princess is?

for me, it has to be CINDERella

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Why was the head of MGM pissed at Walt Disney when the head of MGM was arrested?

You'd think he'd know to warn a brother.

In light of the recent debates on whether Splash Mountain should remain the same or be remodeled after "The Princess and the Frog", let me give you some hints on which Disney movie I think it should be based on.

1. It's far from the most popular Disney film, but it definitely isn't without its fans.
2. It is notable for taking place in the Americas and featuring a mostly non-white cast.
3. One of the main characters of the movie is a selfish and lazy teenage prince who likes to party.
4. This princ...

All of the cows on the farm networked all of their computers so they could stream the latest Disney film

They set up a moo LAN.

Disney finally released Yoda's last name. His full name is:

Yoda Lay-Heehoo

I always wanted a life like a Disney princess

I should have specified not the part where they are stuck at home, cleaning the whole day

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Back in 2009, I got my dick stuck in a DVD player playing a Disney Pixar movie.

Turns out I really fucked up.

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Donald Duck is at a Disney convention and gets lucky with a groupie.

When they get back to his hotel room, she says, "I think we should practise safe sex - do you have any, you know...?" and he says "No problem," and picks up the phone to call reception.

"Don here," he says. "Send a bellhop up here with a condom, would you?"

"No problem, Mr Duck," says ...

Apparently rick Astley is really stingy with his Disney DVD collection.

Yeah he’ll share toy story, but he’s never gonna give you Up.

What does Kylie Jenner and a Disney princess have in common?

They're both made by the hands of others.

A girl I am dating said, "I expect to be treated like a Disney Princess."

So I told her to pretend she is the Little Mermaid and stop talking.

Why did Walt Disney fire Snow White?

'Cause she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face singing 'tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'.

*Joke's from my Dad and his friend*

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I'm just back from Walt Disney world so....

Micky Mouse wants a divorce.

Judge: Look here Mr. Mouse, I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie.

Mickey (stunned): Why not?

Judge: I have reviewed all the information you gave the court, but i can't find any evidence at all to support the grounds that she is crazy.

Mick...

Disney world is reopening today

It’s about to be an even smaller world

2 blondes were going to Disney land

They were driving and saw "Disney land left" on a sign. The 2 blondes went home crying.

What is the difference between Disney and brazzer?

Disney teaches you how to hate your step mom while Brazzer teaches you how you can show your love.

I had an orgy with the Disney princesses

and one of them gave me crabs

Disney is looking to take the American Secret Service to court

The secret service higher ups made a decision to change how agents assigned to the president can give the president an order while under fire.

They will no longer say “Get down Mr President!”

Instead it’ll be “Donald, Duck!”

Disney is attempting to take over and brainwash our country by bringing back '80s Mickey Mouse merchandise

NOT ON MY WATCH!!

What does Disney have in common with a guy in an outhouse in Chicago?

They’re both making frozen number two.

With some many streaming services it's difficult to pick between Disney+ and Hulu Plus

Personally, I prefer LGBTQ+

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I said to my wife, "Our relationship is a lot like a Disney movie."

"Aww... That's cute," she giggled, "I'm your princess and you are my charming prince?"


"Not exactly" I said. "I've fucked seven dwarfs."

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Why buy Netflix, Hulu, or Disney plus when you can go on pornhub

its, hands down, the best "up and coming" streaming service

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I used to work for Disney, but their offices were always so hot during the summer.

I guess they don't give a shit about fans.

I tied two Disney DVDs with strings and placed it inside the freezer.

It's Tangled and Frozen.

Jasmine tried to attend a "Disney Prince Only" gathering

She wasn't Aladdin.

Disney just announced a new show for D+ about a time-traveling soccer mom

It’s called The Vandalorian

What did one alligator say to the other?

I like the food at these Disney parks.

I saw a giant mouse so I tried killing it with a baseball bat

So now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyland

A Disney Language Joke I made up

The Disney Princesses had cats. Tiana's was named One, Two, Three, Snow White's was Eins, Zwei, Drei, and Belle's was named Une, Deux, Trois. They decided to put the cats on rafts and race them.

Tiana and Snow White's cats made it to the end, but Belle's died because

Une, Deux, Trois,...

It was getting close to my wife’s birthday. She was looking at herself in the mirror. I asked her what she’d like for her birthday. She sighed and said I’d like to be eight again...

On the morning of her birthday. I woke up early and made her a nice big bowl of coco pops. I then took her to for a special trip to Legoland. On the way home we stopped at McDonald’s where I got her a Happy Meal together we a special McDonalds balloon. We then went to the cinema where they were pl...

Walt Disney notices a sharp pain in his knee.

He starts rubbing it, icing it, elevating it on a pillow. But over the following days it only grows worse. He visits his doctor and reports this pain.

“Which knee is hurting you, Walt?”

The famous film producer points to his left knee.

“Disney.”

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What does Disney and the porn industry have in common?

They both hire adults that look like teenagers.

Donald Duck can walk around Disney pantless and everyone loves him

but when I do it, it’s “indecent”?

I caught my young son sniffing a Disney highlighter.

It made him a little Goofy.

Picked up a set of 20 Disney shorts on vinyl for only $30.

To be honest though I think they'd chafe less in cotton.

I was at Disney World buying a drink when I accidentally backed up into a little person.

“I’m so sorry sir! I wasn’t paying attention and I should have been. Are you okay?” I say.

“I’m okay, but I’m not happy.” he says to me.

Confused, I reply, “Well that’s good, but which one are you?”

My girlfriend told me to stop watching Disney movies and be a man.

Does anyone know how to be swift as the coursing river?

Chernobyl is just like Disney land

The only difference? The 7 foot mouse is actually real.

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My butt fell asleep while I was browsing Disney+ on the toilet.

I ended up watching sleeping booty.

Looks like Disney isn't sticking to their guns

But they will be sticking with their Gunn

Last time I was at Disney with my dad...

He complimented Ariel on her seashells.

She didn't have seashells. They were more of a small B shell.

What's the difference between Disney and Crosby

Bing sings but Walt Disney

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A lot of people believe Walt Disney is cryogenically frozen in the basement of CalArts.

# I personally love this conspiracy theory because it's a wonderful example of suspended animation.

Credit to the greatest animation professor of all time, Mr. Theo Artz of Drexel University.

I asked Rick Astley if I could borrow some Disney DVDs...

He said, "You can take Cars and Lion King but I'm never gonna give you UP!"

What’s the name of the Disney princess that got burned?

Cinder-ella

Kanye West compares himself to Michelangelo, Picasso, Walt Disney, and Steve Jobs.

Apparently none of them could sing, either.

Whos the funniest disney princess?

raPUNzel

*sits there laughing to self*

...so lonely..

I have two conditions in my will...

1) I want my remains spread around Disney World

2) I do not want to be cremated

I just got a lifetime ban for spreading my wife's remains around Disney World

Guess we should of had her cremated first

An unemployed man saw an ad in the newspaper asking for a Disneyland cop. He immediately goes to apply for the job.

"If you want to work at Disneyland," says the job agent, "you must show your knowledge of Disney by answering these questions. Question number one: what kind of animal is Mickey?"

"A dog?" guesses the guy.

"I'm sorry," says the agent, "but the correct answer is, a mouse. Question numbe...

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Once upon a time...

A horse lived on a farm with a pig, a sheep, and a cow. Now these were no ordinary barnyard animals - for they were bestowed the miracle of Disney animal anthropomorphism - subsequently, the farmer was very happy to have these animals in his posession and the people who came afar to see them made hi...

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A guy has a weird disney fetish...

his friends look horrified and say "You fucked Up."

What’s a racist’s favourite Disney song?

“Put That Thing Back Where It Came From, Or So Help Me”

What Disney character can count the highest?

Buzz Lightyear, to infinity and beyond.

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Wife: "OMG I JUST WON THE LOTTERY! Quick pack your suitcase!"

Husband: "What?! That awesome! Holy shit...uh... should I pack for the beach? The mountains? DISNEY???!!!"

Wife: "I don't care just get the fuck out!"

Disney just launched a Mt. Everest attraction.

You wait in line, then die.

What's the best Disney song to listen to while having a threesome?

You've Got a Friend in Me

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Disney World is like losing your virginity.

You wait ages for a ride and it’s over in 30 seconds... or less.

They told me I couldn’t bring my favourite Disney movie to class yesterday

But I showed them Up.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Disney Movies ?

Disney Movies still touch kids

Disney shouldn't have to post warning signs

Don't their gators make a ticking sound as they approach?

A Disney princess was arrested by mistake

They thought it was someone Elsa.

I’m renaming my kids Sony and Disney

Because they can’t agree on anything

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Gordon Ramsay in Disney's frozen...

IT'S FUCKING FROZEN! LET IT GOO!!!!

When I die, I want my remains sprinkled around Disney World, maybe a little bit in "Space Mountain", a bit in "It's a Small World."

Also, I don't want to be cremated.

How do you hydrate a 2 year old at Disney World?

Gatorade

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There's a new exhibit at disneyworld that features statues of some disney favorite characters.

A tour guide is leading guests through the exhibit as they pass such favorites as Mickey and Minnie Mouse, Donald Duck, Goofy, as well as Pluto. As they're going through they pass a statue that's in the shape of a giant turd. Puzzled, one of the guests pipes up and asks the tour guide, "what's the d...

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[NSFW] Disney Divorce Court

Mickey and Minnie are sitting in divorce court one day. The Judge, after reading through the papers, looks to Mickey. "You claim you're wanting to divorce your wife cause she's crazy?" He asked with skepticism.

"No," said Mickey, "I want a divorce cause she's fucking Goofy."

In a recent interview about the state of the Disney empire...

... Walt Disney responded with no comment.

How low is Disney willing to drag down a beloved franchise like Star Wars just for money?

Solo

I heard Disney is making a princess that's more pc to viewers.

She's said to resemble Rapunzel. Except instead of letting down her hair, she lets down everyone in her life.

When I die, I have but 2 requests.

The first, I want my remains to be scattered around Disneyland.



The second, I don’t want to be cremated.

Disney / Marvel just signed Caitlyn Jenner for a movie deal.

The new ex-Men movie.

Now that Lucasfilm is owned by Disney . . .

Will ILM be removing the Notre Dame Cathedral from the Hunchback cartoon?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear Snow White got thrown out of Disney Land?

They caught her sitting on Pinocchio's Face yelling "Lie you little fucker

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Mickie and Minnie

Mickie Mouse returns home one day after a long day of work at Disney. He opens his front door to hear a great commotion coming from the bedroom. He quickly runs up the stairs and throws open the bedroom door to find Minnie in bed with his best friend Goofy.

Outraged he gets into a fight w...

Why is Pinocchio the most requested at the Disney brothel?

Because he lets girls sit on his face while he tells them lies.

Disney is already working on a sequel to Beauty and the Beast...

They're calling it The French Prince in Belle's Snare.

A couple driving to Disney World...

...saw signs for the nearby town of Kissimmee. Being unfamiliar with the area, they debated whether it is pronounced KISSimmee or kissIMMee or kissimmEE. The debate turned into an argument and they decided that when they got to the town they would ask one of the locals.

So they pulled into a...

Christmas Cheer

Just texted my Girlfriend to see if she was coming over tonight after her family Christmas celebration.

She texted, "Let me guess, Netflix and chill."

I responded, "No baby, I upgraded to Disney Plus and Thrust"

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