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Helsinki Jokes

What's the opposite of Helsinki?

Heavenfloaty.

The pilot on a recent trip to Helsinki was a bit of a magician.

After walking up the steps onto the airplane, he vanished into FinnAir.

Why are races in Helsinki so confusing?

Because every line is a Finnish line.

Two cannibals are eating a guy from Budapest and a guy from Helsinki.

One turns to the other and says are you still hungary? He replies no I'm finished.

I lost my wife while we waited for a flight at Helsinki Airport..

She disappeared into Fin-air.

Putin lands at Helsinki airport...

...and the immigration officer says "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin". "Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia". "Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting".

Credit goes to a dude in the Finland thread. Made me laugh.

Helsinki

My uncle was in a race across Europe. He was in first place for a while and got to the edge of the Baltic Sea and saw some sailboats drydocked by the water.

He might have been a little too presumptive when he was pulling a boat to the edge of the Sea. The boat’s owner came over to him. He wa...

At the Helsinki Summit, Russia offered to supply both Translators

Which is nice considering they supplied both President

Court Hearing in Helsinki

The judge questions the culprit:
"Where have you been in the night of the 4th November to 11th February?"

I used to date an air stewardess from Helsinki

I dropped her off at work one day and she just vanished into Finnair

What kind of songs does Sub-Zero sing at his church in Helsinki?

FINNISH HYMNS!

What do you call a dead man from Helsinki?

Finnished.

Why did the Helsinki-based executive travel for work?

He had some un-Finnish business.

What do you call a religious song from Helsinki that describes the end of a Mortal Kombat match?

A Finnish Hymn

Putin gave Trump a FIFA ball at Helsinki because he knows

Trump will play ball

What did the Helsinki Summit have in common with the 2018 World Cup?

Nobody was playing for the USA.

A man rode a bicycle from Utsjoki to Helsinki to raise money for a fundraiser

When a news team came along to interview, all he said was "it was a fun trip from start to Finnish"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American, Brit and Finn sit at the pub

The American says: “our Air Force is so mighty that if we launch all of our airplanes into the sky, you won’t even see the sun!”

Everyone around looks impressed, agrees that the US Air Force is indeed mighty.

The Brit says: “our navy is so mighty that if we’d line up all of our vessels...

Victory day

Soviet Union delegation announced they are coming to Helsinki. To commemorate the Victory Day, they asked to set flowers to the statue of the unknown soldier. Finnish officials complied, but started to panic: there is no statue of the unknown soldier in Helsinki!

After a bit a brainstorming, ...

why in Finland do they think the devil lives at the bottom of the sea?

Because helsinki.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Sami temperature scale

(ed: the Sami are an indigineous people living in the northern parts of Scandinavia, also called Lapland)

+10°C: Inhabitants of Helsinki turn off the heat. The Sami plant flowers.

+5°C: If the sun rises over the horizon, it's sunbathing time for the Sami

+2°C: Italian cars won't...

Ferrari hires some new employees

On Tuesday, Ferrari handed over the final pay-outs to its entire depot team and hired a group of young unemployed Somali men living near a road known as the Mogadishu area of ​​Helsinki. Ferrari's management team made its decision after seeing a document showing how these young people from Helsinki...

Where does the Devil do his washing up?

In Helsinki

Where do bad plates go to after they've broken?

Helsinki

What is worse than caving in Thailand?

Caving in Helsinki.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the office of the General Secretary of the Soviet Union, the phone rings.

Comrade Stalin answers it and from the other side of the line a voice says: “This is Tapani from Finland. I am ringing you from Helsinki to inform you that we officially declare war on you!”

Stalin replies: “Well Tapani, that is indeed important news. How big is your army?”

“Right now,...

What did the woman from Finland say after seeing an old man fall in the water, knowing he couldn't swim?

"Oh no, Helsinki! He Finnish!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher in 1st grade at school is angry with a student that always swears and pays no attention to the lesson

"what's your problem?" Teacher asks

"Miss, I think I shouldn't be in the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm far smarter than her. I should be at least in the 3rd grade" he replies.

She goes with him to the principal, with whom agree to do some knowledge tests.

-wha...

My favorite Finnish joke

Pekka is at a party in a tall building in the great city of Helsinki, which is quite different from the small timber cabin in the forest he is used to as a lumberjack. Pekka is enjoying the party, but after a few bottles of the moonshine he brought, Pekka finds himself in the need of a toilet. He as...

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