Imagine if we started replacing 'i' with 'li'

It would be lit.

"Chun Li, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Where's Beth's dog?"

"Dare."

What did x æ a-12 got when he was given a lithium iron battery, to reboot himself?

Li-Fe

People never seem to remember Jet Li's weaker, pacifist brother...

Gent Li.

I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman Numerals

IM LIVID

Ryu wanted to confess to his lady-crush Chun Li....

So he baked some white fudge treacle tarts and put them down on a table. Ken walked up and was like, "ooh, these tarts smell delicious" and he started to pick one up, when Ryu grabbed the whole plate and did a jumping-spinning kick at Ken while yelling "THESE TARTS AREN'T FOR YOU KEN!"

I almost got fired at the cement plant today...

But corporate realized that they didn't have concrete evidence to fire me.

1 in every 5 people is Chinese

I know that I'm not Chinese, and my parents aren't Chinese.

So it's either my brother Li Xiu Ying, or my brother Kyle.

I think it's Kyle.

A man had just accepted his new job as a door-to-door Bible salesman

and was introducing himself to his new co-workers.

It quickly became clear that the man had a severe stutter and the other workers began to make fun of him for it. But by the end of the week when the man had sold over 1,000 Bibles, the other workers were very impressed and stopped making fun ...

Have you heard about that new Native American rapper?

He calls himself Li’l Bighorn.

Teacher : Who's your favourite Actor?

Me: Arnold Schwarzenegger
Teacher: Spell it?!
Me: only joking its Jet Li

What do you call an Asian that is born early?

Suden li

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A young man meets with a Kung Fu Master...

"People say you are the greatest Kung Fu Master in the world. Please, teach me Kung Fu."



The Kung Fu Master, quite frankly, was too lazy to take on an apprentice, but he had a reputation to keep. So, he said:



"I will teach you Kung Fu, but I do not take on pupils now. C...

What's an uneducated person's least favorite fruit?

The Li-berry

What do you call a Chinese guy who has difficulty standing?

Li-Ning

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there was this horny chicken who loved to fuck!

His owner was so sick of him, he finally sold him to a poultry farm.

Within a day of arriving he fucked each and every hen available there..

The new owner was shocked by the sight of it.

Next day he found the horny chicken has fucked each and every pig available at the farm!...

A man enters in a bar and the bartender asks him:<<Good Morn.. morn.. morning... What would.. you.. you.. like.. to.. to.. drink..?

And the man:<<Yeah... I would li.. li.. like a co.. co.. coffee, please.>>
After a while, another man comes in and recognize the first man and starts talking to him:<<Yo, dude how's going? What are you doing here?>> And the first man:<<Nothing important. Just chillin...

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Congrats to the Patriots on their 7th ring,

Super Bowls XXXVI (2001), XXXVIII (2003), XXXIX (2004), XLIX (2014), LI (2016), LIII (2018), Prostitution Ring (2019)!

I partied with lithium tantalum fluoride

it was LiTaF

Did you hear what happened to Lithium?

He was arrested for battery charges. Some say he's bi-polar.

Street Performance

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Sí."<...

This was the most Superbowlly Super Bowl ever

*Super Bowl LI

What city has many apples?

Many-apple-lis

(Minneapolis)

Bob Had Terrible BO...

And no matter how much he washed or scrubbed, he couldn't get rid of it. He tried hundreds of soaps and shampoos but nothing seemed to work. He showered five times a day, kept the AC on 24/7 and avoided garlic and beans like the plague, but alas people still gagged as they walked behind him.

...

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A man went to see a doctor about his stutter...

"Y-you gotta he-help me doc, I c-c-can't live li-like this an-any more!"

The doctor says, "not to worry, we'll do a full body examination and get to the bottom of this."

After the examination, he tells the man, "I've found the cause of the problem. You see, your penis is so large that ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God creating spiders

God: give them 8 legs

Servant: umm a little weird but ok

God: and give them 8 eyes

Servant: You need to calm down a li-

God: GIVE IT A BUTT ROPE!

What does a dalek do in the shower

*ex-fo-li-ate*

A Chinese spy wearing a tuxedo walks into a Russian bar.

He says to the bartender, “The name is Wong. Li Wong. I’ll have a martini. Shaken, not stirred.”

“Gin or vodka?” Asks the bartender.

“Surprise me.” Replies Li.

The bartender makes the martini, gives it to Li and says, “If you can guess the name of the alcohol, it’s on th...

What's a sheep's favourite holiday destination?

It's not the Baa-hamas... Its not Baa-li... Its not Baa-arbados...

It's Devon

How much do you charge a british centurian for a drink?

LI quid

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A woman goes to the doctor... [NSFW]

A woman goes to the doctor and says "By Hubbanb li nadal deck."
The doctor is baffled and says, "I'm sorry, I can't understand you at all."
The patient takes a deep breath and tries to speak a bit more clearly: "My hubband like nadal decks."
The doctor realises what she is trying to say. "Y...

Why did the lead acid battery have to tell the truth?

Because if it didn't it would be Li-ion.

What did Snoop Dogg change his name to when he got into R/C racing?

Snoop *Li-ion*.

Little Red Riding Hood is hopping along merrily in the woods...

... when she sees the big bad wolf crouching behind a bush. She says "My, Mr Wolf, what big ears you have!"

The big bad wolf gets up and runs away.

A few minutes later, it's the big, bad wolf again, crouched behind a different bush. "My, Mr wolf, what big eyes you have!"

The ...

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Wisdom of the Buddha

So a man is looking for enlightenment and he reads and studies and learns all he can but he hits a wall. He just can't seem to learn any more so he decides to go to tibet to speak to one of the masters there. He climbs a mighty mountain and sees the master meditating on top, like you see in movies a...

Why can't you trust a Lithium Ion battery?

Because they're always Li-ion!

A man was going for a holiday to Acapulco, Mexico...

But since he does not speak any Spanish, he is a bit worried if he will be alright.

He talks to an old friend about his worries and the friend tells him "Don't worry! Spanish is not so hard to speak. Many words are similar to english, so if you just speak slowly enough, I'm sure they will und...

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