Disney forgot Gaston's greatest accomplishment

He was a winner of the no belle prize.

20 minutes into Disney+ and chill...

and I've already got a friend in me.

Who is the cleverest Disney character?

Gaston; he's the winner of the No-Belle Prize

Who do you guys think the hottest disney princess is?

for me, it has to be CINDERella

Disney is updating a children's classic with a pandemic theme...

... it's called "The Never Ending Story"

Whats Bill Cosby's favorite Disney character?

Sleeping beauty

Which Disney movie would Rick Astley not let you borrow from his collection?

He's never gonna give you Up

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Disney makes female hips very big, anime makes female boobs very big

And america makes female waists very big

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For All You Disney Fans, here’s a little Story about the time I rode the Monorail at Disneyland

One time while riding the monorail at Disneyland, I let out the loudest, wettest, deepest and almost foul smelling fart I have ever ripped in my life. There are no words in the English language that can describe the absolute rancidity of this fart. It was so putrid that actual green gas was visible ...

How do Disney princesses screw in a lightbulb?

They hold the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them

All of the cows on the farm networked all of their computers so they could stream the latest Disney film

They set up a moo LAN.

Of all the Disney Princesses, Cinderella is the most experienced and competent at deep-throat

She is most well-known for struggling -- and ultimately **succeeding** -- in her desperate quest to reach the ball!

Netflix and Disney should just join forces to create the most controversial movie ever: a young girl becomes infatuated with makeup and skimpy outfits, but first she must save China from the threat of the Uighur.

Call it *Mulan Rouge*

Which disney movie does gordon ramsay hate the most?

Frozen.

Me: "Chef Ramsay, today I've prepared a Disney film for you to watch..."

Ramsay: "Is it Frozen?"

Me: "... yes"

Ramsay: "Damn..."

In light of the recent debates on whether Splash Mountain should remain the same or be remodeled after "The Princess and the Frog", let me give you some hints on which Disney movie I think it should be based on.

1. It's far from the most popular Disney film, but it definitely isn't without its fans.
2. It is notable for taking place in the Americas and featuring a mostly non-white cast.
3. One of the main characters of the movie is a selfish and lazy teenage prince who likes to party.
4. This princ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was the head of MGM pissed at Walt Disney when the head of MGM was arrested?

You'd think he'd know to warn a brother.

I feel that Disney is taking the "Rainforest Cafe" theme a bit to seriously

I was just sitting there eating when they bulldozed half of the place down.

Did you hear that Disney+ is making a crossover between Star Wars and Back to the Future where the time machine is half car and half person?

It’s called the Man-DeLorean.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Duck is at a Disney convention and gets lucky with a groupie.

When they get back to his hotel room, she says, "I think we should practise safe sex - do you have any, you know...?" and he says "No problem," and picks up the phone to call reception.

"Don here," he says. "Send a bellhop up here with a condom, would you?"

"No problem, Mr Duck," says ...

Apparently rick Astley is really stingy with his Disney DVD collection.

Yeah he’ll share toy story, but he’s never gonna give you Up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tip: when making a sex tape, play Disney music in the background.

That way, if it ever gets leaked online, Disney attorneys will have them all taken down.

It was getting close to my wife’s birthday. She was looking at herself in the mirror. I asked her what she’d like for her birthday. She sighed and said I’d like to be eight again...

On the morning of her birthday. I woke up early and made her a nice big bowl of coco pops. I then took her to for a special trip to Legoland. On the way home we stopped at McDonald’s where I got her a Happy Meal together we a special McDonalds balloon. We then went to the cinema where they were pl...

Did you hear about the new Disney FastPass?

Skip the lines, go straight to the ICU

A piece of retconned canon from Star Wars has a danger of causing glaring plotholes in upcoming Disney films and series.

It's what is known as "a loose canon."

Why didn't the Disney Princess go to the doctor when she got sick?

Because the cold never bothered her anyway.

Disney world is reopening today

It’s about to be an even smaller world

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Mickie and Minnie

Mickie Mouse returns home one day after a long day of work at Disney. He opens his front door to hear a great commotion coming from the bedroom. He quickly runs up the stairs and throws open the bedroom door to find Minnie in bed with his best friend Goofy.

Outraged he gets into a fight w...

Disney is attempting to take over and brainwash our country by bringing back '80s Mickey Mouse merchandise

NOT ON MY WATCH!!

I had an orgy with the Disney princesses

and one of them gave me crabs

Disney is looking to take the American Secret Service to court

The secret service higher ups made a decision to change how agents assigned to the president can give the president an order while under fire.

They will no longer say “Get down Mr President!”

Instead it’ll be “Donald, Duck!”

I always wanted a life like a Disney princess

I should have specified not the part where they are stuck at home, cleaning the whole day

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Back in 2009, I got my dick stuck in a DVD player playing a Disney Pixar movie.

Turns out I really fucked up.

What does Kylie Jenner and a Disney princess have in common?

They're both made by the hands of others.

A girl I am dating said, "I expect to be treated like a Disney Princess."

So I told her to pretend she is the Little Mermaid and stop talking.

2 blondes were going to Disney land

They were driving and saw "Disney land left" on a sign. The 2 blondes went home crying.

I saw a giant mouse so I tried killing it with a baseball bat

So now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyland

Disney finally released Yoda's last name. His full name is:

Yoda Lay-Heehoo

Breaking News

Vinn Diesel is now married to the voice actor who voiced Ariel in Disney’s The Little Mermaid. They wanted a big, luxurious wedding but with everything going on they opted for a small, private ceremony. Not because of Corona Virus; but because they didn’t want anyone catching a Vinn-Ariel disease.

What is the difference between Disney and brazzer?

Disney teaches you how to hate your step mom while Brazzer teaches you how you can show your love.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?

They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride

There is a Monsters Inc Comedy Show in Disney World and you can send in jokes to be included, here's mine (it was included)

What's a swamp monster's favorite holiday treat.

Egg-Bog

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to work for Disney, but their offices were always so hot during the summer.

I guess they don't give a shit about fans.

20 minutes into Disney+ and chill with my boyfriend

Now I'm telling him to put that thing back where it came from or so help me

With some many streaming services it's difficult to pick between Disney+ and Hulu Plus

Personally, I prefer LGBTQ+

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why buy Netflix, Hulu, or Disney plus when you can go on pornhub

its, hands down, the best "up and coming" streaming service

Donald Duck can walk around Disney pantless and everyone loves him

but when I do it, it’s “indecent”?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I said to my wife, "Our relationship is a lot like a Disney movie."

"Aww... That's cute," she giggled, "I'm your princess and you are my charming prince?"


"Not exactly" I said. "I've fucked seven dwarfs."

What does Disney have in common with a guy in an outhouse in Chicago?

They’re both making frozen number two.

I was at Disney World buying a drink when I accidentally backed up into a little person.

“I’m so sorry sir! I wasn’t paying attention and I should have been. Are you okay?” I say.

“I’m okay, but I’m not happy.” he says to me.

Confused, I reply, “Well that’s good, but which one are you?”

Disney just announced a new show for D+ about a time-traveling soccer mom

It’s called The Vandalorian

I had to go to the hospital last night as I had a Disney toy stuck up my bum..

The doctor took the Mickey out of me.

I caught some Disney employees making out

Apparently its a sequel to 'Up' or something

I caught my young son sniffing a Disney highlighter.

It made him a little Goofy.

As two kids left the store, one of them suddenly realized that they had put something in there pocket.

It was a toy from Disney's The Jungle Book. One of them wanted to just confess to it. but the other said.



Confess!? Are you out of your mind? Do you know what they do to people like us? Were not talking about some dumb mail-fraud scheme or hijacking here...



WE STOLE A B...

I tied two Disney DVDs with strings and placed it inside the freezer.

It's Tangled and Frozen.

Kanye West compares himself to Michelangelo, Picasso, Walt Disney, and Steve Jobs.

Apparently none of them could sing, either.

Jasmine tried to attend a "Disney Prince Only" gathering

She wasn't Aladdin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My butt fell asleep while I was browsing Disney+ on the toilet.

I ended up watching sleeping booty.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke that made my girlfriend laugh

Her: Aren’t you cold?

Me: Well as a wise prophet once said, ‘the cold never bothers me anyway’.

Her: Huh, Elsa isn’t a prophet?

Me: Yes she is, Disney made a butt tonne of money off of her!

Last time I was at Disney with my dad...

He complimented Ariel on her seashells.

She didn't have seashells. They were more of a small B shell.

A Disney Language Joke I made up

The Disney Princesses had cats. Tiana's was named One, Two, Three, Snow White's was Eins, Zwei, Drei, and Belle's was named Une, Deux, Trois. They decided to put the cats on rafts and race them.

Tiana and Snow White's cats made it to the end, but Belle's died because

Une, Deux, Trois,...

I got Disney + and popcorn

All the bear necessities

Chernobyl is just like Disney land

The only difference? The 7 foot mouse is actually real.

Four dads are arguing, each dad claims to have the best son in the world.

The first dad says, "My son is the best because he is so rich, I only gave him a small loan of a million dollars and he ended up making four billion dollars from his multi-billion dollar hotel business. He has even appeared on many TV shows. He is so successful that he was elected to lead a country....

Walt Disney notices a sharp pain in his knee.

He starts rubbing it, icing it, elevating it on a pillow. But over the following days it only grows worse. He visits his doctor and reports this pain.

“Which knee is hurting you, Walt?”

The famous film producer points to his left knee.

“Disney.”

Why did Walt Disney fire Snow White?

'Cause she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face singing 'tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'.

*Joke's from my Dad and his friend*

Disney just launched a Mt. Everest attraction.

You wait in line, then die.

What's the difference between Disney and Crosby

Bing sings but Walt Disney

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm just back from Walt Disney world so....

Micky Mouse wants a divorce.

Judge: Look here Mr. Mouse, I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie.

Mickey (stunned): Why not?

Judge: I have reviewed all the information you gave the court, but i can't find any evidence at all to support the grounds that she is crazy.

Mick...

My girlfriend told me to stop watching Disney movies and be a man.

Does anyone know how to be swift as the coursing river?

What’s the name of the Disney princess that got burned?

Cinder-ella

I’m renaming my kids Sony and Disney

Because they can’t agree on anything

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy has a weird disney fetish...

his friends look horrified and say "You fucked Up."

Looks like Disney isn't sticking to their guns

But they will be sticking with their Gunn

What Disney character can count the highest?

Buzz Lightyear, to infinity and beyond.

When I die, I want my remains sprinkled around Disney World, maybe a little bit in "Space Mountain", a bit in "It's a Small World."

Also, I don't want to be cremated.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lot of people believe Walt Disney is cryogenically frozen in the basement of CalArts.

# I personally love this conspiracy theory because it's a wonderful example of suspended animation.

Credit to the greatest animation professor of all time, Mr. Theo Artz of Drexel University.

I asked Rick Astley if I could borrow some Disney DVDs...

He said, "You can take Cars and Lion King but I'm never gonna give you UP!"

They told me I couldn’t bring my favourite Disney movie to class yesterday

But I showed them Up.

Whos the funniest disney princess?

raPUNzel

*sits there laughing to self*

...so lonely..

I heard Disney is making a princess that's more pc to viewers.

She's said to resemble Rapunzel. Except instead of letting down her hair, she lets down everyone in her life.

A Disney princess was arrested by mistake

They thought it was someone Elsa.

Disney / Marvel just signed Caitlyn Jenner for a movie deal.

The new ex-Men movie.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Disney and the porn industry have in common?

They both hire adults that look like teenagers.

Now that Lucasfilm is owned by Disney . . .

Will ILM be removing the Notre Dame Cathedral from the Hunchback cartoon?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gordon Ramsay in Disney's frozen...

IT'S FUCKING FROZEN! LET IT GOO!!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's a new exhibit at disneyworld that features statues of some disney favorite characters.

A tour guide is leading guests through the exhibit as they pass such favorites as Mickey and Minnie Mouse, Donald Duck, Goofy, as well as Pluto. As they're going through they pass a statue that's in the shape of a giant turd. Puzzled, one of the guests pipes up and asks the tour guide, "what's the d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Disney World is like losing your virginity.

You wait ages for a ride and it’s over in 30 seconds... or less.

I just got a lifetime ban for spreading my wife's remains around Disney World

Guess we should of had her cremated first

In a recent interview about the state of the Disney empire...

... Walt Disney responded with no comment.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Disney Divorce Court

Mickey and Minnie are sitting in divorce court one day. The Judge, after reading through the papers, looks to Mickey. "You claim you're wanting to divorce your wife cause she's crazy?" He asked with skepticism.

"No," said Mickey, "I want a divorce cause she's fucking Goofy."

What's the best Disney song to listen to while having a threesome?

You've Got a Friend in Me

How do you hydrate a 2 year old at Disney World?

Gatorade

Why don't they cooperate at Disney Pixar?

Because teamwork makes the Dreamwork(s)

How low is Disney willing to drag down a beloved franchise like Star Wars just for money?

Solo

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Disney Movies ?

Disney Movies still touch kids

Disney and I have something special in common.

We both love happy endings.

Disney shouldn't have to post warning signs

Don't their gators make a ticking sound as they approach?

Went to Disney World because my daughter is obsessed with Mickey Mouse.

She was so excited when I got home and told her.

When I die, I have but 2 requests.

The first, I want my remains to be scattered around Disneyland.



The second, I don’t want to be cremated.

People are saying that Disney’s Peter Pan is racist against Native Americans.

How?

I want a love like out of a Disney song.

Where we finish each others sandwiches.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear Snow White got thrown out of Disney Land?

They caught her sitting on Pinocchio's Face yelling "Lie you little fucker

Disney is already working on a sequel to Beauty and the Beast...

They're calling it The French Prince in Belle's Snare.

Walt Disney

Just after WWII, Walt Disney was at a loss for new subjects for his movies and decided to take his family on a tour of the world to refresh his creative spirit. Walt, ever the optimist, was undaunted and vowed to seek out an idea for a new film, even if he had to stray from his normal family-friendl...

Disney now owns Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, Disney World and the Simpsons...

If they acquire my parent’s divorce, they will own my entire childhood...

Disney really gets the Star Wars fanbase...

After 3 movies, our expectations are now Solo...

I was really looking forward to Disney's portrayal of Rapunzel when Tangled first came out...

...but her hair was such a let down.

Why is Pinocchio the most requested at the Disney brothel?

Because he lets girls sit on his face while he tells them lies.

I'm really thankful that Disney/Pixar brought us Toy Story

It means I can go to Toys R Us and walk out with a Woody without it being awkward.

A man on his deathbed is telling his friend his final wishes

Man: I have two final wishes

Friend: what are they?

Man: firstly I'd like my remains scattered over Disney Land

Friend: and?

Man: secondly, I don't want to be cremated.

A couple driving to Disney World...

...saw signs for the nearby town of Kissimmee. Being unfamiliar with the area, they debated whether it is pronounced KISSimmee or kissIMMee or kissimmEE. The debate turned into an argument and they decided that when they got to the town they would ask one of the locals.

So they pulled into a...

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