Hard crowd tonight ey

Maybe I should put my clothes back on

Roman numerals, ey...

What are they good IV?

Two Rastafarians go to the river in Egypt and one of them gets in and says "Ey, mon, me not get wet"; his friend replies

"Ya right, mon, you in denial"

The man once renowned, now…

Salomon Elliot is a notorious man from the familia, and ain’t no one ever cross the man. His name shakes fear into his foes and demands respect from his henchmen, wide across the Hudson and down even to the beaches of Miami.

After years of blood on his hands and the helpless cries of this fa...

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The worst joke in the world

WW3 breaks out and the President authorizes use of the most powerful weapon ever made, a joke so bad it causes instant death to the listener. The problem is, it was said to be developed in revolutionary times by British expats and nobody could remember where it has been stashed away.

To find...

One pirate says to the other, "Ey, you want some grog?"

And the other says, "I made tea!"

Ey gurl, are you a TSA agent?

Because I've got an unattended package I think you should investigate.

Now the devil said "here's where you'll dwell,"

"so get used to the sulfer-ey smell."
"You may think it's too hot,"
"but you earned what you got,"
 to one Tony Scalia, in hell.

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There’s a diminutive, mousy-looking elderly man in a pub, quietly staring into his glass.

He has sad, sad eyes and a generally upset demeanor.

The door of the pub is slammed open and a lorry driver charges in. He roars up to the bar counter, orders four pints of the strongest beer the bartender has, and drops heavily down upon one of the bar stools.

As he drains his beers, ...

What kind of drink would Harry Potter order at a bar?

Something Gin-ey

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An Old Jamaican man lived alone in the country...

He wanted to dig his Yellow Yam and Sweet Potato Garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty badly because it...

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A male stripper goes into a restaurant. He sees a beautiful young nun and decides he wants to do the dirty on her.

So he decides to propose to her directly.
"Ey girl how you doin? What do you think about leaving that chastity aside and come with me for a good time?"
The nun angrily answers, "I am a woman of no man, only God! To hell with you, sinner!"
The man goes to a table, defeated, but then his wait...

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A man had 3 girlfriends and couldn't decide which of them to marry.

He resolved to test each one to see which would make a better wife.
He withdrew $15,000 from his bank and gave each $5,000 and told them to spend it how they like.

The first one went shopping for clothes, jewelry, the salon, etc. She returned and told the man, "I spent all of your money ...

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Little Miss Muffett

Little Miss Muffett sat on her tuffet

Eating her curds and whey

Along came a spider who sat down beside her

And said, " 'Ey, what's in the bowl, bitch?"


-Andrew Dice Clay

What do Canadian horses eat?

Ey

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A tribute to the holiday season

Up until a few years ago, I would frequent a local chess club for shits and giggles. I wasn't very good at chess, but most of the people there were very into the game, knew all of the big names, went to a lot of big events, and some of them even got prize money from time to time.

Shortly befo...

What kind of beer does a Canadian drink while urinating?

An I pee ey!

Gold and Silver walk into a bar...

The bartender says, "Ey you, get outta here!"

So Gold left.

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Western

A cowboy stops in a small town,in the wild wild west at a bar. He lets his horse outside to eat and drink..he goes inside the bar, orders a whisky...he barely takes a sip when he hears
"Ey...hey...ey look out for your horse.."
He rushes out...his horse eating some grass..no one near it..
Go...

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A man walks into a bar in Manchester

He orders a drink and sits down on a barstool. He notices a large, clear, plastic box on a shelf behind the bar with £20 notes stuffed into it.

He asks the barmaid “Ey love, what’s that box there for?”. She replies “Ah, that’s the 3 part pub challenge!”

Intrigued, the man asks her to ...

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An Italian guy goes up to his neighbor and says,

"Ey, Tony, you like-a woman with-a big, sloppy tits, that droop-a down this-a far?"

Tony says, "No."

He says, "You like-a woman with-a big huge ass like a dump truck?"

Tony says, "Hell no."

He says, "You like-a woman with-a big, thick-a moustache and she's a smell like ga...

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Curing Prostate Cancer

Wiremu, a New Zealander, was on the dole in Australia but about to fly home to watch the Rugby World Cup and was not feeling well, so he decided to see a doctor.

"Hey doc, I dun't feel so good, ey!" said Wiremu.

The doctor gave him a thorough examination and informed Wiremu that he h...

How did one gold atom greet the other gold atom?

'ey you.

How do Jamaican's end their prayers?

Ey mon.

A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe.

The giraffe gets drunk and falls over. The man goes to leave and the bartender says, "ey, you can't just leave that lyin' there!” and the man says, "it's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

Mario & Luigi

Mario :- Ey Luigi , whats this funny ol' image called.
Luigi:- It a Meme , Mario

What do you call a chess blunder where you lose your castle?

A Rook-ey mistake.

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A 2nd grade teacher tells the class to say a sentence using the words "Liver" and "Cheese" in the same sentence....

...So the teacher picks a white kid to go first, he says: "My mom made me a Liver and Cheese sandwich, it was really good!".

Then the teacher picks a black kid to go second, he says: "My mom bought the wrong kind of Cheese, so my dad punched her in the Liver!".

Finally, the teacher pic...

So there were two men and a dog...

Andy had just gotten off of work and was about to get on the subway. He sees a man and a dog right next to him. He wanted to pet the dog because he felt so depressed from work.

"Does your dog bite?" asked the man.

"Ey, mate. My dog is the nicest dog of 'em all, wouldn't...

Plane Crash

A plane full of people is dropping below altitude, the pilot shouts over the tanoy "were losing speed rapidly we've dropped all the luggage but its not working, were at 100 feet and need volunteers to jump out into the sea below"

Nobody puts their hands up so he says "we'll do this as fairly ...

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Best friends wife.

Two midle aged men who were the best of frinds since several years are talking over a beer. Suddenly one of them says in a thoughtful voice: "If I have sex with your wife, does that men we become related?" The other one looks at him with wide eys and says: "Nooo, but we become even..."

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