A man has been ill for some time. Fearing that his end is near, he calls his wife to his bedside.
"I have a last wish," he says to her. "Promise me that 2 months after I die, you'll marry our neighbor, Ken."
The wife is perplexed. "But, my dear, I thought you hated Ken," she asks him.
"I do," says the man.
A man gets sick and, fearing he might have Covid, goes to get tested
When the results of his test come back he gets called in and the person asks him, “first, are you a Democrat or Republican?”
The man says, “what? What does that have to do with anything?”
“Well, if you’re a Democrat you’ve got Covid. But if you’re a Republican it’s just a hoax.”
When Andrew Waugh was surveying Mt Everest in 1856 he came up with a height of exactly 29,000 ft. Fearing people would think that was just an imprecise estimation he reported it as 29,002 ft.
Because of this, some say he was the first to place two feet on the summit of Everest.
I went to the doctor fearing I might be losing my hearing.
Good news! The doctor didn't have anything bad to say.
He didn't have anything good to say either.
Come to think of it, he didn't have anything to say at all.
The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.
“We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.”
“Well, tell me!” the man said.
The policeman said: “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?”
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wi...
Old habits are hard to break.
A woman gynecologist decides she wants to become a mechanic. She enrolls in a technical college and becomes an A student.
Before she can graduate she must pass the final exam, which is dismantling a car engine & rebuilding correctly. When she receives the results of her exam she sees the ...
Gynecologist Career Change
A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and paperwork so he decided to give up practicing medicine.
Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classe...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
An old Justin Wilson joke
An old, crotchety farmer woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. The man clutched his chest and fumbled for the telephone to call an ambulance, fearing that he was having a heart attack.
Upon arriving at the hospital, the man, stable but still in quite a bit of pain, was greeted ...
Grandpa picked up a spoon and looked at it oddly.
Grandpa picked up a spoon and looked at it oddly, fearing it was a sign of Alzheimer's disease I asked him what he was holding in his hand. He snapped back "Of course I know it's a spoon, but who is that old guy in the reflection? "
A fisherman’s joke
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Claddaghduff, an Irish man answered his door to find a grim-faced Constable & one waiting in the front yard. "We're sorry, Mr. O’ Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen" said one of the officers.