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The Persian Rug

An attractive, well-dressed woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed...

I predict, in years to come there’ll be a nuclear war in the Middle East, which’ll leave only one country and the Persian Gulf .

Just Kuwait and sea.

Dad, am I more black or more Persian?

Dad: Why do you ask?

Son: There a kid at school selling his bike. Should I bargain or should I steal the bike?.

What did the Persian refugee say when he was asked how he got over the border?

I ran

Why did the Persians invade ancient Greece?

They were looking for weapons of math destruction.




I'll see myself out.

An old Persian joke

Long ago, there lived a poor peasant in the Persian Empire. The man had, some years before, lost his luck. His wife died, his meager wealth ebbed further away, and the poor peasant was on the verge of starvation. Realizing his life was growing grim, he decided that he would find his luck out there i...

After spending 90 days in the Persian Gulf, a sailor goes to complain to his master chief.

"Chief, I joined the Navy to see the world." The master chief replies, "Sailor, the Earth is 75 percent water. The navy showed you that, if you want to see the other 25 percent, join the army."

Persians are funny...

...Their jokes are always so Iran-ic.

"Persian sonic, why are you tired?"

"Iran."

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Three men were running from a Persian army when they came to the edge of a cliff...

With nowhere else to run, they prayed to their God for help, and an angel appeared. The angel said, "I will allow you to run and jump off this cliff to test your faith, and the first thing you scream after jumping will be what you transform into..."

The first man without hesitation ran and ju...

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A man walks in to a Persian rug store

He approaches the rugs to inspect the material they are made of. He lets out a fart and then hurriedly looks around to see if anyone heard; he sees no one looking his way and relaxes a little.
Interested in purchasing a rug, he approaches a sales clerk and asks for the price of the rug.
The s...

I took my Indian friend to a Persian restaurant

He said the pita was second to naan.

A man walks into the vet with his dog in his arms... [Long]

He brings the dog up to the counter and says "I need to see a vet, my dog won't wake up!" So the secretary brings him to an inspection room and he says the same thing to the vet "My dog won't wake up, he's been like this since yesterday!". The vet inspects the dog and can conclude only one thing. "S...

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Julia was organizing a cat show

and needed a trophy for the first prize. So she contacted a sculptor to create a trophy that resembled a beautiful persian cat.

Julia and the sculptor got together to discuss the plans for this trophy. She wanted it to be made of the finest white marble base with the persian cat made enti...

A thief breaks into the home of celebrities to steal their most prized possessions

After he's done, he always leaves a note letting them know exactly what he's stolen. One night, he breaks into Madonna's house. She finds a note the next day that says "Thanks for the Persian lamb's wool coat! This will be perfect for my wife."

The next day, he breaks into Simon Cowell's home...

Someone once asked me what my favorite Donald Trump quote was...

Well it'd have to be this one:

“Look, having nuclear—my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at MIT; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the Wharton School of Finance, very good, very smart —you know, if you’re a conservative Republican, if I were a ...

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A man walks into a bar, and his head is a giant orange.

He sits down, orders a drink. The bartender eyes him warily, but gets him what he wants. The man sits sipping the drink, idly watching the baseball game on the bar television. After a while, he runs dry and orders another.

"Tell you what," says the bartender, "this next one's on the house, bu...

Did you hear about the suicide bomber

Who refused to blow up in front of a crowd??
They say he was a real people Persian

A dozen guys are changing in the golf club's locker room

Suddenly, a cell phone starts ringing. One of the guys answers it.

'Hi!'

'Hi honey, it's me,' says a female voice. 'Are you still at the golf club?'

'Yeah.'

'Wonderful! I'm two streets away. I just saw this amazing Persian fur coat. It's truly marvelous. Can I buy it?'...

Xerxes I is the most successful carpet dealer.

He went to the West with a million Persians and came home with only a handful of them.

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The Dogs

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's, discussing why they were there. The first dog, a poodle, told his woeful tale.


"My owners bought the great new sports car with leather seats. They took me for a ride in it one day, and I was so excited, I couldn't help myself. I we...

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How to let your apprentice chef take care of an order

My restaurant has a sign outside that says we make anything that you want to eat. So a man came in today and wanted a garden salad with Persian dressing. I freaked out as I had no idea what Persian dressing was but my smart ass apprentice chef told me not to worry and that he will take care of it. H...

The smart smuggler

A shrewd businessman was crossing a border with two donkeys and some luggage. The border guard stops him and checks the packs, but finds nothing in them. He lets him pass.

This cycle repeats itself, with the businessman crossing the border back and forth, and the border guard never finding an...

Pheidippides just doesn't have the same ring to it.

When Pheidippides, the soldier who ran 26.2 miles to the city of Marathon to announce the defeat of the Persians to the Athenians, found out the long-distance races were going to be called Marathons, he was a little upset...

But he ran with it.

The leaders of the Big Three after the conference in Yalta

After WW2 in 1945 the leaders of the Big Three(USA, UK and the Soviet Union) respectively Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin met in Yalta for a conference to decide the fate of the world.

After the conference they wanted to have some fun. They decided to try and make the Persian cat in the resid...

An older Russian joke, feel free to swap the leaders' names

Leonid Brezhnev is visiting Jimmy Carter in Washington DC.
Upon arriving in the oval office he is surprised by the luxury and asks:
"The Soviet people would love to know how can your government afford such niceties in the middle on an oil crisis."
Carter responds with "Walk to the win...

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A man with an apple-sized head walks into a bar...

A man with a head the size of an apple walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender is understandably taken aback by the size of the man's head and says to him:

"Mate, I know you probably get asked this all the time but why is your head so small? There's a free beer in it for you if you ...