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Weather Forecast Jokes

I won gold at a weather forecasting event yesterday,

I beat the raining champion.

On a weather forecast in Russia reporter said it was -50C in Yakutsk.

On a weather forecast in Russia reporter said it was -50C in Yakutsk.

A guy from Moscow says to his wife:
Guy:- They are overreacting, I'll call my cousin who lives there, and he'll tell me the truth.

He calls his cousin and asks,
Guy:- What's the weather like where you are?...

I think my wife is a weather forecaster...

A guy called up asking if the coast was clear.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do weather forecasters have in common with Nazis?

They often lie about showers.

Did you hear the weather forecast for the hiphop festival?

...They're calling for a Lil Wayne

Hey, Roy Moore; what's the weather forecast?

Tonight, we'll be dipping into the teens.

On my visit to Chicago, the weather forecast said it was muggy.

The forecaster was right. I went outside and someone stole my shoes.

Todays weather forecast…

S
O
e

S

H
W R

Scattered showers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Indian weather forecast.

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation
asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold
or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern
society, he had never been taught the old secrets.

When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather
was g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My sex life is like a weather forecast in the winter.

I predict they will get 5-7 inches but they usually only get 2-3 inches.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call an overweight penis doctor that can also tell you the weather forecast?

A meaty-urologist.

Lesson in History The king wanted to go fishing and he asked the royal weather forecaster the forecast for the next few hours. The palace meteorologist assured him that there was no chance of rain.

So the king and the queen went fishing. On the way they met a man with a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and the king asked the man if the fish were biting.

The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace! In just a short time I expect a huge rain storm."

The king r...

Why are most weather forecasters men?

Because when they promise a foot, you know you're only getting three inches.

Musings on Weather Forecasts

If a male meteorologist tells you there'll be 8 inches of snow that means one thing.

But if a female meteorologist tells you there'll be 8 inches of snow that means another.

Tomorrow's weather forecast for Canada is in, just in time for cannabis legalization

It's going to be cloudy with a chance of Doritos.

This weather forecast extinguished my hope for a good day. They predicted 20% showers...

and 80% bathtubs.

What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when he asked what the weather forecast for Christmas was?

It looks like rain, dear.

Russian man is watching weather forecast on TV and they say that it's -50°C in Siberia today...

In disbelief he calls his Siberian friend:

\- Hey, I've heard is super cold in Siberia these days?

\- Nah, it's nothing special, about -25°.

\- Yeah? On TV they've said it's -50° C!

\- Ah, this must be outside.

A guy was watching TV in Moscow, and the weather forecaster says that it's -35C (-31F) in Irkutsk, Siberia.

The guy is impressed, and he remembers that he had a classmate who moved to Irkutsk. So he finds his number and calls him. "Hey, how are you doing? I heard you have really terrible temperature in Irkutsk, right?" "No, why, we have, like, -5C (23F) here", replies his friend. "Oh, and the weather ...

The weather forecaster this morning said that vision might be impaired by fog.

I agree with him, but that's a weird way to spell "Whiskey".

The CIA lost track of its operative in Ireland “Murphy. ”

The CIA boss says, “All I can tell you is that his name is Murphy and that he’s somewhere in Ireland. If you think you’ve located him, tell him the code words, “The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning. ” If it’s really him, he’ll answer, “Yes, and for mist at noon as well. ”

So the...

What do you call a male pig with no legs and delusions of being a weather forecaster?

Groundhog

What's the hottest and coolest news program?

The weather forecast

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the skeleton know it was going to rain?

He read the weather forecast you fucking idiot, what do you think?

James was walking down the road one morning when he met his friend Danny.

"Morning, Danny. Er ... Danny, you're wearing a glove on one hand and none on the other. Did you know?"

"Yes, well I heard the weather forecast this morning, you see."

"The Weather forecast?"

"Yes, the weather forecast. the forecaster said on the one hand it might be fine but on...

Kylie Jenner just named her newborn baby daughter Stormi

I think the Kardashian family is trying to have a weather forecast for her kids, because it's going to be Stormi in North West Chicago with a chance of Reign.

an Amazon native can predict the weather

Engineers were preparing to build a highway in the middle of the Amazon forest when a native rocked up and told them to seek shelter because there would be heavy rain in 2 hours. The engineers looked up at the clear sky, didn't heed the man's prediction and continued with their work. In exactly 2 ho...

The English we Speak....

**Helen:** Hello and welcome to The English We Speak from BBC Learning English, I'm Helen. With me today is quite a frustrated-looking Neil. Neil, what are you doing to that mobile phone?


**Neil:** Argh, I can't get it to make a phone call. It does everything else: it takes photos, it c...

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