UPJOKE
canadawisconsinenglish languagecanadian englishheyinterjectionmichiganunited statesquestionquestion taghellodutch languageokayhokkien chinesefrench language

Eh Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

'Earth' without 'Art' is just 'Eh'.

Just like 'The United States of America' without 'heunedtatesam' is just ' of Erica'.

How do you spell Canada, eh?

C, eh?

N, eh?

D, eh?

Pork, eh?

A Canadian guy walked into the kitchen and saw his Mexican roommate having dinner, so he said to him, "pork, eh?" And the the roommate said, "porque me gusta."

You destroyed my garden? Eh, no worries.

I don’t carrot all.

Put your foot in it eh?

I came home from work to a note from the wife saying;
"I've left you because you are stupid and bigoted".

I'm not stupid, I'm dyslexic and its not my fault I've got big toes!

If you say AT&T backwards

You sound like a Canadian Bomb Technician.

I'm from Canada, Eh.

As opposed to what, Canada B?

Canadian joke eh!

Why did the Northwest Territories split?

They were halving Nunavut.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old holocaust survivor dies and goes up to heaven....

He asks God,
"How do you get a girl's number in Auschwitz? Roll up her sleeve."
God doesn't laugh.
The Jew shrugs and says, "Eh. I guess you had to be there to understand".

Eh, the audio book was good.

But it wasn't really a page turner.

Why doesn't Jesus play hockey, eh?

He's too hung up on lacrosse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old holocaust survivor dies and gets into heaven

He seeks out God and asks him: "Hey God, I've heard this really funny joke on earth. Do you want to hear it?"

God smiles serenly and answers: "Yes, my son, please tell it to me."

The jew grins and says: "How do you get the number of a girl in Auschwitz? You look on her arm!"

God...

How Canada got it's name, eh

Three men were hiking in the wilds north of America, in the country that is now known as Canada.

They gradually realize that they are exploring undiscovered territory.

Man 1 looks at his buddies, clearly excited.

“I think we discovered a new land, eh!” He says enthusiastically.<...

A Canadian man loses his wife.

He goes to the stonemason and asks for a tombstone that says "rest in peace." A couple days before the funeral, he comes to check on the stone and sees that it says "Rest in Piece."

"Sorry," he says to the mason, "but I meant 'peace', with an 'a'."

On the eve of the funeral, the maso...

How did Canada get it's name?

They put all the letters of the alphabet in a hat and pulled them out one at a time...

"C, eh. N, eh. D, eh."

What would Bruce Forsyth think of all this coronavirus lockdown eh?

Nice 2 metre 2 metre nice.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Limericks eh?

There once was a student named Clouse

Who proclaimed to the boys of his house

I will take a firm stand

That a in the hand

Is much better than two in the blouse

Dipping your beaks into different coloured paints, eh?

Well, toucans play at that game.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Limericks eh ?

There was this girl from Boston, Mass.
She wade into the sea and wet her ankles,
it doesn't rhyme now,
but just wait until the tide comes in

A genie eh....

Walking through the Sahara a man stumbles upon a peculiar lamp. The man immediately assumes this lamp is magical and begins to rub, and to his surprise it worked and a genie appeared.

To the mans delight he immediately asks how many wishes he gets and to this the genie replied "you will rec...

Have you heard my joke about the Ebola outbreak yet?

Eh... Nevermind. You probably won't get it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there's a farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the music, and the horse says "you know what? I'm gonna learn how to do that."

So the horse calls up Guitar Center, and...

In Canada, they use “B.C.E.” instead of “B.C”

It stands for Before Christ, Eh?

Two Canadian body builders were working out at the gym.

After they were done, they sat together in the locker room.

One turned to the other and said, "I'm sore, eh?"

The other said, "What for?"

I asked my Mexican friend if he will be upset if Trump manages to build the wall.

He said, “ Eh. I’ll get over it.”

(Me mate just passed and this was his favourite joke) A man walks up to a stranger and says, "Would ye like to hear a joke"? The stranger replies: Eh, aye. Why not?

The man then says "me life" and starts sobbing and wailing

The Stranger replies: Come now, your life can not be that bad. It's nothing to cry over, surely.

The man says back, "I'm not crying, I'm laughing. See? Hahaha" and the man starts fake laughing and sobbing at the same time. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Based on a true story): My 6 year old son walked into the family room while I was watching a movie. He points at me and proclaims "You licked a puss!"...

I muted the TV and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "I'm sorry? What did you say?"

He pointed again and proclaimed "YOU LICKED A PUSS!"

My mind stared racing... "Did we leave the door opened on date night last Saturday?" I then looked behind me and saw a candle burning.

"Son...

An 80 year old man finds a talking frog

An 80 year old man is out by a pond one day when a frog jumps onto a lily pad nearby.

“Excuse me sir,” says the frog, “I know I may appear to be just a frog, but I’m actually a beautiful princess. A witch has placed a curse on me to keep me in this form. The only thing that can break this cu...

How does a Canadian spell Canada?

C-eh?-N-eh?-D-eh?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is it called when you're only attracted to Canadians?

Eh?

How many self-conscious people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Eh... I'd much prefer to screw in the dark, thanks.

I can always tell if someone is Canadian.

I’ve got eh-dar

The lion decided to invite everyone to his birthday party. But, him being the king, he ordered everybody to bring him meat as a present, or else he will hit them with his massive dong. And soon, the day came and all the animals lined up infront of the lion's cave with their presents.

The Wolf wanted to gift the King lamb, the fox had a chicken, the leopard an antilope, and so on...The lion greeted all of his guests and welcomed them to the party. Suddenly, the rabbit stood infront of him with a carrot. All guests went silent. The lion looked him in the eyes and said: " You know...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cowboy walks into the bar, only to find it's empty.

Only the bartended, polishing a glass, is behind the bar.

"Where's everyone at?" Asks the cowpoke.

"At the hangin'." Bartender says.

"Hangin'?!" The cowboy asks. "Hadn't heard. Who are they stringing up?"

"The Brown Paper Kid."

"The Brown Paper Kid?"

"That...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman home alone, answers a knock on the door to a man who just stood there and asked, "Do you have a ?"

She slams the door in disgust and tells her husband that night when he got home from work.

The next morning she answers a knock on the door. Its the same man and he asks the same question. "Do you have a ?"

Once again she slams the door.

She immediately gets on the phone...

A young man finds the perfect girl from his small village for marriage

He asks his father for his blessings, but the father tells him that he was screwing around in his youth, and that the girl he wants to marry is in fact his sister.

The young man devastated but still wanting to get married suggests his next door neighbor's daughter. The father tells him with ...

A guy walks into a bar.

There are three signs behind the bar.

One says “cheese sandwich - $5”.

The second says “chicken sandwich - $10”.

The third says “hand jobs - $25”.

The guy calls the bartender over and asks if she’s the one who gives the hand jobs. She says “yes”.

The guy throw...
8 jokes are hidden here because they may not be suitable for all ages.
show them anyway

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.