This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Queen of England is taking a tour of an American hospital when she spots a patient furiously masturbating through an open door.

Her Majesty: "What's going on here? This is absolutely appalling."

Nurse: "Actually, Your Highness, it's for medicinal purposes. This patient has a very serious condition, and if he doesn't orgasm at least once every eight hours, his testicles will swell and cause fatal clotting."

Her ...

Why do chicken coops have two doors?

Because if they had 4, they’d be called chicken sedans

A police officer knocks on a doors

(Door opens)
Police officer: Hi there, there’s been a major incident and I’m asking around looking for leads...
Man: Leeds?! Nah mate you’re miles off, follow the M1 all the way up!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.

The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway an...

Why does a chicken coop only have 2 doors?

Because if it had 4 doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

For a while Harry Houdini used trap doors in every act.

It was a stage he was going through.

My wife said I had to choose between her and my obsession with pointing out doors...

I responded, “Well, there’s the door.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Some guy knocked on my door wanting to tell me the great news about our Lord.

I said "fuck off, i dont beleave in of that shit."


As I tried to close the door in his face, he grabbed my arm and twisted it up my back slamming my face into the wall, then with a single rabbit punch broke 3 of my ribs, he then kung fu kicked my leg shattering the bone in three places.<...

A young man walks into a record store and asks the clerk, “Do you have anything by the Doors?”

“Sure,” replies the clerk, “a mop bucket and a fire extinguisher.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My dog disgraced himself by escaping and bringing home next doors rabbit.

It was very dead and covered in dirt but I couldn't see any wound so I thought I might just be able to get away without confessing. So I quickly washed and blow dried the deceased bunny, snuck round the fence and popped bun back in its hutch, all snuggled up looking in its straw so it looked just l...

A man is locked in a room with no doors or windows...

The only thing in there with him is a red marble and a blue marble.

He says, “well, I have a red marble and I have a blue marble, and two haves make whole.” And so he uses that whole to climb out.

You say, “That’s stupid. It’s two *halves* that make a whole, not two ‘haves.’ And an...

Sinks can't open doors

Let that sink in

How does a ghost open locked doors?

With a Spoooooky

I have this obsession to check whether the oven is off and the doors are locked.

I really hate my job at the crematorium.

If doors could procreate, they'd have a lot of kids

considering that they're always getting knocked up.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Came home to find all my doors had been smashed in and everything was gone...

What sort of sick fuck does that to someone's advent calendar?!