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Drops Jokes

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A man is eating soup at a restaurant when he drops his spoon.

It was a particularly busy day, so the man thinks "Great, by the time I get another spoon, my soup will be cold." Nevertheless, he flags down his waiter and tells him that he dropped his spoon. The waiter says "Here ya go" and produces a spoon from his vest pocket. "Wow, that was convenient" the man...

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As an experiment, I combined some Viagra with penis enlarging pills and dissolved them in some eye drops.

It made me take a long, hard look at myself.

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners

The lady says, "Come Again!"

The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

A blonde accidentally drops 20$ down the toilet

She asks her boyfriend to grab it for her and he says:

"Y'know, honey, 20$ isn't really worth putting my hand on the toilet."

"Would 70$ be worth it?"

"70$? Yeah, I suppose."

The blonde drops 50$ down the toilet.

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The King of France, The King of England and The King of Spain are having an argument over who has the biggest penis.

Eventually they decide to let the people judge. They all stand on a stage in front of the people and drop their pants one by one.


The King of France drops his and the French crowd shout "Viva la France!!"


The King of Spain drops his and the Spanish crowd shout "Viva la Es...

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After a sleepover, a boy drops a girl at her home

He puts his hand on the wall by the gate for support, leans toward her.

BOY : Can I kiss you?

GIRL: Not now, we're home.

BOY : Please.

GIRL: No.

BOY : You were damn sexy in bed today.

GIRL: You too, full of energy. I cannot believe we had four rounds!
...

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When a fly drops 5 inches

A fly flies back and forth over a river repeatedly, dropping five inches each time. A fish sees it and decides it will jump and catch it when it drops.
A bear sees the fish and decides it will get the fish when it jumps.
A hunter with a cheese sandwich in his pocket sees the bear and waits for...

Two men are out hunting when one of them suddenly drops dead

Two men are out hunting when one of them suddenly drops dead. He calls 911 immediately. The operator says "Can I help you sir?"

The man replies "I think my friend is dead! Get an ambulance! What should I do?"

The operator replies "Okay, calm down sir. First we have to make sure he is d...

Q: What’s green, has six legs, and if it drops out of a tree onto you will kill you?

A: A pool table.

Bonus Joke!!!

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: Doesn't matter, he won't come.

A Chinese doctor cant find a job in a hospital in America, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside that reads "GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100."

An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.

Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."

Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 14 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."

Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene."

Chinese: "Congrats, yo...

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A rich man died and left $2 million each to a rabbi, a priest, and an imam

He stipulated in his will that half the money must be buried with him in the grave.

At his funeral, the priest gets up, gives a short speech, and tosses $1 million into the grave.

The imam gets up, says a few words, and drops $1 million into the open grave.

Finally, the rabbi ge...

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What does a stripper do to her asshole before going to work?

Drops him off at band practice.

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A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.

He walks directly up to the Madam, drops down $500, and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"

The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal."

The trucker replies, "Listen darlin’,...

A drunk man drops his keys

After a night of heavy drinking, at around 2 a.m. a man staggers to get home. He hears his keys fall out of his pockets. Annoyed by this he swears and starts looking for them.

Some time later a cop car patrolling the area stops by him and a policeman gets out of the car and asks him:

...

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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun, and one brought nothing but a few cough drops.

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobweb...

Two priests are in a shower.

They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.

Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.

He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway down the hall when he sees three newly inducted nuns from o...

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Two monks are taking a shower together.

Suddenly one of the monks notices that they forgot the soap. So he leaves the shower and runs to his room completely naked to grab some soap.

Once he's got the soap and is walking back he hears three nuns approaching.

Terrified that they might recognize him he freezes and pretends to b...

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An elderly Man goes to the Doctor.

Man:"Doctor i need help, recebtly i got a new Girlfriend, 26 years old and im pretty much impotent can you help me?"

Doctor:"I have the right thing for you, please drop your pants."

The Man drops his Pants and the Doctor puts a syringe in his Penis, containing a blue liquid.

The...

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A British soldier returns from war after 4 years against the Germans.

His faithful wife, longing for sex all these years, dresses up in her sheerest lingerie, hoping to entice her returning husband. She waits by the door as her husband enters and her lingerie gently slips off her body and she stands there naked. “Darling, look what the wind blew away”, she says seduct...

I give to you a joke I made up when I was seven: Why did the computer crash?

Because it had a bad driver!

*drops mic*

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Confucius say man who drops watch in toilet...

...has shitty time

A man and his wife are out to dinner when the wife drops spaghetti

Wife: “Dang it! I look like a pig!”

Husband: “And you spilled on your shirt.”

A statistics major drops out of college and joins the army

During marksmanship training his first shot flys a meter above the target, his spotter tells him “miss. one meter high, aim lower”

His second shot lands really low below the target. His spotter says to him “Miss. One meter low”

“Oh so I hit it?” Says the statistician.

The inventor of Halls Cough Drops died last night.

There will be no coffin at his funeral.

A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 50 times last year.” The wife turns to her husband and says, “He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him.”

They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 65 times last year.”
The wife turns to her husband and says, “This one mated 65 times last year.
That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also.”
They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: “This bul...

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There's this guy who could sing through his butt...

He goes to audition with this producer who has a variety show. The producer asks to hear him, so he drops his drawers and does a medley from "Barber of Seville", in perfect Italian. Well the producer is really impressed. He books him for the Saturday night show.

When the time comes for his ac...

My friend drops French fries when he eats them. I told him to try onion rings because they're easier to hold, so he switched but it's still a problem.

They’re dropping like fries.

Drops

Technically, eye drops are “blinker fluid”

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When a fly drops three inches...

{Sorry if this is a repost, I haven’t seen it before and I heard this back in eighth grade.}


There was a fly dancing three inches above the water.

A fish saw it and thought, “If that fly drops three inches, I can get the fly and eat it!”

By the shore is a bear. The bear see...

Where does a lizard go after it drops its tail?

To the retail store

Yo mama’s so fat

When she skips a meal, the stock market drops.

Little Johnny was told by his friends that adults have a deep dark secret and can be easily manipulated.

Johnny decides to test it. He comes home, goes up to his mother and says, "Mom, I know everything." Mom shushes him and gives him $10.

"Just don't tell Dad" she says.

*Hey, it's working* thinks Little Johnny.

An hour later, Dad comes home from work. Johnny goes up to him and ...

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A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around,

that they offered a standing $1,000 bet.

The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron.

Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.

Many people had tried over time (weightlifters, longshore...

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An old woman accidentally drops her fake teeth at the park while walking her dog.

She can’t find the teeth anywhere in the tall grass. A man spots her bending over and asks what she lost. “I dropped my false teeth somewhere around here.”

“Oh,” the man says, “that’s no big deal. Here, try this pair on.”

He hands her a set of teeth that are too big for her mouth. He h...

A man and his wife retire after working at their respective jobs for 40+ years and settle on a nice ranch out in the country

The wife asks if she can adopt a cat since all of their kids have grown and moved on, so she was having some empty nest syndromes going on

The husband agrees and they adopt a cat from the local shelter

And this woman adored the cat, lavishing all kinds of love onto the animal

Un...

A man goes to his friend's house and knocks on the door.

The wife responds and only had a towel on her.
The man looks at her and says: is your husband here?
She said: yes, he's taking a bath.
The man: I'll give you $100 if you drop the towel.
Wife: you are crazy, I would never do that.
The man: I'll give you $250 if you drop...

What does a French man say when he drops an egg on the ground?

Oeuf

I am so good a using eye drops

I can do it with my eyes closed.

Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up.

Sam looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?"

They draw straws. Lester, who is always a loser, picks the short one.

They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't...

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A fly hovers above a lake.

A fly hovers six inches above a lake. A fish, just underneath the surface, thinks "If that fly drops six inches, I can jump up and eat the fly."

Meanwhile, a nearby bear thinks "If that fly drops six inches, the fish will eat the fly, and I can eat the fish."

Meanwhile, a hunter in the...

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Paddy walks into a doctor and drops his trousers.

Paddy walks into a doctor and drops his trousers, exposing his extremely large penis and asks:’can you give me something for this?’ .
The doctor beckons him over to the window and says ‘do you see that silver Mercedes over there?,
‘Yes’ says Paddy,
‘I will give you that for it’ says the d...

“Come Again” They said as the woman drops off her stained dress at the drycleaners

“No, it’s actually a yogurt stain this time.” She replied

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A man drops his coin into the wishing well...

" I wish I had a giant cock!"

Wish granted. Cause of death, 2 metre cock shoved up his ass. Giant still at large.

A Vietnamese farmer was working in the rice paddy field when he sees his son running to him

'Father, father look' , the kid points to a newspaper and says excitedly ' The Americans have gone to the moon '.

The farmer drops his plough and asks excitedly ;

'All of them'

'No just 3', replies the kid

'Damn it'

The father shakes his head in disappointment an...

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When the fly drops 4 inches

Picture a mountain stream and there is bear that is trying to catch a fish and there is a fly that is buzzing over the stream.

The fish inside the stream is looking up at the fly, and is thinking if this fly would just drop 4 inches then I could jump out of the water and have a snack.
...

An Armenian takes his son hunting with him for the first time.

\- I don't understand, Daddy, - the son says. - How are you going to hunt? You have no gun with you, no traps, no net even...

\- Ah, son, you don't know what our Armenian jinx is like. There, look, a rabbit is sitting under that bush. Such a strong, healthy little rabbit, such shiny fur it ha...

What chord does a piano make when it drops on a child?

...A-flat minor

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.

As the bartender gives her the drink she says, “I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today…”

The bartender says, “Well, since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.”

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, “I wou...

Truth

At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are
hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very
easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth" even when you don't know anything.

The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mo...

A scientist drops a bar of gold on his foot by mistake...

"Au!", he exclaimed.

As a butcher is shooing away a dog from his shop, he sees a $25 bill and a note in his mouth, reading: “10 pork chops, please.”

Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of pork chops in the dog’s mouth, and quickly closes the shop.

He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he w...

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An alien couple land their saucer in a farmer's field

They approach the house and explain to the farmer and his wife that they are intergalactic swingers. He asks them is they are ok to spend the night and then go back to their planet in the morning. The farmer and his wife talk it over and agree.

The male alien takes the farmer's wife into th...

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What happens when a fly drops 6 inches...

A fish is swimming in a river when it sees a fly above. The fish thinks to itself, "If that fly would only drop six inches I could jump up and have some lunch."

Well on the bank of the river is a bear. The bear sees the fish and the fly and thinks to itself "If that fly would only drop six in...

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They DoD realized they have too many Generals.

So they offer a retirement package where they have a doctor measure the distance between any two points on their body and they get $10,000 for every inch.

An Air Force General is the first two take the offer and has the doctor measure him from the top of this head to the bottom of this feet. ...

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A frustrated wife goes to the doctor (long)

"Doctor, you have to help me. I've been married 30 years to my husband and I feel he's lost all interest in me. You know, phisically speaking. He barely looks at me, let alone have sex with me. Oh, I really miss the good old times where we had wonderful sex multiple times a week, there must be somet...

Don't share eye drops..

You never know where that person's eye has been.

My girlfriend thought we could stay dry if we ran between the rain drops.

I told her she's deluginal.

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Son: * Drops a glass of water *

Dad : *sighs * such a sloppy bastard
Mom: Well, he isn't sloppy!

A man drops a brick, a knife, and a bomb out of the window of a helicopter.

Joe has decided to go for a walk in the park. As he travels the park, he sees a kid crying. Concerned, he asks what's wrong. The kid says, "A brick fell and landed on my foot!". After making sure the kid was okay, Joe keeps walking. Soon, he sees a kid who is pale as a ghost. Concerned, he asks what...

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A man walks into a brothel

A man walks into a brothel one day and says to the woman: “I’m here to enjoy an evening with a young woman. Is this a fine establishment?”

The woman replies “oh absolutely! This is the finest establishment that you’ll find within a 300 mile radius!”

The man states “great! I have a 12 i...

What kind of cough drops do pigs take?

Reeeeeecola

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What if a fly drops 2 inches?

A fish was looking out of its river and saw this fly and thought 'if that fly drops 2 inches, I'll be able to jump out and eat it.' Then there was a bear looking at the fish that was looking at the fly and thought 'if the fly drops 2 inches the fish will jump up to get the fly and I'll get the fish'...

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A fly drops 6 inches.

There's a fly hovering above a lake just out of the reach of a fish.
The fly drops 6 inches so the fish jumped out of the water and eats it.
Unfortunately there is a bear waiting for that fish and the bear snags the fish.
Across the lake on the shore there's a hunter who is aiming his rifl...

NSFW Cop pulls over a blonde for speeding

When he gets up to the window he asks for her licence and registration.

“What’s a licence” she asks

So the cop explains what a licence is.

The blonde quickly says “Oh I have one of those” and hands it over to the cop.

“I also need to registration” reminds the cop

“...

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A restaurant patron drops his spoon on the floor and asks the waiter for a new one.

The waiter immediately reaches into his apron and pulls out a new spoon and gives it to the customer.

The table finishes their meal and the waiter comes to drop the check. The man who had earlier dropped his spoon says to the waiter, "Hey, that was pretty impressive that you were able to giv...

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