A pirate with a peg leg, eye patch, and a hook hand walks into a bar and sits down beside a curious patron

They begin a conversation and the patron asks

"How did you get the peg leg?"

Pirate says "several years ago me first mate led a mutiny against me! Me whole crew threw me overboard and a shark came and tore me leg right off. Several hours later I got lucky and found a passing vessel to ...

A pirate at sea has a peg leg, a hook for a hand and an eye patch.

One of his companions ask how he lost his leg. He answers, "A cannonball." Then his companion asks how he lost his hand. He answers, "A sword." When the companion asks how he lost his eye, the man says, "A spray of the sea."

It was his first day with the hook.

I hate to do it but I've got to complain about the guy with the eye patch who sits opposite me at work

He keeps winking at me and it's just not appropriate.

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An old salt walks into a harbor bar and sees a man he thinks he knows with a hook hand, a peg leg and an eye patch.

He says,"Ahoy, aren't you Cap'n Jones?", The old sea dog says,"Aye, Cap'n Jones I am." The tar says "I sailed with ye years ago. But last time I saw ye, ye were a whole man. What happened to your leg?" Jones answers "Lost it inna battle, cannonball took it off at the knee." "Surely bad, and how abo...

A lot of people with one eye patch were pirates, but why were people with two eye patches never pirates?

Because they can't sea.

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A pirate with an eye patch, a peg leg, and a hook walks into a bar.

The bartender notices him, and decides to ask about his injuries.

"So..." he starts off, "How'd you get that peg leg?"

"A shark bit off me leg."

"And the hook?"

"An enemy pirate cut off me hand."

The bartender gasps, fascinated by the pirate's stories.

"Wha...

If someone with a parrot and an eye patch carjacks me...

can I call him “a pirate of the car I be in?”

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A pirate walks into a bar, with a wooden leg, a hook on his arm and an eye patch...

The Bartender looks at him and says " My god man, what happened to you?"

The pirate replies, " Well I'm a pirate. One day I did something wrong and they made me walk the plank. Before I could get out, a shark bit my leg off. Now I have to have a wooden leg."

Bartender asks, "what about...

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Once, I met a pirate with a peg leg, a hook hand, and an eye patch

I asked him "What happened to your leg?"

"Arr," he responded, "One day I was in a battle at sea and a cannon ball blew my leg right off. I cut the throat of the man who fired the shot though."

"That sounds awful. What happened to your hand?"

"Arr, one day at sea I was knocked of...

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A grizzled old sea captain walks into a bar. He has a peg leg, an eye patch, and a hook hand.

The captain sits down and orders a drink. The bartender serves it, and asks the captain a question.

-If you don't mind, how did you get that peg leg?

-I were chasing the white whale, laddy! Dangerous business!

-Well, how did you get the hook hand?

-Yar, had me a swashbuck...

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I saw a pirate at the bar, he had a claw for a hand, a peg leg, and an eye patch on.

I saw a pirate at the bar, he had a claw for a hand, a peg leg and an eye patch on.

I asked what misfortune caused the loss of his leg. “A shark bit me leg clean off”

Curiosity piqued, I asked about his hand. “This beheaded fish still had the gall to bite down mighty fierce”

Las...

I’m missing my eye patch.

Please keep an eye out for it.

What do you call a kid with no arms, no legs and an eye patch?

Names

An old pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand and an eye patch walks into a bar

The bartender says:

”Whoa, that’s quite a get up you got there! Tell me how you got that peg leg.”

The pirate explains:

”Yarr! Ah lost me leg in a mighty battle with the toyal navy!”

The bartender asks:

”Wow, how about the hand?”

Pirate:

”’twas me old...

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It's a pirate recruit's first day on his new ship (long)

As he's familiarizing himself with the crew, he notices an old man with a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. Intrigued by all of these injuries, he walks up to the man.

"It looks like you've seen quite a bit of action," he says to the old man, "I'd be interested to hear your story."

"...

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A sailor walks into a bar

The barkeep asks, "How did you end up with that peg leg?"

And the pirate replies, "A cannon ball blasted out the deck and took me leg with it."

"Why do you have that hook?"

"Arrrgh! We was looting a ship and lost me hand in a sword fight."

"And the eye patch?"

"I l...

A man decides to quit his job and run away to join a pirate crew.

After spending a few hours at the dock, he sees a man who has a peg leg, a hook hand, and an eye patch; the man is obviously a pirate captain. The man promptly joins the captains crew and they ship out to sea that very day.

Later that night, the man walks up to the captain and says “I’m ...

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A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said

'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.'

'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.'

Bartender: What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.

Pirate: Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now.<...

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Unfortunate pirate

Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?”

Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”

“And yer han...

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A young boy ran away to the docks and joined a pirate ship to begin his new life as a cabin boy.

He met the captain, which had a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye patch. The captain, glad to have another crew member on board immediately put the new cabin boy to work, mostly doing dishes and cleaning and such.

The young boy worked for a month without a single complaint, but the capta...

A man in his late twenties was in a car accident... (Long)

The windshield shattered and a piece flew into his eye, blinding him and causing irreparable damage to the eyeball itself. As this man had substantial student loan debt, his doctor could only find one prosthetic eye in his price range and it happened to be made out of wood. To help him deal with thi...

Two Filipino kids go trick or treating on Halloween...

...At the first house they go up to, a lady answers the door.

She says, "oh how cute are you two? Let me guess what you are..."

To the first kid she says, "With your tiara and wand, you must be a princess?"

the first kid says, "Yes! I am a princess!"

The lady says to the ...

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A man sees a pirate sitting a few bar stools down from him...

... the pirate has a wooden leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye patch like a steroetypical pirate. The man is super curious but he simply nods hello and turns back to his beer. After another pint he summons the courage to turn and ask, "If you don't mind me asking, how did you get the wooden leg?"...

Salty Pete The Pirate

So, Salty Pete the pirate hobbles into the bar one night. I mean, he's so piratey. He's got a parrot on his shoulder, an eye patch, the peg leg and hook for a hand, and he for some reason has the helm of his ship stuck to his nether regions.

Anyway, he hobbles up to the bar and tosses down...

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A pirate walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says "Sure thing. Hey, I couldn't help but notice that you've got a pretty nasty hook for a hand there."

The pirate says "Aye, I lost it in a sword fight."

"Oh that's horrible! Well what about your peg-leg, what happened there?"

"Aye, me leg was blown off by a cann...

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In honor of Talk Like a Pirate Day

Here's my favorite pirate joke:

When I was 17, I went on a class trip to a beach but I snuck away to explore on my own. I went into this bar. It had nautical stuff on the wall, a bunch of shark jaws, but also streamers and balloons about the place. It looked like there was a party going on. ...

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I saw a pirate on the street the other day

"Oh my gosh, are you a pirate?"

"Aye, I be a pirate."

"Wow, cool! I see you have a peg leg. How did you come to need that?"

"It was during a mutiny. Me crew threw me overboard and a shark bit me leg off."

"Ouch. And your hook? How'd that happen?"

"During the mutiny...

A man sits down at a bar next to a pirate and starts asking him about his past injuries.

The first thing the man notices is the pirate’s peg leg. “How did you get that wooden leg,” he asks.

The pirate responds, “Oh, a cannonball took my leg off in a fight with a naval frigate.”

“Wow!” the man replies. “So how did you get that hook?” pointing to the pirate’s arm.

The...

A sailor met a pirate, and they started talking about their adventures at sea.

The sailor noticed that the pirate had a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. He asked, “so, how did you end up with the peg leg?”
The pirate replied, “we were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.”
“Wow!...

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Two men start talking at a high school reunion.

“It’s been a long time, what have you been up to?”

“I’m a business man now, I run a very successful company”

“Ah, I can see that by the briefcase and suit”

“What do you do?”

“Oh, arrr, I’m a pirate.”

“Ah, I see that by your peg leg, hook and eye patch. How did you ...

A woman with a glass eye

A woman with a glass eye was married to a man with a nasty disposition. The husband would punish her for having dinner late to the table or if the house cleaning wasn't spotless. His punishment was to take her glass eye and lock it in a password protected safe.


One day while the husban...

Pirate

A pirate walks in a tavern, and sits by the bar.

Barman asks:

\-So, where you got this prothesis leg?

Pirate anserws:

\-It was really long ago. A shark got on the ship, and bit my leg off.

Barman asks another time:

\-And, where you got the hook in place of h...

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A pirate walks into a bar.

The bartender notices that the pirate has an eye patch, a hook for a hand, and a peg leg. The bartender asks:

"What happened to you?"
The pirate says, "well where do i start?" Pointing down to his peg leg, he says "a while back, I was on top of me ship, scannin the horizon, when a rogue w...

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John is sitting at a bar when a drunk biker comes up to him and says, “I fucked your mom.”

So John knocks the guy out with one punch.

Next, a huge-looking man with an eye patch and a scarred face walks up to him and says, “I fucked your mom.” John knocks that guy out with one punch, too.

Finally, an old, frail-looking man goes up to John and says, “Hey, bitch! I fucked your ...

I'm not usually one to brag about my chick-magnet prowess...

but that hot girl with the eye patch keeps winking at me.

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Seagull poop (longish)

{From my childhood - no idea who to credit}



A man is sitting at the bar alone when suddenly, in walks a pirate.

The whole place goes quiet as the pirate walks to the counter.

He orders a drink and noticed the man is staring at him, eyes wide.

The pirate says, "Wha...

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So I met a Pirate...

- Mobile user, please excuse phrasing.

So the other day I met a pirate. I mean this guy was the real deal, peg leg, hook for a hand, eye patch, the works. I just had to ask him about it.

"Can I ask how you got the peg leg?".
"Aye, twas a dark, stormy night. I was at sea, surveying ...

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A man walks into a bar and sees a pirate.

A man strolls into his local bar and is shocked to see a pirate sitting at the end of the bar. The guy was decked out, eye patch, peg leg, and a hook hand. A real, proper pirate.

So the man says "why not?" And pulls up a seat next to the pirate. He buys a round for himself and the pirate and ...

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A Little Kid Sees a Pirate on the Beach...

and walks up to him. The pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. Intrigued, the kid asks, "how come you've got that peg for a foot?"

The pirate responds, "Aye, now that's a story. I was battlin' another ship with me crew, and a cannon ball flew straight toward me. Blew everythin' past...

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This was the first long joke I ever learned. Interview with a pirate.

There was a pirate who had agreed to do an interview with a local tv station. The reporter was very courteous and professional, giving a bit of background as to the pirate's business. She then began interviewing him.

"So Mr. Longbeard, are there any risks to your business? I see you have a pe...

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A Pirate's Life

A pirate goes into a bar and sits down.
The bartender says:


"Wow, you look like you've had a long life. Tell me about it. How did you get your wooden leg?"


" Arrr.... me ship capsized and a shark bit me leg off. Then while loading a canon it blew me hand clean off".

...

A sailor and a pirate walk into a bar.

They sit down next to each other and get to Talking. Their chat soon turns to their sea Adventures. The sailor tells of his days fighting Wars with the navy, and the pirate tells of robbing Ships and killing his enemies.
The sailor notices That the pirate has an eye patch, a hook and a Peg leg, ...

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The Pirate

A man walks into a bar and finds a pirate seated at the bar.

The man takes a seat next to the pirate and notes the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch.

The man strikes up a conversation with the pirate and eventually works up the courage to ask him about his deformities.
...

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My favorite Pirate joke my dad always tells

A young pirate is talking to an older pirate and he says, "wow how did you lose your hand?" pointing at the pirates hook.

"Arrr me young lad twas fighting off some scurvy attackers trying to take me ship and in the sword fight I got me hand cut off."


"Well how did you lose your leg...

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A Pirate walked into a bar

A pirate walked into a bar and sat down for a drink.

The bartender asked, "Gee you look awful, are you feeling okay?"

"I feel fine, why do you ask?," said the pirate.

"Well your leg is half missing, you have a wooden peg leg!"

"Arrr that happened a few years back, cannonb...

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The navy caught a pirate armada.

The admiral of the navy went to interrogate the pirate captain. He noticed that the captain was missing a leg, had a hook on a hand and was wearing an eyepatch. So he asked him the story behind them.
The pirate captain said, "I lost the hand 5 years ago, while fighting with the English army. So I...

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A sailor walks into a bar

He orders a drink and notices there's a mean, weather beaten pirate next to him at the bar. The pirate has a hook, a peg leg, and an eye patch. After a few drinks the sailor gets the courage to ask the pirate how he lost his leg.

The pirate tells him, "We were in the midst of a raging storm,...

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A bartender is minding his own business when he hears a horrendous crash.

He looks over at the open front doors just in time to see a glass eye flying through the front doors straight at the bar. He reaches out and grabs it at the last second, gives it a wipe with the towel he always has at hand and puts it down behind the bar. A few minutes later a very attractive young ...

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My girlfriend pegged me for the first time last night.

The sex was great, but I don't know why she insisted on wearing an eye patch.

Sailor walks up to a Pirate in a bar...

...offers to buy the pirate a drink if he tells him the tales of his hook, pegleg, and eye patch.

The pirate agrees, but to one drink per tale.

Sailor buys him a drink, and says, well, why don't you start with the pegleg?

Pirate takes a long swig, leans forward and says "SHARK!"...

A little boy with a speech impediment goes trick or treating as a pirate...

He gets to the first house and an old lady answers the door. She says,

"Well aren't you cute. Who are you dressed as?"

He replies,

"I'm a birate! I got my barrot, my bword and my batch!" , pointing to the stuffed parrot on his shoulder, waving his sword and pointing to his eye...

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Pirate joke!

So Long John Silver's was looking for a mascot to sell their fish on T.V and they were looking for a pirate.

So the first audition walks in and he is the perfect pirate! Peg leg, eye patch and hook for a hand, the perfect pirate look.

The interviewer talks to him for a little bit and f...

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