Escaping Jokes - 23 Hilarious Escaping Jokes

Two caterpillars are escaping a spider. They climb up a branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped…

"Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar and he quickly chews through the branch.

It snaps and they begin to fall, but he grabs two protruding twigs and uses them to steer the branch through the air with grace and finesse.

"That's *amazing!!"* says the second caterpillar. "How in th...

An Afghan escaping from Taliban walks in through the Pakistani border...

He is immediately stopped by Pakistani border patrol agents and asked to identify himself. He stops and says he's the Minister of Ports & Shipping of Afghanistan.

Paxtani border officer: "But there is no sea in Afghanistan. How can you be the Minister of Ports & Shipping?"

Afg...

I call my cat that keeps escaping “Rasputin”

He was a cat that really was gone.

Escaping the Fire

A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in.

The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!"

The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen y...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are escaping prison

After somehow dodging the security guards, they make it out of the prison. However, they are on an island and still have to swim 10 miles to be free.

They all swim away, but after 1 mile the brunette gets exhausted and turns back, saying she can't make it the whole way.

2 miles later ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dog disgraced himself by escaping and bringing home next doors rabbit.

It was very dead and covered in dirt but I couldn't see any wound so I thought I might just be able to get away without confessing. So I quickly washed and blow dried the deceased bunny, snuck round the fence and popped bun back in its hutch, all snuggled up looking in its straw so it looked just l...

What has 125 teeth and prevents a savage beast from escaping?

My zipper.

Two guys are escaping from the crazy house

They get on the roof and begin making their way across. Then they reach the end of the building, but there's another building 3 feet away. The first guy jumps across, but the other guy is scared to make the jump. The first guy says "I've got an idea! I've got a flashlight, I'll just shine the beam a...

A prison guard is trying to catch someone escaping

The prisoner was a little person who climbed the fence and as he was going down the other side he laughed at the guard. The guard watched in disbelief thinking, "Now that is a little con-decending."

3 crazy people tried escaping an insane asylum

While running the first one said "if there is a tall fence well dig under it"
The second one said "if there is a short fence well jump over it"
The third one ran forword and said "guys we are screwed there is no fence"

A group of professors were called and sat on a plane

When the doors closed and the plane was about to take off, all the professors were informed that the plane was made by their students. Then all the professors rushed towards the plane doors, trying to escape with the exception of one professor who remained seated with so much confidence and calmness...

What do you call a dwarf escaping prison down a rope?

A little condescending

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Escaping Iraq war

A soldier ran up to a nun; out of breath, he asked. “Please let me hide under your skirt. I will explain later!!” The nun agreed.

Minutes later couple of military police officers ran up and asked “Sister, did you see a soldier running?” The nun replied “he went that way..”

After the m...

A kangaroo keeps escaping his enclosure at the zoo.

In an effort to keep him inside at night, the zookeepers construct a 10-foot fence around his habitat. The next morning, they find the kangaroo wandering around the zoo. The zookeepers construct a 20-foot fence to keep the kangaroo from escaping, but the next day he is loose once again. The zookeepe...

Two insane patients escaping from medical facility...

They found the way during the night to reach the roof and jump the gap to building next door. The first guy jumped over, but second guy was afraid of heights and froze. The first guy tried to reassure him "look, I'll glow this flashlight and you can easily walk over the beam"

The other guy re...

I saw a dwarf escaping from jail down the side of a wall

As he passed by, he sneered at me, and I thought, "That's a little condescending."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is obsessed with trains.

A man is obsessed with trains, so he finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people...

At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and is sentenced to death.

Before he is executed, he is offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which...

Two psychic ward patients are escaping the facility...

They get to a point where they have to cross a gap between two buildings. The first guy has no problem, jumps the gap, but the second guy is scared of heights and refuses to jump.

So the first prisoner thinks for a bit, and proposes a solution:

"How about this, I'll shine my flashlight...

Two prisoners were escaping down a ladder...

Two prisoners were escaping down a ladder. While the seasoned prisoner at the top watched for guards, the new prisoner went down the ladder first and slowly. Once the ladder was clear, the seasoned prisoner slid down in just three seconds, then he scolded the new prisoner for being so slow. The new ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got home from work last night and walked into the bedroom just in time to catch my wife's secret lover escaping out of the window.

After slapping the cheating bitch around a bit, I ran out of the house to catch the guy..

"He went that way." Informed my mate, pointing toward next door's garden.

"Cheers Dave." I said, as I scaled the fence in pursuit. "And get some fucking clothes on, you'll catch your death."

Police are asking for help in solving a recent string of burglaries. The perpetrator, apparently suffering from IBS, does #2 on the kitchen floor before escaping.

So far they have no firm leads.

What did the criminal chemist say as he was escaping from a police officer?

Cu later Copper!

Michael Jordan tried escaping his nickname in Germany...

but they still called him Herr Jordan.

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