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Spree Jokes

Schrodinger's Cat recently went on a crime spree

He's wanted dead and alive

A Train Goes on a Crime Spree

A train goes on a crime spree. When he was finally caught he was asked why he did what he did. "I don't know, I think I went crazy, guess you could say I had loco motives...

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A serial killer goes on a killing spree

He then skins all the faces off his victim and puts them in giant scrapbook.


The scrapbook is then tied to a post which he erects on his front lawn. It is quite a gruesome sight to behold.


Naturally the police find him pretty easily.


When he gets to court though his ...

A robot went on a crime spree in our neighbourhood right before it ran out of battery.

The cops are refusing to charge the perpetrator.

Shopping Spree

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman, as he handed her a few of his business cards.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesm...

There is a mysterious crime spree going on at our local IKEA.

The cops are having a hard time putting the pieces together.

Killing spree in London england

A man in London had an assault rifle and body armor today. He was on a shooting spree for 5 hours. The police in England don't even carry guns. The guy kept shouting that he is going around London and killing all the British he finds.

There are reports coming out now that the body count coul...

Police have arrested a gang of Corn Flakes that they alledge committed a spree of armed robberies throughout the metro area. A Police spokesman described them as...

....cereal offenders.

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Hannibal Lecter escapes his prison, and begins a cannibalistic killing spree.

Bodies turn up all over the city, mutilated and butchered like livestock. The livers are missing from the bodies, as is muscle from the shoulders, legs and back, the tongues, a variety of human flesh all carved out and eaten by Lecter after killing his victims.

Not only that, but he escapes t...

What do you call a short psychic on a crime spree?

A small medium at large.

I was defending myself after a crime spree by explaining that I had hypothermia and turned into a superconductor.

I couldn't resist.

What’s it called when a shrimp kills another shrimp?

A krilling spree

So, Mr Lincoln, what do you have to say about your drunken spree?

Well, four shots and seven beers ago...

Eight of the Supreme Court justices, except for Ginsburg, went out on a killing spree, executing everyone they came across.....

... they were Ruthless

Hey guys, why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 began a racially motivated crime spree on April 28th, 2000 in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, which left five individuals dead and one paralyzed.

The Two Drunkards

Two drunkards are from their usual drinking spree on their way home when they spot a mango fruit up the tree, they start tossing stones at the fruit to fell it, after what seems like a life time missing the target, one says to the other, ''Maybe it is not even ripe, let me scale up the tree and take...

What do you call it when many people drown in Berlin?

A killing Spree.

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A priest is trying to understand why people do bad things.

The priest decides to call a meeting with his 3 nuns to discuss people's motivations. Ultimately they realize that they don't know very much about this topic and that it is necessary to go out into the world and do some "bad" things. The priest instructs each nun to go out and do "bad" things and co...

What did the Nordic man do when he first logged onto Facebook?

He went on a liking spree.

2 Original depressed baker jokes

Did you hear about the depressed baker who threw himself into his own oven?
Colleagues said it was a final act of self-loafing.

Did you hear about the depressed baker who went on a killing spree?
Witnesses said he came out all buns glazing.

The police had a lineup of 10 suspects.

They would walk to one of them, and tell them to say a line, in hopes that something would prove that they were lying. Then, they would continue to the next suspect and repeat.

When they got to the guilty suspect, they told him to say: “I did not go on a mass crime spree and kill 300 innocent...

An elderly couple are having dinner at a restaurant ....

An elderly couple are having dinner at their favorite 4 star restaurant when a gorgeous blonde walks up says "Hey babY!" , plants a kiss on the mans cheek and walks away .

His wife looks over at him and says "Who was that ?"

The man calmly replies" oh her ? That's my mistress"
...

Did you hear about the guy at the gun store who got fired?

He went ballistic.

Did you hear about the apartment building that got blown up? There were roomers everywhere.

Bob: Do you know why my pool exploded?
Joe: Na.

Did you hear about the power plant employee that went on a shooting spree? People say he went melted down and went nu...

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A guy inherits a fortune...

A guy inherits a fortune and goes on a massive spending spree: Ferraris, yachts, private jets, the works.

He upgrades his wardrobe and goes to the most exclusive shops for bespoke outfits. When it comes time to get shoes, he wants something a little different.

The salesman shows him a ...

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A slight variation of an old joke

One day a man who had just gone through a very bitter divorce was walking on the beach. He notices something glittering in the sand and digs it out and holds it up. It appeared to be a gold, antique teapot. He rubbed it with his sleeve to brush the sand off and suddenly in a puff of smoke, a genie a...

A man passed a shop,where he saw a sign, "Magic Vulture for Sale"

Curious, the man walked into the shop and asked about the bird.

The salesman replied, "This vulture has special powers. Whenever you go shopping, bring it along, and the cashier will give you 90% off!"

"Really? How much does it cost?"

"A million dollars."

The man balked a...

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A farmer goes to the market to buy a Rooster...

He walks around the tables and see many fine roosters, but all above his budget. He finally see a man with a single cock at his booth. The price tag on the cage says "25$". The farmer asks the man why the rooster is 25 when he looks fine. The man tells the farmer, "This here rooster is Henry and he ...

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3 murders get caught and get 10 years solitary...

During their killing spree they spare the life of an old man. They have 24 hour lock down and the old man turns out to be a wizard and approaches them in prison and says I cant set you all free but i will give you whatever you love the most in your cell.

So the first guy says woman, So the gu...

The Horse, the Cow and the Pig.

There once was a barn with 3 best friends who happened to be a Horse, a Pig, and a Cow.

They are together listening to the radio through the window of the barn and the Horse hears am the guitar and he says “ hey I really love the guitar, you know what I’m gonna learn it”, so he goes off and l...

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