Do you know how you have a real Persian cat?

Every day, when you feed it, the cat it looks at you and says, “You know, I was a doctor in my country!”

This one time a Persian guy tried to fight me

Iran

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year is 480BC, and the Persians are invading Sparta.

The Persian army is marching through the hills of Sparta when they hear shouting from the other side of a nearby hill:

"I bet one Spartan can beat ten Persians!"

The Persian officer laughs at this and sends ten of his best soldiers to deal with this guy. After a couple of minutes of sc...

A persian Jewish family is having dinner...

The waiter walks over and asks, "Is anything okay?"

The stereotype of Persians used to be that they’re very cheap.

A Persian man’s wife died. After the burial he called the newspaper to write the obituary.

“Put ‘Sarah died’” he said

*Sir, you’re not paying us by word, it’s a flat rate... you can write a whole sentence if you like.*

“Put ‘Sarah died yesterday’”

*Sir, you can add six mo...

What did the runner say to the Persian?

I ran

The donkey once asked the Persian horse: "Do you play any instruments?" The horse replied:

"Ney"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Persian carpet

An attractive, well-dressed woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs. She looks around, spots a beautiful rug, and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men were running from a Persian army when they came to the edge of a cliff...

With nowhere else to run, they prayed to their God for help, and an angel appeared. The angel said, "I will allow you to run and jump off this cliff to test your faith, and the first thing you scream after jumping will be what you transform into..."

The first man without hesitation ran and ju...

I used to have a Persian girlfriend..

But Iran away.

A joke by Mirza Ghalib (renowned Urdu / Persian poet) translated into English

Not sure if the humor is lost in translation but I found it hilarious. Anyway here goes:



I got drunk under the influence of love and told her that she’s my Goddess;

I immediately sobered up when she told me that Goddesses are worshipped by many.

After spending 90 days in the Persian Gulf, a sailor goes to complain to his master chief.

"Chief, I joined the Navy to see the world." The master chief replies, "Sailor, the Earth is 75 percent water. The navy showed you that, if you want to see the other 25 percent, join the army."

Ommmmm....I predict in the Middle East, there'll be one country and The Persian Gulf

Just Kuwait and sea

Persians are funny...

...Their jokes are always so Iran-ic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks in to a Persian rug store

He approaches the rugs to inspect the material they are made of. He lets out a fart and then hurriedly looks around to see if anyone heard; he sees no one looking his way and relaxes a little.
Interested in purchasing a rug, he approaches a sales clerk and asks for the price of the rug.
The s...

I took my Indian friend to a Persian restaurant

He said the pita was second to naan.

A woman asks the carpenter to fix the wardrobe...

Translated from Persian:

A woman asks a carpenter to fix the wardrobe in their house, because when the train is passing by the house, the wardrobe shakes and makes noise. When the carpenter arrives to the house he tells the woman: "I'll go inside the wardrobe and close the door, and when the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Dogs

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's, discussing why they were there. The first dog, a poodle, told his woeful tale.


"My owners bought the great new sports car with leather seats. They took me for a ride in it one day, and I was so excited, I couldn't help myself. I we...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The smart smuggler

A shrewd businessman was crossing a border with two donkeys and some luggage. The border guard stops him and checks the packs, but finds nothing in them. He lets him pass.

This cycle repeats itself, with the businessman crossing the border back and forth, and the border guard never finding an...

A dozen guys are changing in the golf club's locker room

Suddenly, a cell phone starts ringing. One of the guys answers it.

'Hi!'

'Hi honey, it's me,' says a female voice. 'Are you still at the golf club?'

'Yeah.'

'Wonderful! I'm two streets away. I just saw this amazing Persian fur coat. It's truly marvelous. Can I buy it?'...

The leaders of the Big Three after the conference in Yalta

After WW2 in 1945 the leaders of the Big Three(USA, UK and the Soviet Union) respectively Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin met in Yalta for a conference to decide the fate of the world.

After the conference they wanted to have some fun. They decided to try and make the Persian cat in the resid...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Persian joke

Long ago, there lived a poor peasant in the Persian Empire. The man had, some years before, lost his luck. His wife died, his meager wealth ebbed further away, and the poor peasant was on the verge of starvation. Realizing his life was growing grim, he decided that he would find his luck out there i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to let your apprentice chef take care of an order

My restaurant has a sign outside that says we make anything that you want to eat. So a man came in today and wanted a garden salad with Persian dressing. I freaked out as I had no idea what Persian dressing was but my smart ass apprentice chef told me not to worry and that he will take care of it. H...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Julia was organizing a cat show

and needed a trophy for the first prize. So she contacted a sculptor to create a trophy that resembled a beautiful persian cat.

Julia and the sculptor got together to discuss the plans for this trophy. She wanted it to be made of the finest white marble base with the persian cat made enti...

A man walks into the vet with his dog in his arms... [Long]

He brings the dog up to the counter and says "I need to see a vet, my dog won't wake up!" So the secretary brings him to an inspection room and he says the same thing to the vet "My dog won't wake up, he's been like this since yesterday!". The vet inspects the dog and can conclude only one thing. "S...

Xerxes I is the most successful carpet dealer.

He went to the West with a million Persians and came home with only a handful of them.

Did you hear about the suicide bomber

Who refused to blow up in front of a crowd??
They say he was a real people Persian

Pheidippides just doesn't have the same ring to it.

When Pheidippides, the soldier who ran 26.2 miles to the city of Marathon to announce the defeat of the Persians to the Athenians, found out the long-distance races were going to be called Marathons, he was a little upset...

But he ran with it.

An older Russian joke, feel free to swap the leaders' names

Leonid Brezhnev is visiting Jimmy Carter in Washington DC.
Upon arriving in the oval office he is surprised by the luxury and asks:
"The Soviet people would love to know how can your government afford such niceties in the middle on an oil crisis."
Carter responds with "Walk to the win...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with an apple-sized head walks into a bar...

A man with a head the size of an apple walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender is understandably taken aback by the size of the man's head and says to him:

"Mate, I know you probably get asked this all the time but why is your head so small? There's a free beer in it for you if you ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.