UPJOKE
tolerationallowanceacceptancepermissivenessleniencytolerateendurancesufferanceleewaymarginleniencetolerantindulgenceintoleranceliberality

We have a zero-tolerance policy

Here in the Republican Party

They say the more you drink, the higher is your tolerance.

Not true. My grandpa is an alcoholic, yet extremely racist.

My teacher talks all the time about tolerance of others: "Tolerance is the key to a peaceful society." So I heeded her advice and gradually became more tolerant.

Then I overdosed.

In schools with no tolerance policies...

Do all the survivors go to jail after a school shooting?

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Pain tolerance

It is believed that kids have far more pain tolerance than adults.
There could be statistics to support this , if only they stopped screaming their throats out in my basement.

What do you get if you give growth hormones to an ant?

Tolerance

The equalizer machine

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine, called the equalizer that would transfer a part of the mother's labor pain to the father.

He asked if they were willing to try it out. The father, being very ...

A panda walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "Would you like anything to drink?"

The panda replies, "No thanks, I'm only here to eat."

"So what would you like to eat?"

"I'll just take the fries."

The bartender serves the panda, who enjoys the meal. He asks, "Now, will your payment be cash or card...

My boss pulled me into his office. He sighed and said, "Look...when it comes to drinking on the job, I haven't got much tolerance."

"That's okay," I replied, "I was a rookie once too."

Why couldn’t the bigot with no feet drink milk?

Because they lack toes n tolerance

A stoner finds a leprechaun who promises to grant only one wish...

Stoner: "Alright maaan, uhhh, how about.... a joint of the best weed EVER that never goes out or burns up, and I will never gain a tolerance to it"

Leprechaun: "A neverending joint, splendid wish. So great a wish in fact that I will grant you one more wish."

Stoner: "Really, another wi...

A Physicist, and Engineer, and a Statistician...

are attempting to fire a cannon at a target 100 meters away. The physicist takes the lead, and performs numerous calculations to determine the cannonball's trajectory. He carefully aims the cannon and fires, coming short by 10 meters. The engineer, accounting for real world tolerances and imperfecti...

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A man, an ostrich and a cat walk into a bar...

One day, a man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a cat. The man orders a beer, and so does the ostrich. The cat orders half a pint, and refuses to tip the bartender. The bartender tells them their bill is $10.78. The man reaches into his pocket and gets exactly $10.78.

The next day, the ma...

First upvotes were enough, then gold and platinum. Now it’s awards.

After we build up a tolerance, I can’t wait to try what Reddit scientists are cooking up as the next praise drug.

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Dave decides he's had it with society, and buys some land in the middle of nowhere in Canada......

.... he builds himself an awesome log house, gets a great garden going, and is basically self-sustaining.
After several years, he hears a knock on his door.
With hesitation, he opens the door to find a big ol' Grizzly Adams-looking dude standing there.
"Howdy neighbor!" he says. "...

My boss is refusing to let my string quartet play for a coworker's birthday party next week.

He says he has a zero tolerance policy when it comes to workplace violins.

So, i was out drinking in a club and two guys with Swastika tattoo on their hands walked in next to me...

They order drinks and got pretty drunk in just one round, You can say that they had low tolerance.

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I am truly perplexed that so many people are against mosques being built.

I think it should be the goal of every Western Society to be tolerant regardless of their religious beliefs. Thus mosques should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance.

That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque, thereby promoting tolerance from w...

So, Bob shot a duck and it fell into Tom's property...

...Bob quickly hopped over the fence and went into Tom's backyard to get his meal, but Tom walks outside and finds Bob trespassing.

"Hey, Bob! That duck is in MY property, and it is MINE."

"No way, Tom! I shot this duck fair and square. I shot it, so I eat it!"

"How ...

Everything you need to know about Australia

I REALLY hope these are true


These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for stupid questions!)


\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\...

I don't understand lactose intolerance ppl

Why can't they just tolerate it? It's not that hard.

What is the cow equivalent of Netflix and Chill?

Lactose ‘n tolerance

Did you hear about the bread-less klansman who couldn't drink milk?

He lacked toast and tolerance.

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What's the difference between a guy that can't drink milk and a bunch of Nazi soup kitchens that ran out of bread?

The guy's lactose intolerant. The others lack toast and tolerance.

...god damn, that was painful. I'll show myself out.

*edit* for slightly better delivery

I have a diabetic racist uncle who doesn't get on with milk.

He lacks toes and tolerance.

A high schooled student becomes a national hero after taking down a school shooter

But was expelled because of the schools zero tolerance policy

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Wise words and thoughts.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.

My tole...

An Indian and Pakistani farmers are neighbour's.

One day, a chicken from the Indian's farm lays an egg on the Pakistani's farm. The two farmers argue about who the egg belongs to since it was the Indian's chicken but it was on the Pakistani's farm. So the decide to have a contest to strength and tolerance to decide who keeps the egg. Both farmers ...

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