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Forties Jokes

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A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift.

The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob", where a small knob is placed on the top of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift.

Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob."

Over the course of the years, the wom...

A woman in her forties tells her doctor, “My husband has completely lost interest in me”.

He gives her a bottle of drops, and tells her: “Put three drops in his dinner, no more, no less”.

She then goes home and makes dumplings. Right before the time he usually gets home from work, she puts three drops in, but then remembers how apathetic he is, and goes for the whole bottle.
...

The madam opened the brothel door in Elko County, Nevada, and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

“May I help you, sir?" she asked.

"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.

"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.

"No, I must see Valerie," he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the ma...

A priest visits his cousin, who is also a priest.

The two priests, both in their forties, sit down to dinner.

The visiting priest says, "Cousin, I couldn't help noticing that your housekeeper is quite a young and attractive woman. I take it relations between the two of you are not always completely platonic?"

"How dare you! I am a man...

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In your forties it feels like everything is hard.

Except for my stomach and my penis.

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A man in his forties goes to his doctor.

A man in his forties goes to his doctor for a checkup. The doctor goes over his physical and blood work and says "Well Mr. Smith, everything looks great! You are in excellent shape and health for a man ten years younger! Do you have anything going on that might be concerning you?". Mr. Smith replies...

A man in his mid forties bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.

A man in his mid forties bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.

The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to see what the engine had. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue ligh...

When does it become socially acceptable for adults to build little hideouts out of pillows again?

When they’re in their forties

I was castrated yesterday :( but it's ok, I hear there's a good chance they'll grow back when I'm in my forties.

Apparently 85% of marriages don't last until then.

Why a fourth time?

A woman in her eighties made the evening news because she was getting married for the fourth time. The following day she was being interviewed by a local TV station, and the commentator asked about what it felt to be married again at that age and would she share part of her previous experiences, sin...

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A family is sitting around the dinner table...

The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there? The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After f...

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By the old farm

About to hit forties, a successful business man from New York wants to get married. He wants a pretty and young girl, around 21 years old to show off to his fellow business men. However, as a religious man, he is looking for a virgin, which are kinda hard to find this days.

So he heads up to ...

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