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Three construction workers are sitting on a scaffolding eating lunch.

An electrician, a bricklayer, and a welder are sitting on a high rise scaffolding on their lunch break. They all open their lunches to find baloney sandwiches. The electrician sighs and says

"I hate baloney, my wife knows I hate baloney, yet every day I end up with this sandwich. If I get on...

I put scaffolding on my Hi-fi and steel girders on my digital radio.

Then my mom told me to stop reinforcing stereo types.

A little moron and a big moron were shingling a steep roof when suddenly the scaffolding collapsed. They both slid down the roof and stopped at the very edge, and then one fell off. Which one?

The big moron. The other one was a little more on.

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The cheapskate painter

A painter named Jack always tried to save a buck whenever he could, so he often would thin down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. He somehow managed to get away with this for some time.

One day, the local church decided to do a big restoration project. Jack put in a painting bid a...

One day while scaffolding...

Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding one day when suddenly, Steve falls off and is killed instantly. After the ambulance leaves with Steve's body, Bob and Jeff realize that one of them is going to have to tell Steve's wife.

Bob says he's good at this sort of sensitive ...

The death count nears 50 after scaffolding collapses and crushes fans at a rock music festival...

Eye-witnesses say there was a lot of heavy metal.

I was at the last Olympics

I saw a guy carrying what looked like fibreglass scaffolding

I said to him "are you a Pole Vaulter?"

He said "Nien, I am German, how did you know my name is Walter?"

A group of bricklayers a fixing up a nunnery

The abbess tells the sister cook to to cook up a meal for the hard working men, but before she gives it to them she should test their knowlege of the Bible. So she cooks lunch and carries it out to the workers. She spots one of them and asks him

"Good man, do you know Pontius Pilate?"

...

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It was Friday night. Frank, Jim and Ed were at the game ready to watch 26 infected zombie girls tear each other to pieces.

Tied around the inside of the arena, the infected girls are labelled A-Z, with fresh meat tied to their backs to entice them to fight. The winner is the last one standing.

Over 50,000 spectators watch from the stands behind a wire fence, betting slips in hand and eager for the fight to begin....

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Some jokes never get old... (Not mine)

Some jokes just NEVER get old LMAO

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blond guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to ...

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scot are working on the building site for the 2012 Olympic Games. They’ve been told that, as a perk, they’ll be given tickets, but come the day, they’re told that there are no free places left, and only athletes will be let into the ground.

Thinking quickly, the Englishman casts about amongst the debris of the build (what workman has ever ‘made good’, cleaning up after himself?)
Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he announces ‘Johnny Smith, England, pole vault,’ He is admitted.
The Scot follows his lead, scrabbles about and finds ...

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Three men arrive in heaven at the same time. St. Peter comes out to greet them.

"Sorry about this guys," says St. Peter. "God didn't realize just how many people would get into heaven, so we have a new policy. You now have to tell me the story of how you died, and if I think it's sad or interesting enough, I'll let you in."

He walks up to the first man who is a nerdy, bo...

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Two men are working on a construction site.

Paddy is busy assembling the drain pipes and gutters. Meanwhile Thomas is moving a wheel barrow of bricks up to the building, carrying them up the scaffolding, emptying the barrow, then moving all the bricks back down to the barrow, repeating the process.

"What the hell do you think your doin...

3 men arrived at the gates of heaven.

God said he would only allow them in if they had a funny story of how they died.

The first man was a window cleaner, working on the 14th floor of an apartment building. Suddenly, his scaffolding broke, and he fell. Luckily he was able to grab onto the windowsill of a 13th floor apartment. Bef...

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in to the Olympics, but they haven't got tickets.

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in to the Olympics, but they haven't got tickets. The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate. "McTavish, Scotland" he says, "Discus" and in he walks. The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and sli...

Four guys were working on a construction site

They were talking about life and one of them misstepped on the scaffolding, fell from the fourth floor, hit his head and died on the spot.

His friends were all shaken. They called 911, took all legal actions they should and their friend's body was removed.

One of them, noticing they fa...

While Michelangelo was painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel....

One day, he looked down from the scaffolding to see a solitary old woman kneeling in a pew, praying.

Since the woman could not see him, Michelangelo decided to have a little fun, and he called out, "I am Jesus Christ, hear me!"

The woman did not look up, and continued praying. So, Mic...

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Some construction workers are putting up a building...

The foreman is five stories up on the roof, about to cut some 2 x 4's when he realizes he doesn't have a saw. He shouts down to a worker on the ground.

"Hey!," the foreman yells. "I need a saw!"

The worker shrugs, unable to hear him over the machinery.

So the foreman shouts agai...

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The artist and the museum (long)

An artist is approached by a man who says he's to be the curator of a new museum dedicated to General George Custer and he wanted to hire the artist to paint a mural that was to be the centerpiece of the largest display.

The artist agrees and asks the curator if he had any particular subject...

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Three men die and go to Heaven (long):

John, Paul and Steve, none of whom knew each other, suddendly realise they must’ve died and find themselves waiting at Heaven’s gates.

St. Peter greets them, but it turns out the place is a bit crowded at the moment:

St. Peter: “I’m terribly sorry guys, but we’re a bit tight on space,...

Happy Easter Weekend ...

It is the day of Christ's crucifixion, and Jesus is being nailed in as his followers gather at the base of Golgotha to weep and mourn.

As they pray, they hear Jesus call out in a soft voice: "Peter ... Peter ..."

"Our Lord calls to you, Peter!" Thomas says.

Emboldened, Peter t...

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman all work on a building site...

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman all work on a building site. The lunch bell goes and they all go and sit upon the scoffolding and have their lunch.

The Englishman opens his lunchbox and says, "Ergh, a ham sandwich! If I get this again I'm going to kill myself."

The Irishman ...

So three guys are waiting in line to get into heaven...

And Saint Peter was walking around making sure everyone was doing OK and stopped at Bob. St Peter asks "So, how did you die?"

Bob says, "well my wife and I live on a third story apartment and I thought she was cheating on me. So I came home early from work one day, to catch her in the act. W...

A blind man walks into a bar

...and now the construction crew is in trouble for leaving their scaffolding stacked in the middle of the sidewalk.

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A man comes home early and believes his wife is having an affair

A man named James comes home a bit early one day from work to surprise his wife. As he enters their 11th floor apartment he smells cigarette smoke in the air and notices a pair of men's shoes that he does not own next to the door.

He enters the bedroom and finds his wife is laying naked unde...

Painting a Church: My favourite joke

Bill, an unscrupulous painter, would often thin down his paint when hired to do a job, and pocket the money he'd save.

One day, the local church decided to do some long-awaited maintenance, and hired Bill for the job.

Bill gets to work, and after a good few hours, he's nearly done - as...

An elderly lady would always bring flowers she picked from her garden to a local hospital to cheer up the pediatric patients.

One day a worker was installing a new sign in the lobby when a metal bar from his scaffolding fell. He was harnessed in to the part that didn't fall, but the bar hit the elderly lady with the flowers, killing her instantly.

Two years later the maintenance guy was walking down a corridor after...

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