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Flees Jokes

What do you do when there's a deer next to you, a lion is chasing you, and a pony flees from you?

Exit the carousel and avoid further alcohol.

Mexican dude flees to the US without realizing that Trump's in office.

Mexican dude flees to the US without realizing that Trump's in office. Changes identity and calls himself Ted. Trump throws out all the Mexicans but Ted (who was previously Juan), just graffitis "Still Mexican. Still here." at random places around the country. The cops can't find him but they do kno...

BREAKING: Robber steals $1m from local bank, French kisses teller, flees.

He made out like a bandit, sources say.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three flees who are living in a woman's body

are talking to each other. The first one, who lives in the ear, says: "Well, my life is very easy: my house gets brushed every weak. It's hygienic, and I'm satisfied".
The second one lives in the belly button. He says: "My house is also beautiful. It gets cleaned even every day, and I love it to...

What is it called when a ninja flees the scene of an accident?

Hidden Run.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The screw and the bellybutton

So a guy I work with told us this joke on the plane, went on for full 30' which made it even funnier smh, this is a short version:

A boy is born and is perfectly normal, arms legs ears and stuff, except a tiny detail: He had a screw on his bellybutton. Parents send him to all doctors imagina...

A man is in peril, he’s just robbed a cheese shop...

And the police are closing in. From his pockets, he dumps all the Gruyere, all of the Cotswald, all of the Petit Basque. As he flees, chunks of Manchego and Ossau Iraty fly from his pockets... he flings the Roquefort, but it breaks up in his pocket and is sticky... he can’t get it out. He is stuck, ...

the bear and his list

It's rumored in the forest, that the bear has a deathlist with the names of all animals he's going to kill. All of the animals are worried about that rumor.

The deer decides first to go to the bear's cave and ask him out about his list.
Deer: "Is it true, that you have a deathlist?"
...

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For the last time, NO! NO! NOOOO!

So, there's this man. He's young, healthy, reasonably attractive, good job, etc.

Only problem is, he has a 25 inch penis. This might might sound great if you're a 12 year old, but it soon becomes the bane of his existence. Every time he meets a nice lady, eventually things lead to the bedroom...

The police chief is interviewing applicants for a detective job.

The chief says to the three applicants "Alright, one of the most important things for a detective is to have good observational skills, so I'm going to give you all a little test. You'll each get a photo to examine for just five seconds, then you have to tell me what you notice about the subject's a...

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A tired man decides he needs to get away from it all

He quits his job, packs up his belongings, and flees to a remote region of Siberia.

After days of hiking through the cold, he stumbles upon a small tribe entirely comprised of men.

“A visitor has found our humble community!” the tribe’s leader announces. “Come, join us brother!” The wh...

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While Jesus was on the stake, he calls out to Peter....

"Peter, come. Come."

So Peter says "Yes, My Lord." He goes to approach Jesus but the guards stop him, and they cut off his arm. So Peter runs away.

Later, he comes back and he hears Jesus.

"Peter, come. Come."

So Peter says "Yes, My Lord." He goes to approach Jesus but ...

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Hannibal Lecter escapes his prison, and begins a cannibalistic killing spree.

Bodies turn up all over the city, mutilated and butchered like livestock. The livers are missing from the bodies, as is muscle from the shoulders, legs and back, the tongues, a variety of human flesh all carved out and eaten by Lecter after killing his victims.

Not only that, but he escapes t...

Three friends go camping in a haunted forest

Late at night, the ghost that haunts the place goes to the first guy and says; "I'm the ghost with one green eye." Naturally the first guy flees. Then, the ghost goes to the second guy and says: "I'm the ghost with one green eye". Second guy flees. And lastly the ghost goes to the third guy and says...

Older lady in the bus snaps at a guy with a dog...

Please get that thing away from me. I can feel flees on my legs.
Dog owner to dog: Rex move away, the lady has flees

Big Artie

There once was a Hitman named Big Artie.

Things were tough in the Underworld at thew time, what with the Financial Crisis lately and such, the market hasn't been kind to his business. Because of this, he decides that he needs to put down the prices - It's been months since he'd had a job and ...

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The Silent Debate

Note: This is a joke best told in person by somebody who's not afraid to go all out with gesticulations and accents.

The silent debate was a yearly event that was the Super Bowl of the intellectual world. It was watched live by tens of thousands, and broadcast on countless major networks. Fo...

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