Disney Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm just back from Walt Disney world so....

Micky Mouse wants a divorce.

Judge: Look here Mr. Mouse, I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie.

Mickey (stunned): Why not?

Judge: I have reviewed all the information you gave the court, but i can't find any evidence at all to support the grounds that she is crazy.

Mick...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Disney+ and Pornhub?

Disney+ wants you to hate your stepmother.

What does women breast and Disney land have in common?

They are made for kids but adults enjoy them!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Disney and the porn industry have in common?

They both hire adults that look like teenagers.

I have two conditions in my will...

1) I want my remains spread around Disney World

2) I do not want to be cremated

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's Gordon Ramsey's favorite Disney movie?

IT'S FUCKING FROZEN!!!

Did you hear that Disney+ is making a crossover between Star Wars and Back to the Future where the time machine is half car and half person?

It’s called the Man-DeLorean.

When I die, I want my remains scattered over Disney World.

Also, I don’t want to be cremated.

20 minutes into Disney+ and chill...

and I've already got a friend in me.

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Disney collection...

Except Up.
He’s never gonna give you Up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Republican and Democratic congressman spot each other at Disney World with their respective families.

The Republican turns red from embarrassment.

“Look man, don’t tell any of my colleagues I was down here supporting *Disney.* They’ll eat me alive for supporting this woke company!”

The Democrat replies:

“Shit, you think I want anyone to know I was down here in Florida?”

I just unsubscribed from Disney+

I feel marveless

I got thrown out of DisneyWorld for spreading my dead mother’s remains around the park. It was her dying wish.

The security guards said I probably should have cremated her first.

Did you hear about the new Mexican Disney princess?

Her name is Taco Belle.

I made my own identical copy of Disney Land and only charge visitors a quarter of what Disney does.

It’s more fun than it has any rights to be.

Which Disney princess would be the best judge?

Snow White, because she's the Fairest One of All.

Why did Walt Disney fire Snow White?

'Cause she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face singing 'tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'.

*Joke's from my Dad and his friend*

Walt Disney's body wasn't frozen after he died.

Contrary to popular legend, it was only his head that was cryogenically frozen after he succumbed to lung cancer, having been a heavy smoker.

Years later a friend requested that Walt be thawed out so that he could see how he was doing. Apparently old habits die hard, because the first thing ...

Whats Bill Cosbys favorite disney character?

Sleeping beauty

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How is Viagra like Disney World?

In both cases, you have to wait an hour for a three minute ride.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tip: when making a sex tape, play Disney music in the background.

That way, if it ever gets leaked online, Disney attorneys will have them all taken down.

Last week we took the kids to see "Disney On Ice" but it was very disappointing.

It was just some old dead guy in a freezer.

Why is Gaston the most peaceful Disney villain?

Because he won the No-Belle Prize

The Haunted mansion opened three years after Walt Disney died.

It's what Walt would have haunted

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

News Flash Snow White has been kicked out of Disney Land!!

She sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie you bastard, lie!".

Whos the funniest disney princess?

raPUNzel

*sits there laughing to self*

...so lonely..

How do Disney princesses screw in a lightbulb?

They hold the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them.

A blond is driving to DisneyLand...

She sees a sign saying "DisneyLand left" so she turns around and drives home.

My favorite Disney movie is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

I love a hero with a twisted back story.

Disney isn’t making a second season of Obi-Wan Kenobi

Because there Kenobi-Wan.

Three pregnant women are chatting in a cafe.

Heather says, "I got my ultrasound done yesterday. I'm pregnant with triplets!"

"I got mine done yesterday too," says Linda. "I'm pregnant with septuplets!"

"I think I'll get my ultrasound done next week," says Martha.

The three women chat some more. Finally, Heather says, "I go...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

PINOCCHIO
Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper on his manhood and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened. A couple of we...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do fairy tales, Disney movies and porn have in common?

Unrealistic stepmother depictions

How can people claim Walt Disney was anti-Semitic...

...when one of the most famous Disney songs is "When Jewish Upon a Star?"

Obama went on a run

and fell in a river.

-

three young boys pulled him out of the river. Obama said my god, you saved the president of your country. name any one thing you want and you'll have it.

-

The first boy said he wanted a house for his mother, they'd never had a house. Obama bought i...

Walt Disney was naughty as a child.

He was always taking the mickey.

Disney now owns Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, Disney World and the Simpsons...

If they acquire my parent’s divorce, they will own my entire childhood...

What's Dio's favourite Disney movie?

Aladdin. Because I can show you ZA WARUDO!

Why did the cocaine addict go to Disney World?

Because he heard the lines were long

Men develop a type based on their favorite Disney princess.

I had a friend who was really into Cindarella and exclusively dates blonde women. Another loved snow white and is married to a woman with obsidian black hair. I was really into The Little Mermaid and that's why I am not allowed into the Fish Market anymore.

Disney / Star Wars crossovers suck.

I just watched the most boring crossover ever.

Nothing even happens in Han Solo's "Frozen in Carbonite"

What is the difference between Disney and brazzer?

Disney teaches you how to hate your step mom while Brazzer teaches you how you can show your love.

I went to see Disney on ice

But then the DEA dragged me out of the cinema

Woke Disney has gone too far! First it's hehim and sheher, then it's theythem...

Now they have an entire TV show called Andor!!!

Disney finally released Yoda's last name. His full name is:

Yoda Lay-Heehoo

Hamlet gets asked to watch a Disney remake.

"2d or not 2d?"

Which Disney Princess is always on dating apps?

Tinderella.

How do you clean Disney World?

With an Orlando Broom.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Disney Movies ?

Disney Movies still touch kids

Why did Pinocchio and Cinderella get fired from Disney?

Cinderella was caught sitting on Pinocchio’s face yelling “lie to me!”

Of all the Disney Princesses, Cinderella is the most experienced and competent at deep-throat

She is most well-known for struggling -- and ultimately **succeeding** -- in her desperate quest to reach the ball!

What do you call it when you kill Disney characters?

A Mickey Mousacre

A shady robed man walks into Disney studios.

As he takes off his hood, he reveals the skull of a face he has underneath. The artists and director pause and murmur with each other.

"Are you lost?", they finally ask him.

"No. I'm fairly certain this is the right place. I bring back the dead with just a touch, a skill requir...

What's the difference between Disney and Crosby

Bing sings but Walt Disney

Did you hear about the new Disney FastPass?

Skip the lines, go straight to the ICU

Walt Disney

Just after WWII, Walt Disney was at a loss for new subjects for his movies and decided to take his family on a tour of the world to refresh his creative spirit. Walt, ever the optimist, was undaunted and vowed to seek out an idea for a new film, even if he had to stray from his normal family-friendl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Disney Divorce Court

Mickey and Minnie are sitting in divorce court one day. The Judge, after reading through the papers, looks to Mickey. "You claim you're wanting to divorce your wife cause she's crazy?" He asked with skepticism.

"No," said Mickey, "I want a divorce cause she's fucking Goofy."

Disney is updating a children's classic with a pandemic theme...

... it's called "The Never Ending Story"

Disney world is reopening today

It’s about to be an even smaller world

I was wondering why Disney/Pixar's new movie Turning Red takes place in 2002, then I realized...

It's a period piece.

Gimme your best Mickey Mouse/Disney character joke!

Going on a Disney Cruise and need your funniest, raunchiest or most nasty joke involving a Disney character.

Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?

Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Chernobyl is just like Disney land

The only difference? The 7 foot mouse is actually real.

My friend and I are in my house, arguing about what Disney Pixar movie we’re watching tonight.

I told him that if we weren’t going to watch The Incredibles, he would need to leave my house.

So that’s exactly what he did.

He shut Up and left.

What does Disney have in common with a guy in an outhouse in Chicago?

They’re both making frozen number two.

I always wanted a life like a Disney princess

I should have specified not the part where they are stuck at home, cleaning the whole day

A couple driving to Disney World...

...saw signs for the nearby town of Kissimmee. Being unfamiliar with the area, they debated whether it is pronounced KISSimmee or kissIMMee or kissimmEE. The debate turned into an argument and they decided that when they got to the town they would ask one of the locals.

So they pulled into a...

What Disney princess often has to go to the bathroom?

Tinklebell

Disney shouldn't have to post warning signs

Don't their gators make a ticking sound as they approach?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Disney World is like losing your virginity.

You wait ages for a ride and it’s over in 30 seconds... or less.

A Disney princess was arrested by mistake

They thought it was someone Elsa.

A Disney Language Joke I made up

The Disney Princesses had cats. Tiana's was named One, Two, Three, Snow White's was Eins, Zwei, Drei, and Belle's was named Une, Deux, Trois. They decided to put the cats on rafts and race them.

Tiana and Snow White's cats made it to the end, but Belle's died because

Une, Deux, Trois,...

Looks like Disney isn't sticking to their guns

But they will be sticking with their Gunn

Heard a rumor that Iron Man is going to be the newest Disney Princess...

...they're always on the lookout for a strong Fe male character.

I got Disney + and popcorn

All the bear necessities

My wife and I are going to be Carl and Ellie from Disney's Up for Halloween.

I'll dress up as an old guy and she'll dress up as a tombstone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gordon Ramsay in Disney's frozen...

IT'S FUCKING FROZEN! LET IT GOO!!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy has a weird disney fetish...

his friends look horrified and say "You fucked Up."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Disney makes female hips very big, anime makes female boobs very big

And america makes female waists very big

"All right, for our new Disney+ miniseries, we need to make it a thoughtful, highly entertaining original series AND it needs to connect to an existing Star Wars property."

"... Would you settle for And/or?"

What's the best Disney song to listen to while having a threesome?

You've Got a Friend in Me

I killed an extraordinarily large mouse with a bat

Needless to say I’m no longer allowed at Walt Disney resorts no more

Walt Disney notices a sharp pain in his knee.

He starts rubbing it, icing it, elevating it on a pillow. But over the following days it only grows worse. He visits his doctor and reports this pain.

“Which knee is hurting you, Walt?”

The famous film producer points to his left knee.

“Disney.”

What would you call Jafar's bird from the Disney movie Aladdin if he was made of cheese?

Asiago

What’s a racist’s favourite Disney song?

“Put That Thing Back Where It Came From, Or So Help Me”

Me: "Chef Ramsay, today I've prepared a Disney film for you to watch..."

Ramsay: "Is it Frozen?"

Me: "... yes"

Ramsay: "Damn..."

Apparently rick Astley is really stingy with his Disney DVD collection.

Yeah he’ll share toy story, but he’s never gonna give you Up.

Why didn't the Disney Princess go to the doctor when she got sick?

Because the cold never bothered her anyway.

Who do you guys think the hottest disney princess is?

for me, it has to be CINDERella

How do you hydrate a 2 year old at Disney World?

Gatorade

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear Snow White got thrown out of Disney Land?

They caught her sitting on Pinocchio's Face yelling "Lie you little fucker

Disney just launched a Mt. Everest attraction.

You wait in line, then die.

I tied two Disney DVDs with strings and placed it inside the freezer.

It's Tangled and Frozen.

What Disney character can count the highest?

Buzz Lightyear, to infinity and beyond.

What does Kylie Jenner and a Disney princess have in common?

They're both made by the hands of others.

Kids won't be allowed to see Disney's Anastasia remake.

It's illegal to serve a Black Russian to minors.

Disney just tweeted that they wont be making new Marvel Universe movies, but the Tweet was cut short

Looks like they ran out of characters.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Disney Breakup

Mickey and Minnie have been having problems for some time now. After hearing of Barbie and Ken's breakup, they too decide to call it quits. Donald goes to Mickey to console him and says, "She's been a problem since day one. I'm glad you finally saw that she's crazy." Mickey looks at Donald and repli...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In 1994 Disney taught us simple thing.

Adoption by same-sex couple works.

I feel that Disney is taking the "Rainforest Cafe" theme a bit to seriously

I was just sitting there eating when they bulldozed half of the place down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Duck is at a Disney convention and gets lucky with a groupie.

When they get back to his hotel room, she says, "I think we should practise safe sex - do you have any, you know...?" and he says "No problem," and picks up the phone to call reception.

"Don here," he says. "Send a bellhop up here with a condom, would you?"

"No problem, Mr Duck," says ...

What do Disney movies and coathangers have in common?

They can both bring out the child from within.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I said to my wife, "Our relationship is a lot like a Disney movie."

"Aww... That's cute," she giggled, "I'm your princess and you are my charming prince?"

"Not exactly" I said. "I've fucked seven dwarfs."

I’m renaming my kids Sony and Disney

Because they can’t agree on anything

Disney is looking to take the American Secret Service to court

The secret service higher ups made a decision to change how agents assigned to the president can give the president an order while under fire.

They will no longer say “Get down Mr President!”

Instead it’ll be “Donald, Duck!”

Donald Duck can walk around Disney pantless and everyone loves him

but when I do it, it’s “indecent”?

Last time I was at Disney with my dad...

He complimented Ariel on her seashells.

She didn't have seashells. They were more of a small B shell.

Disney just announced a new show for D+ about a time-traveling soccer mom

It’s called The Vandalorian

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.

I'm just back from Walt Disney world so....

What's the difference between Disney+ and Pornhub?

What does women breast and Disney land have in common?

What does Disney and the porn industry have in common?

I have two conditions in my will...

What's Gordon Ramsey's favorite Disney movie?

Did you hear that Disney+ is making a crossover between Star Wars and Back to the Future where the time machine is half car and half person?

When I die, I want my remains scattered over Disney World.

20 minutes into Disney+ and chill...

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Disney collection...

A Republican and Democratic congressman spot each other at Disney World with their respective families.

I just unsubscribed from Disney+

I got thrown out of DisneyWorld for spreading my dead mother’s remains around the park. It was her dying wish.

Did you hear about the new Mexican Disney princess?

I made my own identical copy of Disney Land and only charge visitors a quarter of what Disney does.

Which Disney princess would be the best judge?

Why did Walt Disney fire Snow White?

Walt Disney's body wasn't frozen after he died.

Whats Bill Cosbys favorite disney character?

How is Viagra like Disney World?

Tip: when making a sex tape, play Disney music in the background.

Last week we took the kids to see "Disney On Ice" but it was very disappointing.

Why is Gaston the most peaceful Disney villain?

The Haunted mansion opened three years after Walt Disney died.

**News Flash** Snow White has been kicked out of Disney Land!!

Whos the funniest disney princess?

How do Disney princesses screw in a lightbulb?

A blond is driving to DisneyLand...

My favorite Disney movie is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

Disney isn’t making a second season of Obi-Wan Kenobi

Three pregnant women are chatting in a cafe.

Disney jokes

What do fairy tales, Disney movies and porn have in common?

How can people claim Walt Disney was anti-Semitic...

Obama went on a run

Walt Disney was naughty as a child.

Disney now owns Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, Disney World and the Simpsons...

What's Dio's favourite Disney movie?

Why did the cocaine addict go to Disney World?

Men develop a type based on their favorite Disney princess.

Disney / Star Wars crossovers suck.

What is the difference between Disney and brazzer?

I went to see Disney on ice

Woke Disney has gone too far! First it's hehim and sheher, then it's theythem...

Disney finally released Yoda's last name. His full name is:

Hamlet gets asked to watch a Disney remake.

Which Disney Princess is always on dating apps?

How do you clean Disney World?

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Disney Movies ?

Why did Pinocchio and Cinderella get fired from Disney?

Of all the Disney Princesses, Cinderella is the most experienced and competent at deep-throat

What do you call it when you kill Disney characters?

A shady robed man walks into Disney studios.

What's the difference between Disney and Crosby

Did you hear about the new Disney FastPass?

Walt Disney

[NSFW] Disney Divorce Court

Disney is updating a children's classic with a pandemic theme...

Disney world is reopening today

I was wondering why Disney/Pixar's new movie Turning Red takes place in 2002, then I realized...

Gimme your best Mickey Mouse/Disney character joke!

Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?

Chernobyl is just like Disney land

My friend and I are in my house, arguing about what Disney Pixar movie we’re watching tonight.

What does Disney have in common with a guy in an outhouse in Chicago?

I always wanted a life like a Disney princess

A couple driving to Disney World...

What Disney princess often has to go to the bathroom?

Disney shouldn't have to post warning signs

Disney World is like losing your virginity.

A Disney princess was arrested by mistake

A Disney Language Joke I made up

Looks like Disney isn't sticking to their guns

Heard a rumor that Iron Man is going to be the newest Disney Princess...

I got Disney + and popcorn

My wife and I are going to be Carl and Ellie from Disney's Up for Halloween.

Gordon Ramsay in Disney's frozen...

A guy has a weird disney fetish...

Disney makes female hips very big, anime makes female boobs very big

"All right, for our new Disney+ miniseries, we need to make it a thoughtful, highly entertaining original series AND it needs to connect to an existing Star Wars property."

News Flash Snow White has been kicked out of Disney Land!!