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Fortunately Jokes

Fortunately her pa is rich

"So you think your daughter has exceptional talent?"

"There's no doubt of it," replied the fond mother, "although we can't exactly locate it. The music teacher says it's for painting and the art teacher says it's for music."

Daniel Craig has narrowly avoided death after falling into an industrial mixer whilst on a Martini factory tour. Fortunately the machine wasn't switched on.

He is reportedly shaken

99.9% of people are idiots.

Fortunately, I belong to the 1% of intelligent people

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I accidentally walked in on my roommate and his girlfriend having sex;

fortunately they didn't see me for almost a half hour.

I used to be an angsty teenager. Fortunately it was just a phase though.

Now I’m an angsty adult.

I almost lost my job as a DJ at a country music station

I accidentally played the same three songs for five hours. Fortunately, our listeners didn't seem to notice.

People keep telling me I'm going straight to Hell for drinking all the time.

Fortunately the ground stops me every time .

My grief counselor suddenly died.

Fortunately he was excellent so I don't care.

Someone keyed the music teacher’s car

Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor

Fortunately I've never been brainwashed,

so my mind gets dirtier each day.

Fortunately the California earthquakes were a bit out in the desert so not many people got hurt.

But a few snakes were rattled.

Fortunately my cat Whiskers did not win the feline booty contest...

We avoided a cat-ass-trophy

Two newfies are robbing a house

Two newfies (guys from Newfoundland) are robbing a house.

One of them is upstairs, and after dropping a big lamp, he hears the home's owner get up to investigate the noise. As he gets close, the robber goes "Miiaaowwww" imitating a cat, then he hears the guy grubling "God damn it, stupid cat"...

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