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Cleopatra Jokes

Why couldn't Cleopatra accept Mark Anthony's death?

She was the queen of denial

Not everybody thinks Cleopatra is beautiful

But that's how Julius Caesar.

Cleopatra fell out of her boat but wouldn’t admit she was wet.

She was in denial.

So Cleopatra turns to Marc Antony and says…

“Not tonight, dear, I’m on my pyramid.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did Cleopatra know her butt cheeks would get along?

They had a Tutankhamun.

Caesar on Cleopatra:

I, Caesar, when I learned of the fame
Of Cleopatra, I straightway laid claim.
Ahead of my legions,
I invaded her regions,
I saw, I conquered, I came.

What did Octavian say when he stormed Cleopatra's gardens?

Caesar salad

My friend says he wants to sleep with Cleopatra

I think he just has mummy issues.

When Cleopatra is aroused, she produces pharaoh-moans.

Unless it’s that time of the month that she’s on her pyramid.

When was Cleopatra at her most irritable?

When she was on her pyramid.

An English tourist in a Cairo marketplace was offered a large skull by a street trader

"This is the skull of Great Queen Cleopatra for only One hundred English pound." said the trader.

The tourist says, "No thank you, it's far too expensive."

Then the trader produces a small skull and says, "How about this one?"

The tourist asks, "Whose skull is that?"

The ...

Roman Dating

Caesar and Brutus were chatting over a goblet of wine one day.

Caesar says, "I had a hot date with a girl from Egypt that I met the other night."

Brutus asks, "What was her name?"

Caesar says, "Cleopatra."

Brutus asks, "How did the date go? "

Caesar answers, "vidi ...

My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay (NSFW)

I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra

I got stabbed 23 times

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗡𝗮𝗺𝗲'𝘀 𝗙𝗼𝗻𝘁... 𝗖𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗰 𝗙𝗼𝗻𝘁.

The year was 2020.

By some miracle, Julius Caesar woke up in his grave.

Yes, the same dude from Ancient Rome who got whacked by Brutus and his buddies.

The stab wounds on his back had healed and he was alive again.

He dug himself out of his grave and looked at himself in...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cleopatra had it all: perfect tits, a tight little waist, legs that didn't quit...

...and an absolutely killer asp

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A good wish from Genie!!!

4 friends made their annual monthly meeting. Every 3rd week of each month they go out same bar same time same friday night.

As always they endup pretty drunk and a 3 o'clock in morning they call out this night and start go home. While walking on empty and dark street they were still having f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to the Worst Strip Club in Texas

There was only one other person there, a 80-something year old woman with flabby tits and makeup so thick it caked up around her eyes. She was sitting on the edge of the stage, smoking a rolled up cigarette between her dentures with her prosthetic metal hook hand.

When she saw me, she stood u...

A fitness freak is out for a run one day. She's having a great run, tunes playing through her ear buds, sun shining.

As she sprints blissfully across a road, a massive truck ploughs into her.

The next thing she's aware of is she's standing in a shiny, beautiful place and inately realises, this must be Heaven.

Sure enough, an angel approaches her and tells her, yes she's now in Heaven and gives her a ...

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