Get Out Of Jokes - 42 Hilarious Get Out Of Jokes

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How to get out of a speeding ticket...

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer...

How do you get 30 Canadians out of a pool?

You say, “O.K., everybody, it’s time to get out of the pool!”

What do you call something that’s easy to get into, but hard to get out of?

Trouble.

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How did I get out of Iran?

Iraq.

What’s hard to get into, but even harder to get out of?

A shower in winter.

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Mother: "Come on, Victor, you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for school."

Victor: "Mom, do I have to? All the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me, too."

Mother: "Yes, you do."

Victor: "Give me one good reason."

Mother: "Because you're 47 years old, and you're the principal."

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To get out of friend zone ,send her a dick pic

Whatever happens next ,you won't be stuck in friend zone for sure

Watched this TV show called "How To Get Out Of Bed"

Exciting stuff...I was on the edge of my sheet

So a wife is yelling at her husband to get out of the house...

"I hate you, I want a divorce! Get out!"

As he walks out the door she screams: "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"

Husband says: "So wait a minute, now you want me to stay?"

How did I get out of Afghanistan?

Iran.

My wife asked me to get out of the house because I can’t stop singing Christmas songs.

I said, “But Baby, it’s cold outside.”

Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. “Get out of here!” shouts the bartender...

>!“We don’t serve your type.”!<

Scruffy! Get out of there!

A young man nervously went to his girlfriend’s house for dinner and to meet her family. As they were sitting eating, his nerves were getting the better of him and he felt a tremendous build up of gas. Unfortunately, since he was the focus of attention, he just couldn’t find a break in the conversati...

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Ever since having my baby daughter, she's become the only reason I get out of bed

16 times every fucking night.

Courtesy of Alexa: how does a banana get out of jail?

It wins on appeal.

How does a Midwesterner get out of a painful social situation?

They pop an OPE-ioid

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Every time I get out of the shower and look into the mirror, I see an asshole.

Maybe I should have installed it at eye level

How to get out of friendzone

"Hey does this rag smell like chloroform to you?" Works everytime

I was told to get out of my comfort zone

So I started driving on the other side of the road

Not only I’m I uncomfortable, but so is everybody else

How do you get out of a jam?

By having a toast

Every morning I get out of the house, a bike keeps running me over.

It’s a vicious cycle.

What do you call a police officer that doesn't get out of bed?

An under cover cop.

How did I help the lady get out of the hole

I used a pickup line

What inspires you to get out of bed every day?

My bladder mostly.

How did the crazy person get out of the forest?

He took the psychopath!

Since my wife left me, there is a song that I just can’t get out of my head

It’s called “ I am so miserable without you, it’s like having you still around”

Ever since my covid vaccine I've been feeling tired and unable to get out of bed

Glad to see there are no side-effects.

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Why can’t you get out of a sex cult with R Kelly?

One you’re in, urine.

How do you get out of San Francisco?

Go straight....

Why can't proctologists get out of debt?

They're always in arrears.

A recent study was conducted to find out why husbands get out of bed at night.

The results found that 5% were getting a snack, 10% percent were going to the toilet and the remaining 85% were going home.

What do you call someone who can easily get out of a sweater?

Hoodie-ni

I asked an Ikea assistant to get out of my way.

He said, “You’re going to have to make me.”

Why do women get out of jail sooner than men?

Because periods ends sentences.

What should you do when you get out of Yale?

Try to get a yob

How do you get out of a room with impossibly high walls id all you have is a peice of wood?

First you rub the wood on your arm to create a sore. Then you use the saw to cut the wood in half. You stick the wood together again to get a whole. And you crawl out of the hole to freedom!

How did Batman get out of religious jail?

He had to pay Christian Bail

Did you hear about the beehive bees can’t get out of?

I heard it’s un-bee-leaveable.

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A few puns I thought of while trying not to get out of bed

What did the Alabama sister say to her sibling?

"Cum at me bro".

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Why did the wild fowl sneak into the girls washroom?

He was a peeking duck

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What did the fruit farmer say when asked about his crops?

"It's bananas"

\...

I was pulled over by the police for a suspected DUI. They ask me to get out of my car.

Officer: We Are Going To Give You A Sobriety Test.
Me: OK

Officer: Say The Alphabet Starting At L, Backward.

Me: L At Starting Alphabet The.

They Let Me Go.

How do you get out of a casino as a millionaire?

You go in as a billionaire.

Why couldn't the number 3 get out of bed

he could not even

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