A Spanish woman was married to an Arabic man when they discovered they were going to have identical twin boys.

After much discussion, it was decided that one should be named after his paternal grandfather Amal and the other after his maternal grandfather Juan. 

Years go by ...

The boys and their mom are at the grocery store one day when the boys were about 6 yrs old. As the mom was looking at c...

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Arabic kid in Kindergarten

Teacher: Today class, we will be learning to write our full names!

Tony: Yay!

Sophie: Awesome!

Zaid al-Jafari al-Amal el-Bahri Mohammed Mustafa Ali Muhammed Miqdaam: Fuck

What do you get when you cross slow dancing with Arabic royalty?

Dancing Sheikh to Sheikh.

TIFU by downloading a movie from an arabic website. The language was dubbed.

And before you all go on saying wrong sub, well, yes, that was arabic too.

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Got drunk and told my arabic neighbor his cooking tasted like shit

I really falafel about it

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A funny joke that my arabic dad told me :"the boy who wanted onion flavoured ice cream"

One day , The ice cream shop has a visitor , It is a little boy , The shop keeper says "Welcome , You came to the right place for your ice cream needs young man!" The little boy shouts while he is still at the door : "Do you guys have onion flavoured ice cream?" , The man is suprised and said: "no ,...

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Little Arabic Boy Asked Dad...

A young Arab boy asks his father “What is that strange hat you are wearing?”

The father said: "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia.' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”

"And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy.

“Oh, my son!”...

An Arabic man is helplessly wandering through the desert when he comes across a Jewish tie salesman.

"Water! Water!" The Arabic man cries.

"I have no water, only ties. Would you like to purchase a tie?" Replies the Jewish tie salesman.

"No!" Exclaims the Arabic man, "I need water! Tell me where there's water!"

"I know where there is water. 20 miles east, there is a village w...

What do you call an Arabic dairy farmer?

A milk sheikh.

In 1272, Arabic Muslims invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.

In 1873, the British refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

I've started learning Arabic

So I know when to start running.

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My Arabic sex doll

blows itself up


Muslims are immigrating everywhere and converting people to their religion. They hold sermons in Arabic and insist on speaking their language. Sooner or later we'll all be counting in Arabic too.

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The two hottest guys in high school were Amahl and Juan, the twin songs of a Spanish mother and an Arabic father.

Every girl in school wanted to have sex with them. Two sisters were lucky enough to have some success in bedding the twins.

"I did it with Juan when we went out last night, and it was really nice," the younger sister said. "But I won't be really satisfied until I've had his older brother, too...

Some idiot asked me what the 27th letter of the Arabic alphabet is...

And all I could say was, "Wow".

Have You Heard of the Arabic Santa Clause?

No? Me either. It's because he's on the No-Fly list.

3 women on a plane (originally an arabic joke)

A lebanese, an Egyptian, and a Somali are on a plane. The pilot announces that the plane is crashing into the ocean.

The Lebanese woman starts quickly putting on make up. The other two ask her why and she says:"the rescue team would likely save the prettiest girl first."

The Egyptian...

Why did the unfaithful Arabic woman cross the road?

To get to the other Sayid.

What is the Arabic word for Priest?


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My flight was being served

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the b...

Originally an Arabic joke!

A small town had one pharmacy until another opened across from the old one. A guy walks in the new pharmacy and asks the pharmacists for some Aspirin the pharmacist hands him one giant tablet, the man asks, “How is this supposed to help? It’s not gonna kill me?” The pharmacist says “Oh no, you see, ...

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The King of Saudi Arabia is very concerned that an Arabic Oryx hasn't been seen all year...

The Oryx is of course a beautiful animal, and the King is concerned that extinction could be coming for this beautiful symbol of his Kingdom. He desperately wants to save and ensure the survival the Oryx at all costs

The King decides to approach some of the world's best to help him track one ...

What do you call an Arabic rapper?

Vanilla Isis

The Grim Reaper

A woman was sleeping at home with her lover, she suddenly hears her husband knocking on the door, so she immediately makes a prayer "God, please hide my lover and take whatever you want from me." The grim reaper shows up infront of her and says "I will grant your wish, but only on one condition, aft...

Crisis in Faith

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all Muslims had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Muslim community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Muslim community. If the Muslims won, they could stay in Italy; an...

An Arab sheikh in a hotel...

An Arab sheikh was once visiting London. He was staying at a grand hotel. He was by himself and didn't know English very well.

Just as he jumped on the bed, a mouse scurried out from under. He was confused at first, then terrified. He used the phone on the side stand to call room service. Th...

My friend's dad is a war photographer, but with a twist.

He goes into battlefields after the shooting's stopped and takes pictures of the aftermath.

The newspaper he works for got him a contract to take photos in Iraq. Well, this was just after the war broke out, and he couldn't just fly into the country, not while there was a war. So he flew into...

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Desert Deployment Story [OC] [Long]

When I was deployed to middle east there were these Asian or Arabic guys who made food and cleaned out the port-a-johns and things like that. (I can’t tell what ethnicity they were because I’m from the Midwest and I don’t meet anyone who isn’t white or Latin-American or Vietnamese.)

Anyway o...

Selling Coke.

The disappointed salesman of Coke returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"

The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. B...

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The handicapped parrot

Danny walks into a pet store looking for a bird. After a half hour of fruitless searching, he hears a voice call out to him "Hey mister, I see you've been looking for a bird eh?" Danny turns around and to his surprise, he sees it was a parrot hailing him. Danny says "You can talk?" The parrot says "...

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A company sends a salesman to a middle-eastern country to boost soda sales.

He attempts a visual advertisement campaign.

All around the country, he places billboards with tree pictures, one next to the other: the picture on the left shows a poor man lost in the desert and very thirsty; the middle picture shows the same man drinking the company's drink; the picture o...

Trump's New Book

I was walking in the mall and I saw that there was an Arabic bookstore.

The sign outside led me to wonder just what exactly was in a Muslim bookstore, so I went in.

As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk gave me the stink eye, but asked if he could help me. I know I didn't ...

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Hotdogs made of monkeys

So there was this butcher, who had a machine that turns monkey into hotdogs he used to sell them as regular hotdogs and no one ever doubted it, but the man never make more than one monkey a day that was his secret .

One day the man went on a trip and left his son at his shop before he went he...

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The Mouse and the Lions [NSFW]

I originally heard this in Arabic:

There are two lions, a male and his female companion, sitting in the sahara. The Lions are talking to one another when a mouse runs up looks at the male lion and says "hey lion, i fucked your sister last night" and then he runs off.

The lioness looks...

A woman is severely injured in a car accident.

....Her husband talks to the doctor and asks how she's doing.

"Well, I've got some good news and some bad news." The doctor answered.

"The bad news is that she's completely paralyzed. You'll have to help her move, eat, drink, shower, go to the toilet, get into bed, and other day-to-d...

A tyrant decides to check on the patience of his people, so he decides to play a game... (Modified political joke)

(Just for the record, this joke I believe is from Arabic and is supposed to portray a certain nation, but I've modified it a little)

He tells his advisers to set up a roadblock in the entrance of the capital to see if anyone speaks up. Nobody does.

After a while, he orders his advisers...

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Two men have a penis size contest

One man was Arabic, the other was Black. For a week since they met at the bar they argued who was packing more heat.

Naturally the other Middle Eastern men sided with the Arab man, while the other Blacks sided with their Black friend. Eventually, the two men got bored of the constant debate b...

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The Lizard

Brother told me this joke in Arabic originally:

A lizard walks into a bar and loudly yells out "if anyone trys to fuck with me I'm gonna fuck them up." Then he walks back outside.

A pig looks at his friends and says "who does this lizard think he is, I'm gonna go beat the shit out of h...

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