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Thankfully Jokes

Thankfully no one was hurt

A man and a woman get in a terrible car wreck.

Both of their vehicles were completely destroyed, but fortunately, no one was hurt.

Thankful, the woman says to the man in a flirting tone,

"We're both okay, we should celebrate."

So the woman gets a bottle of wine out of...

Thankfully it's not another virus we have to worry about.

The police have found a large number of dead crows on the 101 just north of
Ventura early this morning, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu
A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed
the problem was NOT Avian Flu.
Th...

I thankfully wasn’t close to my father when he died..

He stepped on a Land Mine.

I'm 60 days clean now.

It's been hard showering every day, but thankfully I had heroin to help me through it.

The cast of “Friends” got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.

Because Lisa Kudrow and David was a good Schwimmer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grief councillor died recently

Thankfully he was so good that I don't give a shit

EDIT: *Counselor, I can't spell it would seem

EDIT 2: Credit to Gary Delaney, for this is one of his one liners. Credit to the redditors who pointed it out

Thankfully, someone created an online resource for everyone who suffered retinal damage watching the solar eclipse.

It truly is a site for sore eyes.

When God integrated Planet Earth, he thankfully recalled his Calculus lesson.

He remembered to add the sea.

Thankfully in divorce court, there is always two winners!

The lawyers.

I took a cab home the other night and thankfully everything ended fine!

Over the weekend, I was out drinking with some friends and we ended up finishing off the handful of beers with a couple shots before heading out. (Not a smart move, I know)

I was nervous about taking a cab home, but my friends all insisted it was in my best interest.

Sure enough, I wa...

If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Sci Fi is Doctor Who. But if I'm being completely objective...

I'd say it's Doctor Whom.

^*Edit: ^As ^a ^few ^have ^astutely ^pointed ^out, ^the ^character's ^name ^is ^just ^"The ^Doctor"; ^I ^should ^have ^said ^"the ^greatest ^sci ^fi ^show ^is ^Doctor ^Who" ^instead ^of ^"greatest ^hero ^in ^sci ^fi". ^Thankfully ^the ^dumb ^joke ^still ^works ^in ^t...

My dad always wanted me to be a millionaire and thankfully I didn't disappoint him.

He died before he got a chance to see how poor I am.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My priest got mad at me for drawing a risque woman showing her butt on a stained window, but thankfully he let me off with a warning.

Looks like I got a crass glass lass ass mass pass.

I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.

Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.

Although the cannibalism of the praying mantis may seem severe, it is thankfully brief. In other species, the female will slowly suck the life out of her partner over a period of decades.

This process is commonly called marriage.

My friend threw a bottle of omega-3 capsules at me but I wasn’t really injured

Thankfully, they were super-fish-oil injuries

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