Two old drunks are sitting in a bar when the first one says, "Ya know, when I was thirty and got an erection, I couldn't bend it, even using both hands.
By the time I was forty, I could bend it about ten degrees if I tried really hard.
By the time I was fifty, I could bend it about for...
A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her: "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it.
She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Walmart parking lot, ...
Just In Time
A cop was on night patrol driving up near lover's lookout when he noticed a parked car with a young man reading on the front seat and a young woman knitting on the back seat. He pulled over and walked up to their car. "What are you doing, Son?" the cop asked. "Reading," the young man answered. The c...
A bloke is sent by his wife to get snails to make escargot...
"I expect ya back in an hour as the bread's already bakin' and the wine's already breathin' on the table" says his wife .
The bloke walks down the path towards town and the local market. Upon arriving he finds the snails, and he spends a good five minutes picking out the biggest and juiciest ...
I quit drinking once.
Toughest forty five minutes of my life.
() So me and a couple of my friends agreed to a
And we went at it for forty five minutes, slapping cheeks, swearing, sweating but then I stop and I ask him, “Hey bro, when is she getting here?”
A lawyer dies and goes to heaven
Upon arriving at the pearly gates he sees a great crowd of welcomers and well wishers. It’s a huge party, all for him, with welcome banners, a choir, the whole shebang.
St Peter claps him in the shoulders and says “welcome home at last my long awaited child.”
“I don’t understand, why a...
I was walking past Toys R Us today, when I noticed a really long line outside...
I asked a worker, "What's everyone here for?"
He said, "That's the Barbie queue."
Then, like an fool, I stood in it for forty five minutes waiting for a burger...
Three men out golfing....
Three men were out golfing one sunny day. They were just about done with hole 8, when they heard a young lady calling from the green on hole 9. They all walked over there, and asked the young lady what she needed. She said, "Well, I came out to the golf course today hoping to beat my last score. If ...
3 jokes are hidden here because they may not be suitable for all ages.
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