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Incontinence Jokes

What’s the best solution for incontinence..

Depends.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I am suffering from both delayed ejaculation and incontinence.

So I can neither come or go.

"Incontinence hotline...

...can you hold?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to a doctor for incontinence...

A man goes to the doctor for incontinence.

Man: Doc, I have a problem. I keep peeing in bed in the middle of the night.

Doc: Why? What's the problem.

Man: Well, in the middle of the night, right around midnight, this little elf appears. He climbs up in my bed, goes up to...

My dad suffers from bowel incontinence, and so do I ...

It runs in my jeans.

I called the Incontinence Hotline today...

...they said, "Please Hold."

An elderly man has urinary incontinence. Why does he drink holy water before going to bed on Christmas Eve?

He wanted to sleep in heavenly pees.

I phoned the incontinence clinic emergency helpline today ...

They asked "where are you ringing from?"
I replied "the waist down".

When I get old and become a grandfather, I hope my family calls me pee-paw

Not because I would be grouchy, but because of my urinary incontinence

Pangaea.

It's just a fancy word for incontinence.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was in the gents restrooms at the urinals with my whacky inventor friend when he told me that he'd installed a voice activated device on his penis to combat his mild incontinence by controlling the flow of his pee.

I said "piss off!" and sure enough it stopped.

I've recently had severe bowel incontinence, so I decided to consult my doctor before starting up a daily powerwalking routine...

When I asked how my condition will affect my walks, my doctor responded, "Nothing severe, but you never know when the walks will turn into the runs."

What’s the worst thing for bats as they age?

Incontinence.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Australians and wetting yourself in the basement have in common?

They're both incontinence down under.

What medical condition are elderly bats most afraid of?

Incontinence.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does an 80-year old's vagina taste like?

Depends.

A man gets married and his mother-in-law moves in

One day, the husband comes home and finds the mother-in-law passed out on the floor with an empty jar of pills near her. He rushes her to the hospital. After a few hours of anxiously waiting, the doctor returns with her results.

“Alright, I have some good news and I’ve got some bad news”, sa...

Inconvenience is waiting in line to use the bathroom

Incontinence is not waiting in line to use the bathroom.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and a woman were sitting next to each other on a flight

A man and a woman were sitting next to each other on a flight from New York to Los Angeles.


As they were taking off, the man let out a sneeze, then took a napkin out from his pocket and reached into his pants and patted down his crotch region. The woman, being polite, pretended not to not...

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