As the owner of the BDSM club, I'd love to waive your entry fee, but I can't do that...

...my hands are tied!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bloke walks into an extremely posh restaurant, sits down and waives the waiter over. "I want to see the cock-sucking, mother-fucking boss now," he says.

The waiter is naturally a bit taken aback and replies "Excuse me, sir, would you refrain from using that kind of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as I can."

The manager comes over and the bloke says "Are you the chicken fucking manager of this bastard joint?" "Yes sir, I am", ...

Stephen Sondheim, John Madden, and Betty White walk up to the Pearly Gates

And St. Peter says, "We're pretty full, so we're making people pass additional tests. I know this is going to sound weird, but God has been hanging out with Chuck Yeager this week, and he's only letting in people who have a connection to Jets." All three sets of eyes light up.

Sondheim step...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy has a mouse stuck in his ass

So he goes to the doctor. The doctor says "Don't worry, I've seen this before" and asks the man to bend over for an exam. Immediately, the doctor sees the nose of the mouse. The doctor says that he knows exactly what to do and he will be right back as he exits the room.

The doctor comes bac...

What is it called when a short person waives at you?

A microwave

A group of aeronautics professors walked onto a plane...

They all settled down into their seats when there was an announcement."We have decided to waive your fee since you were responsible for educating our engineer staff on how to construct this fine plane!"

All the professors run out of the plane immediately except one.

When a stewardess a...

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away

A Jedi apprentice was sitting in a local cantina as a pretty young lady came strolling in. She walks up to the bar and asks if the seat next to him was taken, to which he replied "no, it's all yours if you'd like to take a seat" they get to talking a little bit and he asks her "may i buy you a drink...

Jogging in the forest

A man is taking a jog in the forest. He realizes he is lost after a while and soon sees another man jogging in the forest. The first man asks the second man for directions, and the second man says, "Sure! I have a truck we can take into the city."

The first man agrees, thinking that the secon...

An old man is traveling to a far off land, but is arrested in a city named Runnia along the way.

The townspeople of Runnia are convinced that he was the murderer of Barth F. Bradley, the local butcher. Though there is not much evidence of the claim, a witness claims he saw the old man leave Bradley's shop on the night of the murder. The townspeople, who were always suspicious of strangers, cons...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My best joke.

Moses, Jesus, and a very old man are starting their day of golf at the first tee off.
Moses steps up to the tee, plants his stance, firms up, and smokes a drive that curves right towards a pond. Moses waives his club in the air, the pond immediately parts, the golf ball bounces in and out of the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jim, the foul mouthed 1st grader.

Jim's a special boy. His teacher knows he's had it rough and understands why he's a disruptive and crude child yet she avoids calling on him when his hand is raised; he's got a terribly foul mouth.

While reviewing the alphabet, the teacher was asking the students for names of animals with co...

I got drunk tonight at a Christmas party and took a cab home. I got lucky.

Just a few miles from the party, the police had setup a DUI checkpoint, but since this was a cab, they waived it through and I made it home safely.

This was a huge relief because I have never driven a cab before. They handle just like regular cars.

An Chinese tourist goes into a bank

He approaches a teller, and gives him a 1000 Yuan in cash, and says "Dollar, please".

The teller understands, takes the cash, makes some calculations and hands him back $150. The Chinese guy takes the cash and walks out of the bank.

A week later, he goes into the same bank, with anothe...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.