My new girlfriend is so needy...

She keeps making demands like, "Untie me! Tell me who you are!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

My wife just told me she was going to donate some of her clothes to the needy

I told her anybody who could fit in her clothes definitely isn’t very needy.

Everybody keeps saying I'm needy but I'm not.

I'm wanty.

The Pope opens up the newspaper, and finds the headline says he has been accused of Matchfixing!

The Pope opens up the newspaper, and finds the headline says he has been accused of Matchfixing!

Although he doesn't have to, he decides to go to court to clear his name of this slander.

At the courtroom, the prosocuter asks him, "Is is true that you sent Juventus your thoughts and pra...

Even Santa can have a bad day.

There he was one Christmas Eve many years ago, he'd had a runner break on the sleigh and had elves working round the clock to fix it; the toy workshop had a hole in the roof and half the year's run of toys were ruined by rainwater; two of the reindeer had colic and he had to drag two elderly ones ou...

A Halloween joke?

A homeless man named Sturgis was walking down to his town's Human Resources to apply for housing assisstance. When he gets there, he sees some strange creatures in line ahead of him. Cousin It from the Adams' family was there, as well as the Looney Tunes version of Mr. Hyde. Among them was your typi...

An elderly jewish man visits a brothel.

The madam opened the brothel door to see an elderly Jewish man. His clothes were all dishevelled and he looked needy.
Can I help you?" the madam asked.
I want Natalie," the old man replied.
Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else..."
No, I must see Natalie....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was in line to meet the Pope. He was wearing his best suit.

The Pope came towards him. But, he stopped and whispered something in the ear of the man right next to him. This man was a bum dressed in a dirty shirt, ripped pants, and he smelled bad. “Of course,” thought the man.”He wouldn’t stop to meet me.The Pope only talks to the needy and misfortune.” So, h...

A nun arrives at heaven's gates and is met by St Peter

St Peter says:
"Sister Mary, you have led a dutiful pious life, dedicated to God, and to helping the needy. As a special reward, we will return you to Earth to live once more. Who would you like to return as in your second life?"

"Sarah Pippilini!", says Sister Mary.

"Fine", says ...

I have at last fulfilled my dream of becoming arms dealer...

... by selling 3D printed prosthetic limbs for the needy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How one rough day can ruin your reputation...

A young man walks into a pub sits down and orders a pint. As he's drinking his pint he notices an older fellow just pounding back shot after shot of whiskey, looking absolutely miserable. Well, the young man is a bit curious, so he sits down next to the older gentleman and asks:

"Why so glu...

The American, the Chinese and the Mexican.

So an American, a Chinese and a Mexican are on a boat with food they are taking to needy countries. 6 hours-in, they realized that the boat was slowly sinking and that they should remove stuff they have too much of in their country.
The Mexican says ok:" I brought a lot a tacos and *flour tortil...

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