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Clan Jokes

Clan-destine investigation

How do you tell a Scotsman's clan?

You put your hand up his kilt. If you find two quarter pounders - he's a Macdonald.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Feudal Japan, 2 Samurai families are constantly at war...

One day, the eldest sons of the two Families got together and decided to put a stop to all the fighting and bloodshed between their clans. To the dismay of their closest relatives and companions, the two announce that they had agreed - they were going to have a duel to the death. The winner would b...

How do you tell what clan a Scotsman belongs to?

If ya look up his kilt and see a quarterpounder he's a McDonald.

I just killed a clan of chickpeas

It was a total hummuside

What do you do if attacked by a clan of clowns?

Go for the juggler

Did you hear about the Wuhan Clan?

They're killing it on the dance floors.

The Secret Deal

An original of mine. Excuse the grammar.

There once was a clan of hunter-gatherers dedicated to being self sufficient. They would ONLY ever hunt and gather. Absolutely no trading or sales of any kind was allowed in this clan. Being self sufficient was religion to them, and they hated the idea...

I'm in a gaming clan and our favorite season is Autumn

We're the Fall Guys

Have you heard of the chinese copy of Wu-tang Clan?

It's called Wu-han Clan

Our clan has a tradition of naming our children after deceased family members.

We named our son "Grandpa."

The wuhan clan have brought out a new track

It's gone viral.

There's an easy way to distinguish different clans of Scotsmen just by lifting their kilts...

...if they're packing a quarter pounder under there, they're a McDonald.

To be part of the clan...

A man is looking for a radical life change. After considerable thought, he decides to move to the freezing regions of Alaska, to live with the Eskimos. He leaves soon afterwards.

He really enjoys his time there. He seems to be getting along with everyone, and has learned to adapt to the ha...

What do you call a group of Racist Wizards?

The Horcrux Clan

What is the Grinch's least favorite rap group?

Who-Tang Clan

There's a name for a group of racist birds

It's called the Coo Clucks Clan

Why did Quentin Tarantino regret directing a Ninja Turtles movie?

Because he felt the villains being called "The Foot Clan" was very misleading.

What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself?

One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.

Did you hear about the hate-group whose members are mainly doves and chickens?

It's called the Coo Clucks Clan.

In the distant land of Punsar two thieves were stealing

The thieves happened to be twins, named Manny and Manny. They belonged to the clan of Long Anconvo, a Chinese clan of thieves known for their dexterousness and efficiency. One day, the head of the clan sent the two thieves to Punsar, a land known for its wealth in gold and jewelry.
The thieves...

I'm thinking of starting a group for barbecue chicken enthusiasts.

Hmu if you'd like to join the 'Cue Clucks Clan.

What do call a Hip Hop group that consists of furries?

The Uwu-Tang Clan.

What's the most popular band in China?

The Wuhan Clan.

What do you call a bunch of dying rappers?

Wuhan Clan.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you heard of the rap song that’s going viral?

Wuhan clan ain’t nothing to fuck with

Did you hear about the family of racist chicken detectives?

They're called the Clue Clucks Clan

I was trying to come up with a name for my group of mystery-solving chickens

Apparently the Clue Clucks Clan was already taken.

The Klu Klux Klan is so stupid

They can't even spell clan right

I'm 24 and she's 13. She wants me - what do I do?

I've been playing an online game with a woman. I'm up to level 24, but she's only on level 13. She really wants me in her clan to help her level, but I cant find the heart to tell her that she's only going to hold me back from leveling up myself.

What do you get when Redditors come up with a brilliant idea?

A punning clan with a cunning plan!

I am starting a club for middle aged women to gather and find younger men to take home and make love to in front of their husbands.

I'll call it, the Coug Cucks Clan.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man encounters a magic lamp and out pops a genie

The genie tells the man he will grant a wish of his choice, and the man proceeds to tell the genie his wish. The genie replies, “no problem, it should be done by tonight.”
Later that night, the man is waiting in his living room when he notices what appears to be a Ku Klux Klan rally forming in h...

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An Irishman walks into a bar...

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. “No,” replied the Irishman “I’ve lost all me luggage!” “How’d that happen?” “The cork fell out!” said the Irishman.

An Irish p...

What is the name of Dory's family?

The Blue Tang Clan

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What would /u/doubledickdude's band be called?

The Tu-Wang Clan

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Here’s one for ya

Three guys go and explore a jungle. They get captured by a clan of cannibals. The cannibals tell them to go into the jungle and pick 5 of the same fruit and bring it back.

The first guy comes back with 5 coconuts. The cannibals tell him that if he can get all five up his butt without making a...

The broken light

Recently I was having trouble with my light switch so I called for the maintenance guy.

An old grizzled Chinese man arrived shortly after and inspected the switch. He stated that the light switch was working perfectly fine but noted that indeed it was not working as I had said.

"This i...

A man wants to be an Eskimo...

He meets with the chief and asks him what it would take to become an Eskimo. The chief, wary of letting a white man into his clan, devises a series of impossible challenges. He says, "If you truly want to become part of our Eskimo family, you must do three things:
1) You must drink one gallon of ...

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Appalachian couple get married

Jethro and Ellie Mae get married, and after the wedding party they happily drive off in his 68 Ford truck for their honeymoon. But about an hour later, Jethro storms back into his parents house, angrily slamming the door.
The father asks what's going on, and Jethro says, "The weddins off!" Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 men shipwrecked on desert island

(Beer garden banter joke. Works best when you use yourself and people you know as the protagonists, just replace names and choose the butt of the joke)

3 men get shipwrecked on a desert island.
Their boat ruined they head in-land to find salvation, when out of the trees lunges a huge 7 fo...

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