Escaped Jokes - 52 Hilarious Escaped Jokes

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Escaped prisoner robbing a Couple

After being in prison for 15 years, a man escapes. He breaks into a house to look for money & guns but finds a young couple in bed. He orders the man out of the bed ties him to a chair. He tied the girl to the bed and kisses her neck. Then he gets up & goes into the bathroom.
The husband ...

What do you call a dwarf psychic who escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

An escaped convict breaks into a couple’s home

The couple is being held at gunpoint in their kitchen when the convict grabs the wife and whispers intently in her ear before letting her go.
The husband pulls her in close and says to her “look, this man has been locked up for who knows how long, hasn’t seen a woman in years. Maybe just let him ...

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Old Russian joke: One day the bear escaped from the zoo

One day the bear escaped from the zoo and climbed a tree in a residential area. Same day lonely old lady came out in the morning for milk, saw the bear and called the zoo. Half an hour later a rusty old van drove to her house. Hefty bearded man with a shotgun got out of the van followed by little wh...

A man escaped from a bear only with a bow in hand

But his friend who got an arrow in the knee was not as lucky.

You know how I escaped from Iraq?

Iran

What did the math teacher say when the parrot escaped?

Polygon

A prisoner escaped by putting a paper towel over his face and walking out of jail.

There’s a Bounty on his head.

A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving.

A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving. (Skydiving is when you jump out of a plane way up in the sky with a parachute to slow your fall) .... Sorry if that was a little con descending.

a prisoner escaped jail through a tunnel under his cell

After getting out of tunnel he found himself in a kindergarten playground

"I'm free! I'm free!" he screamed

"So what? I'm four" replied one of the toddler

A rabbit escaped from a lab.

While on his way, he found a group of rabbits who asked him to stay. Not wanting to refuse the offer, he asked them, what was so special about the place.

The leader of the group says - If you go through that fence, there is a whole field of carrots ready to eat to your content.

So, he ...

How many men escaped the destruction of Sodom?

A Lot.

A gorilla ask the zookeeper if he has heard about the escaped gorilla

The zookeeper says no. The gorilla replies, that’s because I’m a quiet gorilla

*muffled gorilla violence*

Did you hear about the guy who escaped being a toilet slave?

He got away scat-free.

A monkey escaped from the petting zoo.

He rode out the gates on the back of a baby sheep.
Authorities have stated that he is on the lamb.

The search for escaped psychic Chris Tolbol has ended tragically today.

He was discovered after being hit by a train.

Eyewitnesses state that he didn't see it coming.

A Sea Lion escaped from the Atlanta Aquarium...

I heard they had to re-seal the tank...

Two prisoners have escaped today

One is 7 feet, the other is 3 ft 6 in. Police are looking high and low for them.

Where did the hackers go when they escaped?

No idea, they just ransomware

Did you hear about the dwarf that escaped by rappelling from Alcatraz?

I would tell you, but it’s a little condescending.

Did you hear about the guy who escaped a firing squad only to fall into a vat of boiling oil?

He went from the firing plan into the fryer.

An elephant escaped from a zoo and no trace had been found....

Until a woman who had never seen an elephant before, called the police.

There's a weird animal in my garden. It's pulling up the cabbages with its tail. And what is worse, I cannot describe what it is doing with them.

What happened when the cows escaped from the paddock?

Udder Chaos!

A woman goes to a fortune teller As they sat there in the candlelit tent, the mystic waved her hands around the crystal ball, divining the woman’s future. Suddenly, the sooth-sayer’s hands went to her face and a gasp of horror escaped her mouth.

“I don’t know how to tell you this, so I’ll be blunt.” the fortune teller says. “You need to prepare yourself to become a widow. Your husband will be murdered in a manner most gruesome before the year is done.”

The woman was petrified, unable to process the information that’s been given to he...

My grandfather escaped

to America in search of freedom. It didn't last long 6 though. Grandma arrived on the next boat.

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My late Grandfathers favorite joke

There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.

News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and u...

A couple escaped from their elderly home to have some beer

Just after the waitress took their order, the man whispered his wife.

"My dear, you know what, I have been naughty, I did a series of silent farts when the waitress was taking our order."

Wife: "Darling, we should not go back to our elderly home after the beer." ...

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A pirate walked into a bar.

He had a wooden leg, an eye patch and a hook for a hand. The bartender was curious. "How did you get that wooden leg?" he asked.

The pirate took a swig of ale. "'Twas a terrible sea battle. I stood bravely, directly facing 12 cannons.All they managed to hit was my leg."

The bartender s...

Why don't escaped convicts make good writers?

Because they never finish their sentences

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Bear escaped from the zoo

Bear escaped from the zoo. No one can find it.

Finally, grandma calls 911: - Oh, a bear got into my yard and climbed on a tree! Take it away, I'm scared!!

A man comes with a small dog, gives grandma a rifle, points out at the dog and says: - Grandma, this is Biscuit. I'm going to clim...

''Did you hear about the Gorilla that escaped from the Zoo''

...the Gorilla asked the zookeeper

''No I did not'' the zookeeper replied

"That's because I'm a quiet gorilla''

^^^*Muffled ^^^Gorilla ^^^Violence ^^^*

A criminal finally escaped from jail,

He ran onto the streets and shouted, ‘I’M FREE, I’M FREE!’
A young girl came up to him, poked him on the shoulder and said, ‘So what? I’m four!’

What do you call an escaped convict who joins the circus for the winter to hide out?

Chili Con Carni

Watch out for the escaped horse!

He's unstable

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Escaped convict

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple in their bedroom. The husband turned to his wife and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen action in years. If he wants sex, I think it's best to just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it." "I'm so relieve...

Dog escaped

I need to see a dentist. One of my canines is getting loose.

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A few months ago my budgie escaped from its cage and had sex with our dog.

Anyone want some puppies going cheap?

Three prisoners of war have escaped and are running through a forest...

The smart one says, "They're catching up to us! Let's climb up a tree and make animal sounds so they don't hear us breathing."

As the first enemy soldiers pass underneath, the smart one says, "Cheep cheep."

As the next wave of potential captors goes by, the average intelligence POW hoo...

A guy escaped from the lunatic asylum.

He broke into the local laundromat, banged the female assistant and ran off.

Headline in the local newspaper next day read,

"Nut Screws Washer and Bolts”.

A Mexican magician had escaped from prison

A Mexican magician who had recently escaped from prison told his audience that he would disappear on the count of three.

He went, "Uno, dos..."

And POOF! He disappeared without a tres.

Overweight convict escaped from prison last night,

still at large.

An elephant escaped from the zoo yesterday.

Police believe it's hiding in a room somewhere. Citizens are requested not to mention it.

Three women (redhead, blondie and an asian) have just escaped a prison, and the cops are looking for them...

The girls were running trough the city and went into one of those fruit/ vegetables' market to hide, and find 3 bag of potatoes big enough for them to hide inside.

After a while, one cop that is looking for them finds the bags, and realize that they're kind of weird... So he approaches and ki...

I tried to catch a bunch of fireflies last night but they escaped the container

It was ajar

How do you announce that a psychic little person has escaped from prison?

"A small medium is at large."

Bonus:
A worm crawls out of a pile of spaghetti and says: “Damn, that was one hell of a gang bang!”

To that cow that escaped while i was skinning it alive

You can run but you can't hide

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escaped from the zoo?

It was otter chaos

A big cat escaped from its enclosure at the zoo yesterday.

Almost made me puma pants.

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Did you hear about the moose who escaped a Mexican zoo and ran all the way to Virginia?

He's now a VA-moose.

I know a man who says he designed a labyrinth, got imprisoned in it, and then escaped using wings made of wax.

But I wonder whether he really Daedalus things he claims to have done.

An Elephant has escaped from the Zoo...

He ends up in an old woman's garden. Now, this old woman, she's lived a very sheltered life. She has neither seen nor heard of an elephant before.

She calls up the Sheriff.
"Sheriff, there's a Giant Grey Monster in my garden!"

"A Giant Grey Monster in your garden?" he says, "Well, w...

There was a public hanging and the guy went off the ropes and escaped!

Sorry that was badly executed

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