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Extended Family Jokes

I dated an Indian girl in college and got to know her extended family

Now I have strong passwords for life

I attended many weddings in the past within my extended family.

At the reception, the old folks always came to me telling: "You're next! You're next!"

This suddenly stopped after I started doing the same at funeral services.

I took my girlfriend to the zoo on our 5th date.

I figured it was time for her to meet the extended family!

My Stepfather Used to Tell This Joke to Everyone

*What did the farmer say to the cows at night? "It's past your bedtime."*

He told this joke to anyone he talked to, from family to people at the doctor's office. I felt the joke was old the second time I heard it. So, I started working on a response.

Christmas djnner rolls around. We ...

What did the shirt say to the pants?

What up britches!





(At a photography studio today, taking an extended family picture with like 15 people there. This is what the photographer said to get us to smile. I couldn't stop laughing, and was beet red. We had to wait for me to calm down. I'm a middle age married ma...

A man and his mother

A man and his mother were going away for a week to see extended family. The mother was driving, and the man sat in the passenger seat.

The mother was driving much slower than everyone else. People were screaming and horns were blaring.

A police officer pulled her over and asked why th...

MY friend wanted to be buried with all of his cash.

A millionaire friend of mine found out that he had cancer. Being unmarried and with no children, he wanted to make sure none of his extended family got any of his money so we came up with a plan.

He would leave all of his money to me with the express instructions that I was to bury him with ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Awful Neighbors

"There is a huge house in our street. The extended family is run by a grumpy old woman with a pack of irritable dogs allowed to run without leashes.
Her car isn't taxed or insured and doesn't even have a number plate, but the police still do nothing.
To the best of my knowledge, she has neve...

A tale of colonial Pennsylvania

When William Penn first started settling the area, he of course moved his extended family with him. Two of his aunts found great success in selling many different kinds of pies. And very quickly the sisters realized they could make a lot more money if the raised their prices. Well long story short, ...

When is the best time to hold a funeral?

In the mourning.


FYI, my 11yo says he made this up today, right after learning of death in the extended family.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Southern ball in need of two male guests.

A lady of the plantation in a southern state was holding a ball in her wonderful country house. With most of the local well-to-do's attending and a great portion of her extended family (those who she did invite, of course) coming as well, she found herself with a problem.


Her two nieces w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, a kid heard her parents arguing.

She heard them yelling out bitch and bastard a couple of times. The kid intervened and asked them what does bitches and bastards mean. The mom said those words mean ladies and gentlemen.
A week later, the kid was watching TV with her dad. Later, a Victoria's Secret commercial came on, uttering th...

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