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Global Pandemic Jokes

We’re in a global pandemic?

Says who?

Lol plague inc easy mode is so unrealistic

Like who wouldn’t wash their hands and wear a mask during a global pandemic.

How many cities does it take to start a global pandemic?

Only Wuhan.

This year we learned something very important: The world really isn't prepared for a global pandemic.

Oh well, at least now we know. Hindsight really is 2020.

In the early 2000s I predicted a global pandemic would happen in 2018

but hindsight is 2020.

Who declared the coronavirus outbreak a global pandemic?

Yes.

Smallpox, the Spanish Flu, and the black death have already done the whole global pandemic thing...

What covid is doing is just plaguerism.

what do you call an artist during a global pandemic?

Vincent Van Cough

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between Jesus and vaccines?

One has the ability to prevent disease, slow down and eventually stop a global pandemic, and has saved countless millions of lives.

The other is a giant hoax, made up by evil shit bags to control the global population.

Retail job interview (2012): Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

You mean after the global pandemic or before the war?

COVID-19 has been around for 2 years now and I haven't even caught it once!

Even a global pandemic doesn't want me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Standing at the pearly gates

God: Welcome my son

You........

God: You know why you're here, don't you?

You........

God: Tell me why you're here.

You: Because I was eating ass at a pool party during a global pandemic?

God: Because you were eating ass at a pool party during a global pande...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Because of the coronavirus there’s a new drink people are ordering in bars.

It’s called, “global pandemic.”

What you do is, you drink a corona, then you go and buy all of the toilet paper in the world, like a jackass.

A student never turns in his homework because his dog keeps eating it. After moving to online classes, the teacher thought he finally wouldn’t have an excuse.

Because of the global pandemic, the teacher had to move the assignments online. Thinking of this student, she thought that he surely wouldn’t have an excuse anymore and would finally have to turn an assignment in.

But after the assignment was due and the teacher was done grading, she noticed...

I've been bugging my ex-girlfriend...

I've been bugging my ex-girlfriend for a few days now since i wanted to get back and she's been avoiding me pretty badly.

The conversation went this way.

Me: Babe, why are you avoiding me like this.

She: you haven't caught the covid-19 yet?

Me: Nope, why?

She: Don...

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