How are Jesus and old erasers the same?

They both died for our mistakes.

I made a pencil with two erasers.

It was pointless...

PS: I actually didn't, but it's my favourite bad joke, and it's my cake day, so I can do whatever I want!

Edit #1: If you didn't see my comment somehow, I feel scammed, because at the time of posting this, I yet had like 2 hours of my cake day left. I guess Reddit d...

What did people say when the inventor of the Dry Erase Board showed off his new invention.

That's Remarkable!

Terrible joke, came to me on the toilet early, but I had to say it. And it is also likely be told in some form before.

I made a pencil with two erasers.

It was pointless.

I get aroused when I erase pencil drawings

In fact, I think I'm gonna rub one out

I ordered a pen with an eraser on both sides

It was pointless

I named my eraser Confidence

Because it gets smaller after every mistake I make

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man waiting at the airport overhears some people mention that the Pope will be on board his flight

"the Pope!" He thought. "Getting to see or even meet him would be amazing!"

He boards rhe plane with everyone and luckily enough his seat is right next to his holiness himself.


The man is nervous and doesn't know what to say to him so he remains quiet and begins reading his book. ...

Of all the inventions of the last 100 years...

the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scientists have discovered a food that totally erases a woman 's sex drive.

It's called a wedding cake.

Why did the invention of the dry erase board amaze the world?

Because it was re-markable

I've found dry erase boards to be remarkable.

I've found dry erase boards to be remarkable.

Why did the eraser on the end of the pencil feel like giving up?

Because it couldn't see the point.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is taking his first ever flight

A man is taking his first ever flight and he's very excited. He's wanted to fly on a plane ever since he was a little boy. He's especially excited about the prospect of who he could be seated next to. His mind full with anticipation over the possibilities- it could be a celebrity, his favorite athle...

My dad bought an eraser that advertises as “erases big mistakes”

I’m sweating right now

What do you call a pencil with erasers on both sides?

Pointless, like your comments lol

I was sitting on the couch when my mom came up to me and started rubbing me with an eraser...

I asked her what she was doing and she replied, "Well, aren't erasers for mistakes?"

Two men are sitting next to one another on a plane...

The one guy is doing a crossword puzzle and is growing increasingly agitated.

“Need any help?”, says the guy on the aisle.

“Thanks. I need a four letter word for a female, ending in ‘unt’”.

“Aunt?”

“Wow! Thanks!”

“No problem. Anything else?”

“Um... you...

A gentleman is preparing to board a plane, when he hears that the Pope is on the same flight.

A gentleman is preparing to board a plane, when he hears that the Pope is on the same flight. “This is exciting,” thinks the gentleman. “Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person.” Imagine his surprise when the Pope sits down in the seat next to him. Shortly after take-off, the Pope begins a crosswo...

Crossword

The Pope is doing a crossword puzzle at the Vatican. He turns to the Cardinal and asks, “What is a word for a woman that ends in ‘u-n-t’?”

The Cardinal says, “Aunt.”

The Pope says, “Got an eraser?”

What do an eraser company and an abortion clinic have in common?

They both make money on your mistakes.

As a kid, I once ate a Star Wars eraser...

It was a little Chewie.

The Inventor of the Cassette Tape Died This Week...

But his memory will never be erased.

It will get a bit fuzzy over time though.

A guy was boarding a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight. "This is exciting!" thought the gentleman. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person.” Suddenly, the man realized his seat was right next to the Pope himself!

Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to His Holiness.

Shortly after take-off, the Pope took a crossword puzzle out of his carry on bag and began penciling in the answers.

"This is fantastic!" the gentleman mused. "I'm really good at crosswords!"

It crossed his mind that if ...

People warned me not to get a tattoo of anyone's name, in case I stopped loving that person after a week, month, year, etc.

Does anyone know of a really good tattoo removal service where can get my kid's name completely erased?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vladimir Putin is hosting a summit with Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, and Justin Trudeau.

As a part of the summit, Putin takes the three leaders to a wilderness area outside of Moscow and dismisses the press corps, and a large wolf in a cage is brought out.


"Friends, this savage wolf was trapped and brought from the wilds of Siberia just yesterday. I want to show you what ki...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The 1st day at school: the new student named Jose Armando, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the 5th grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Jose, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?"
Again, no response except from Jose :"Abraham Lincoln, 1863....

My dad keeps throwing erasers at me...

My dad keeps throwing erasers at me and I finally snapped, "Why dad!" he replied "the first rubber I used didn't get rid of my mistake, maybe this one will"

Have you guys heard the one about the pencil with an eraser at both ends?

It's not that great. It doesn't have a point, really.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy in full medieval armor walks into a bar

He sits down at the counter and asks the bartender for a gin and tonic.

The bartender preps the drink, but the armored man is visibly dissatisfied with the drink.

"Barkeep? Wouldst thou kindly rehome this drink in a larger glass?"

The bartender does so.

"Verily, I tha...

The TSA just announced they're banning erasers on flights.

They're capable of math destruction.

Joe was doing a crossword puzzle in a train car.

the guy next to him and the two women behind her were also doing the same puzzle.

once, the guy asked him "whats a word ending with *k* and means intercourse?"

he replied "talk"

behind him, the woman asked "hey you got an eraser?"



later the guy asked "you know a w...

I'd always wondered why they didn't make pencils with erasers on either side

Then I realised there wouldn't be any point.

Ever stop to think that

The eraser has been sacrificing its life slowly because of your mistakes?

If I had a dollar for every time I saw an AudiBook ad....

I'd have enough money to buy the company and erase it

Did you hear the one about the whistle-blower for the Church of Scientology?

###

Nobody did. He was swiftly killed and any evidence surrounding his existence was erased from history and censored from the internet.

A guy sits on a plane and realizes he’s sitting beside The Pope.

He’s too intimidated to say anything but after awhile The Pope taps him on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me my son, but I’m doing a crossword puzzle and I’m stuck. The clue is ‘a 4 letter word that you can call a woman’ and it ends with U-N-T.”

The man sits for a minute, stumped until he exc...

Warning.

Don't let them take your forehead temperature at the supermarket, because it erases your memory. I went for macaroni and cheese.

And came home with two cases of beer.

We all wear him and tear him in pieces, puncture holes in it, tear apart his clothes, and still not be guilty.

I'm talking about an eraser.

Good ole little Johnny was sitting in class

The teacher drew a line with three birds on it up on the blackboard.



"Ok, class, there are three birds on a wire, if one of the birds falls off, how many birds are left?"



As she erases one of the birds on the blackboard, little Susie in the front row raises her hand and...

The Pope gets on an aeroplane and sits next to an Irishman

His cardinals sit behind him and the Irishman. The aeroplane gets high up in the air and the Pope takes out a crossword that he's been solving and gets stuck on one clue. The clue has three letters already filled.

*"14. A woman in your life."*

*"\_UNT"*

The Pope shows the clue t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.

She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?" "I just saw one of your garters!" he replied. "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for two days!"

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realising she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the v...

Cardinal on way to Vatican Doing Crossword In Airplane

Asks guy next to him for help:

"Can you help me, I need the first letter to a 4 letter word and am stuck. I have a guess but I think it's not right. Last 3 letters are unt"

Neighbor: "Yes, of course, it's an A as in Aunt"

Cardinal: "Thank you! Of course. Would you happen t...

Dirty Ernie was in school and the teacher says “let’s do description and guessing, Tammy, reach in this bag and describe what you feel” Tammy reaches inside and says “ it’s round and

firm I think it’s a ball “ the teacher says “no! It’s an orange”Johnny comes up next and reaches in “ it’s rectangular and firm it’s an eraser!” Teacher goes no “It’s a granola bar” dirty Ernie stands up and goes “ teacher I’m reaching in my pocket abd felling something long hard with a firm pink ti...

Genie: OK, I'm ready for your third wish.

Me: Third? What about the first two?

Genie: Well, this is a little unusual, but after your first wish, you screamed like a madman and said "I wish I'd never made that wish!" So that counted as your second wish, and I erased your memory of both of them.

Me: Well, OK. I wish I real...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A philosophy professor walks in to give his class their final.

Placing his chair on his desk the professor instructs the class, "Using every applicable thing you've learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES NOT EXIST."

So, pencils are writing and erasers are erasing, students are preparing to embark on novels proving that this chair doesn'...

People make mistakes

That's why a pencil has an eraser and Katie has gonorrhea

Einstein dies and goes to heaven

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him,

"You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to

sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a ...

A devout Catholic man has just boarded a plane, and he's really dreading the long flight ahead. All of a sudden, the pope boards and takes a seat right next to him! What an honor!

The man sits there, thinking about how best to conduct himself and what to say, when the pope takes out a golf pencil and starts doing a crossword puzzle. Wow, His Holiness does crossword puzzles? the man thinks. I hope he asks me for help. That'll be my in for a wonderful conversation!

Sure ...

In a classroom...

The girl students were really upset and shouted together in class in unison for justice. The agahst teacher asked for a reason. They asked him to look at the blackboard in which was written in bold "**50% of girls don't have brains**", which the girls asserted was the job done by boys on purpose....

A man takes a seat on a plane next to, none other than, the Pope.

The whole flight the man sweats beads being so nervous having been sat next to his holiness.

The man is able to keep his calm and avoid an awkward conversation as the Pope focuses all of his attention on a crossword puzzle.

A couple hours into the flight the man hears his Holiness mu...

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion...

I think EA should be in charge of handling the corona outbreak..

They already erased one Pandemic successfully.

The Pope In The Airplane

The pope is in an airplane doing a crossword puzzle and this guy sitting next to him is totally taken aback with excitement. He thinks to himself "I'm pretty good at crosswords maybe he'll ask me to help him with one of the words."

Sure enough the pope turns to him and says "What is a four...

A user is new to Reddit.

His friend—who is a longtime user—agrees to show him around the site. They go to r/jokes, and the user simply posts “7.”

Immediately, people begin upvoting and commenting their approval. The new user is puzzled.

The Reddit veteran then posts “13,” much to the pleasure of the sub. The p...

What does a russian spy and a teenager have in common

They both have erased history

Death has a list

Whoever is in top of the list gets visited by death and killed. One day, he knocks on a man's door and tells him, 'I've come to kill you .' The man was scared, but thinking quickly, said, ' At least come in ,have dinner, and a good night's sleep before killing me.' Death accepted, but unbeknownst...

Another wooden ball?

Would it kill the makers of avocados to include a different toy, like a mood ring or a novelty eraser?

Yo mama so fat

That Thanos had to clap in order to erase her

Whiteboards are pretty amazing

You can draw on them, erase your work, and then draw again!

I guess you could say they are pretty re-mark-able.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's black and white, red all over, and can't turn around in a hallway?

A nun with a spear through her

(Told this to a nun in highschool during class. She threw a blackboard eraser at me but laughed)

At one point in time, Bowsette was the hottest thing on the internet.

Looking back, I might need to erase my Bowser history.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to see his gynecologist

"So, what seems to be the problem sir?" The doctor asks politely.

"Well, uh, there seems to be something wrong with my genitals..." he says awkwardly. "I want you to check up on me, but I'm embarrassed you'll laugh"

"Sir, I have been in the medical business for 15 years, and I have nev...

I miss my students a lot...

Over time, they've gotten really good at dodging the chalkboard erasers I throw at them.

A Mans walking in a cemetery and he hears this noise...

It sounded like someone was using a eraser. He walks towards a grave and it gets louder. So he digs up the casket and sees Mozart Erasing all of his music,and the man says "Mozart what are you doing!" Then Mozart says "I'm decomposing"

A catholic kid is in school and needs help

While the teacher was helping the student, he suddenly makes a mistake


Teacher: Oh, you need to erase that


Kid: I can't


Teacher: Why?


Kid: Because I didn't bring a rubber


Teacher: Why not?


Kid: Because my dad said it's a s...

I miss my students a lot...

The chalkboard eraser always ends up hitting the wall!

I asked this girl in my class for a rubber...

forgot that in the U.S. they call it an eraser

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went to the doctor but was embarrassed when he realised it was a female doctor.

"What seems to be the problem?" asked the doctor.

"I don't want to show you, you'll laugh" replied the man timidly.

The doctor tried her best to reassure the man. "I've been a doctor for twenty three years, never once have I laughed at a patient. I assure you, whatever the problem is, ...

His Holiness the Pope is an avid fan of crosswords, and one day he was struggling with one...

"I can't seem to get this last word to fit!" He complained to his aide.

"Have you checked the other cross words, your Holiness?"

"Yes, but it's only the one word, and it's a four letter word for a woman, that ends in 'unt'''

"A yes, aunt!" Said the aide.

Suddenly the Pope...

Four across...

Two men are sat completing a crossword puzzle on a train, sat across from them is a Priest. The first man starts to scratch his head, and he asks the man across from him:

"A word, four across, ending with unt..."

The other man asks him:

"Well, what's the clue?"

He replie...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was relaxing on a long flight...

A man was relaxing on a long flight keeping to himself when he starts to get bored. He starts looking around the cabin and notices that he's sitting next to the Pope who's doing a crossword. He starts to think this will be an interesting story to tell his friends back home when he feels a tug at his...

How do you know when a blonde's been at your computer?

There's white out on the screen.

Why white out?

'Cause the eraser didn't work.

So the Pope is doing a crossword puzzle when a Bishop walks in.

"What is a four letter word for a woman that ends in -unt?" the Pope asks. The Bishop thinks for a minute, afraid to say such a word to the holiest of men. Then a miracle comes to him. "A-unt?" he suggests. "Yes, that fits better, got an eraser?"

Crossword Puzzle Pope

A businessman is getting on a flight when he hears from another passenger that the Pope is going to be on the flight.

"WOW, great!" he thinks, being a devout Christian, "What a good place to be today."

Just before the aircraft doors are closed the Pope enters the plane and sits next to...

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