How many Ferguson protesters does it take to change a light bulb?

None; they can't change anything.

Mr.Ferguson always takes the A200 to go to work,

One day, Ms,Ferguson hears on the radio.
« Attention to all listeners on the road today, a car on the A200 is reportedly driving backwards »

Ms.Ferguson, worried, calls Mr.Feguson and says « Honey, I heard on the radio that a car is driving backwards on the A200, be careful »

« It’s...

I was in Ferguson last night and got jumped by 5 black guys!

The car started right up, they just said it just needs a new battery. What nice gentlemen i thought to myself.

Ferguson joke. Too soon?

Black guy walks into a bar in Ferguson. Says to the bartender, "Give me a Michael Brown." Bartender says "Ok. Put up your hands." the gave him six shots.

Why are they rioting in Ferguson?

Because they carefully and objectively reviewed the evidence from the trial and thought a legitimate injustice had been done.

Ferguson Protestors looted a Payless Shoe store last night...

Cleaned the place out, nothing left but work boots...

There once was a man called John O’Malley. When John was young he loved tractors.

He had posters of tractors on his wall, loads of toy tractors, he even named his dog “Tractor”!

One day, while John was driving his favorite tractor, a Massey Ferguson 5710SL, the vehicle caught on fire. Luckily John escaped but not without injury, the tractor had blown up and some shrapnel h...

I went to ferguson and all I got was this stupid T-Shirt

And this cash register, and this Xbox, and this flat screen tv.

First Thatcher dies, then Ferguson retires...

Somewhere there is a scouser with a lamp and one wish left.

/english humour

What's the only thing that grows in Ferguson?

The crime rate.

My coffee reminded me of Ferguson today

Dark and full of shots.

Ferguson jokes...

Are always a riot.

There was once a little boy

For his 2nd birthday he was given a little tractor with pedals. He loved it so much that it started an obsession with tractors.

By his fourth birthday, he already had 30 tractors of different sizes and colours.

As soon as he learnt how to read, he started filling his shelves in his bed...

New drinking game! Draw a card. If it's black take a shot.

I call it the Ferguson

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A danish artist painted pictures of naked women with his penis.

An interested buyer visits his gallery and asks:
"how can u paint those gentle round curves with your penis"
"It wasn't too hard"

got that from the late late show with craig ferguson.

How do you take your coffee?

**Barista:** How do you take your coffee?

**Customer:** Ferguson Police

**Barista:** Huh?

**Customer:** Black, two shots.

DRINKING BUDDIES

Two men are sitting next to each other in an Irish-style pub in New York City and both order pints of Guinness. One of them turns to the other and asks, "So where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland."
"Me too! I'll drink to that."
They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where in I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought my wife a pair of shoes and a dildo.

If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.

(Shamelessly stolen from Craig Ferguson)

Finding a striker

Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson sends scouts out around the world looking for a new talent to hopefully win the title. One of his scouts informs him of a young Afghani striker who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar. So Ferguson flies to Afghanistan to watch him and is suitably im...

What is black, white, and red all over?

The Ferguson riots

People are mad because MTV doesn't show music videos. What about Fox News?

They haven't shown a fox in months.

(Craig Ferguson)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got my wife her Christmas present

For Christmas I got her a pair of shoes. If she doesn't like the vibrator she can go take a hike.

No, that's not it...

If she doesn't like the shoes she can go fuck herself.

(Heard it on Craig Ferguson's stand-up special)

Wayne Rooney walks into a shop

He sees a shiny silver thermos flask that he has never seen before, so he finds a shop assistant and asks him, "what is this used for?" the shop assistant replies, "it is used to keep hot things hot and cold things cold". Wayne Rooney buys it and takes it to training the next day. Alex Ferguson sees...

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