UPJOKE
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A joke originally told in Arabic

The doctor asks him what is that dreaming problem.

"Every night I go to sleep," the man says. "I dream of a soccer match between a team of elephants and a team of ants"

"Ok, take this medicine," the doctor says. "It will fix the problem."

The man refuses though and says:
...

a joke thats originally in arabic, but I think translates well.

3 men are smoking weed when the cops show up. Panicked, one hides undrneath a car, the other climbs up a telephone pole, and the last hides under a donkey.

The cops find the first guy and ask him if he was smoking weed, and he replies "im just a mechanic, and havent smoked a day in my life" s...

an old arabic joke my uncle told me

a dumb guy fell down and hurt his back badly, he had to go to the hospital

the doctor told him: "just take this cream and apply it to the area of injury"

he went home and rubbed the cream on the staircase.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Arabic Boy Asked Dad...

A young Arab boy asks his father “What is that strange hat you are wearing?”

The father said: "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia.' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”

"And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy.

“Oh, my son!”...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW (Joke Translated from Arabic) A man goes to the pharmacy for Viagra...

He askes the pharmacist if the viagra really works and will make him last long?

The pharmacist says "yes! And now the box is on sale for $15.00!"

The man says "I only have a $20.00, can you make change?"

The pharmacist does not have change. So the man takes his little blue pill...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried to translate joke from Arabic

Three women setting together talking about a new ways to initiate sex with thier husbands,
One of them says "I have a good way, when ever I want to have sex with John I touch his dick and say your dick is very cold, do you need warming it a bit?, And that's it"

next day they the second wo...

Arabic Joke: What do you call a bee that is really nice around you?

A Habi-bee

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke in Arabic

Let's hope this translation works.
A guy who was wasted went to take a piss in an ally next to a barrel, passed out fell in the barrel pants down, ass in the air.
A guy who was super high passed by and saw the ass .. picked a stick and shoved it up the drunk's asshole, the drunk screams.
...

what is an Arabic ruler's favorite flavor of potato chips?

Sultan vinegar.

My Palestinian Cousin's favorite Arabic joke

Two criminals are given the death sentence. Before theyre executed, the warden asks the first man "What is your last request?". The man says "Please, sir, could I see my mother one last time before I go?". The warden turns to an officer and asks him to fetch the man's mother. In the meantime, he ask...

Thought I heard someone say “Hello” in Arabic

But it was a false Salaam

Why don't women in Arabic countries need car insurance

because they are already covered

An Arabic joke I translated

So, there used to be a cruel man who would lock his children into a dark room in order to punish them. Fortunately for them, there was a hole in the wall they could barely escape through.

One day he's fed up of this and gets his wife and stands on her shoulders so he can reach the hole and se...

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Joke translated from arabic

Three men were at a woman's house while her husband is at work. But he decided to come home early. Hearing the sound of the car, the woman told them to hide. With not enough time, they hid under garbage bags. The man walks in and asks his wife "What are those bags?"

The woman says:"my father ...

A stomach said to the brain, “I am more clever than you are.” “How so?,” brain inquired.

I can tell when I am empty, you can’t.

Arabic Joke

In 1272, Arabic Muslims invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.

In 1873, the British refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Arabic joke translation attempt

A guy walks into a grocery store and asks the shop guy, do you have cucumbers?

Store guy replies: yes I do

The man replies: put it in your ass

The next day, the man does the same thing, walks in, asks about cucumbers and tells the store guy to put it in his ass.

The follo...

Einstein and the Arabic guy

Einstein and an Arabic guy were on a long long train ride so Einstein said:

"Let's play a game, I ask you a question and if you don't know the answer you give me $5"

And the Arabic guy responded, "If I ask you a question and you don't know the answer you give me $100"

They agree...

Why is Patrick Star Arabic?

Because he lives under Iraq.

I translated this joke from Arabic

An engineer school graduate opened a clinic. If he were able to solve the patient's problem he would charge £1000. However, if he couldn't treat the patient he would give them £5000.

The engineer was soon making more money than the real doctor's clinic nearby. The doctor was confused and deci...

Another joke translated from Arabic

A man was walking home from work when he got in a car accident

His wife comes in a hurry to the hospital and asks the Doctor how he’s doing the Doctor says

“We got him out of intensive care but he died”

[My wife translated his joke for me from arabic]

A woman's husband had to go to a hospital in Sweden for his advanced sickness and the woman goes to her friend for comfort. She says to her friend, "I know he is sick, but he has been so sweet...he's been asking for pictures of me everyday". The friend then says, "that's surprising because I heard ...

I brought my Arabic friend to the zoo to see Llamas for the first time.

Once we got near them I told him which of the animals was a Llama, and then asked if he thought they looked good.

He turned to me with a confused look on his face and said,

“We’ve been talking for a while, why did you just greet me again?”

Equally confused, I replied,

...

What do you call an Arabic dairy farmer?

A milk sheikh.

3 women on a plane (originally an arabic joke)

A lebanese, an Egyptian, and a Somali are on a plane. The pilot announces that the plane is crashing into the ocean.

The Lebanese woman starts quickly putting on make up. The other two ask her why and she says:"the rescue team would likely save the prettiest girl first."

The Egyptian...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anna complained to her friend Julia how she sometimes found it difficult to initiate sex with her husband.

"I know a simple trick,” Julia said.
“Whenever I want to have sex with Peter, I gently put my hand on his dick and say:
*Your dick is very cold, do you want me to warm it up for you?*
And that's it! Works every time!”
Anna was impressed, and said she would try it when her husband...

Why was algebra so easy before Arabic numerals?

Because X was always 10.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An arab man goes to the U.S (translated from Arabic)

He only knew two english words, yes and no. After arriving to the state, and while wondering around the city, a gangster found him. They asked him if he wants to get beaten up. Naturally he answered “yes” and they beat the shit out of him. After they were done, they asked if he had enough. He gave i...

I had some really terrible Arabic food today

I tell ya, it was fal-awful!

Originally an Arabic joke!

A small town had one pharmacy until another opened across from the old one. A guy walks in the new pharmacy and asks the pharmacists for some Aspirin the pharmacist hands him one giant tablet, the man asks, “How is this supposed to help? It’s not gonna kill me?” The pharmacist says “Oh no, you see, ...

Arabic

Muslims are immigrating everywhere and converting people to their religion. They hold sermons in Arabic and insist on speaking their language. Sooner or later we'll all be counting in Arabic too.

An Arabic women was once arrested for smoking weed

She was stoned

The Arabic version of Minecraft runs approximately 4% faster.

Because the letters are more aerodynamic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Overhead in a Arabic cafe- very nasty) A Tunisian, Algerian and Egyptian are arguing...

About whose the manliest out of all three. They decide to have a competition. They go to the zoo and rob three monkeys. They decide whoever gets the monkey pregnant must be the manliest man there is.

So the Tunisian shags his monkey and gets her pregnant and she gives birth to four little hum...

What is the Arabic word for Priest?

Infidel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Arabic sex doll

blows itself up

Hus: I got a package with bullets and arabic note today

Wife: Idiot! These are suppositories and the note from doctor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Got drunk and told my arabic neighbor his cooking tasted like shit

I really falafel about it

Have You Heard of the Arabic Santa Clause?

No? Me either. It's because he's on the No-Fly list.

What do you get when you cross slow dancing with Arabic royalty?

Dancing Sheikh to Sheikh.

TIFU by downloading a movie from an arabic website. The language was dubbed.

And before you all go on saying wrong sub, well, yes, that was arabic too.

A Spanish woman was married to an Arabic man when they discovered they were going to have identical twin boys.

After much discussion, it was decided that one should be named after his paternal grandfather Amal and the other after his maternal grandfather Juan.

Years go by ...

The boys and their mom are at the grocery store one day when the boys were about 6 yrs old. As the mom was looking at...

I asked my Arabic friend how he made all his money…

He said it was 3 simple steps:

Step 1: Be named Muhammed.
Step 2: Start a new religion.
Step 3: Prophet.

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