Library of Congress bomber…

Yesterday’s attempted bomber said there are 4 more bombs planted in DC. After botching bombing Congress by showing up at the Library of Congress, the FBI has ordered the immediate evacuation of :

-the Richmond Mall’s Supreme Food Court

-The Hexagon Building on Connecticut Ave

-...

Today at work we had a mock emergency evacuation

Today at work we had a mock emergency evacuation. Last time we did this we got out of the building in 43 seconds.

When the alarm went off today we all ran out, but I accidentally bumped a drill off one of the tables.

The supervisor said “We got 40 seconds so we have beaten our previo...

What do you call a place you go to buy evacuation equipment?

A flee market

TIL the Titanic was scheduled to have an evacuation drill the same day it sank but was canceled by the captain.

Now let that sink in.

During a huge storm, a man's city calls for an emergency evacuation

As his neighbors are driving away, they offer him a seat in their minivan. He says, "No thank you. I believe in God, and God will protect me from this storm."

The flood waters start to rise and the man is standing on his balcony. A family in a fishing boat come by and offer a space on their b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Emergency Landing and Evacuation

A plane made an emergency landing on water. The stewardess asked the passengers to slide down to the lifeboats, but the passengers refused.

The stewardess then asked the captain to help. The captain, being very knowledgeable and experienced, guided her - “You tell the Americans this is an ADV...

To all the people who stand up as soon as the plane has landed...

You must suffer from premature evacuation.

Why don't you see French soldiers on the battlefield?

Premature evacuation.

My Hubby

Every time my hubby sees a Fire Exit he has to go and stand by it. I think he suffers from premature evacuation!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year: 2029. A brilliant scientist is constructing the first sentient artificial intelligence.

He's working out of his garage in San Francisco, living on charitable donations from his worried friends. He dropped out of college when he realized he could change the world — there's no going back; his life is dedicated to this project. At first, he is met with failure upon failure. But then, he r...

Big flood.

Local priest is listening to the news about a bad storm moving in and how the flooding is expected to be bad enough to warrant evacuations.
The lord will protect me he says under his breath.
Fast forward to ten hours later and he is on the roof watching the waters get higher and higher.
A b...

We had a fire drill at the sperm bank today...

But everyone gathered in the car park before the alarm went of, it was a premature evacuation

I have the ability to leave a building 5m before the fire alarm starts

I call it premature evacuation.

A fireman kicks down the door of a house and carries the family out 1 by 1, but there is no fire. A week later the building catches ablaze.

He suffers from premature evacuation.

My automatic toilet is the absolute worst. Sometimes it flushes before I even use it.

It suffers from premature evacuation.

My doctor said I was inconsonant

Sure enough, I just had a vowel evacuation

What was the governor of North Carolina criticized for responding to Hurricane Florence so quickly?

Because women don’t like premature evacuations

When a fire breaks out at a swingers convention

It causes premature evacuation.

In light of hurricane Matthew

A hurricane approaches Florida and evacuations begin as it will devastate the coast but one man decides to stay. He says to his neighbors "I believe God will save me". On the first day his floor is flooded and a little rowboat comes by and asks him if he wants to leave. He replies again "God will s...

What do you call it when someone leaves at the first sign of a hurricane?

A premature evacuation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Donut Joke

There was once an unemployed donut named Bob. Luckily for him, a pirate ship sailed into the port that day. He went to the captain of the ship and said, “Can I work on your ship?” The captain said “No.” The donut went home all sad and depressed. The next day, he went back to the captain. “Can I work...

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