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Doubled Jokes

My landlord doubled my rent. I’m going to give up drinking for a month.

Sorry I missed punctuation there.

I’m going to give up, drinking for a month.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was at the garden supply center and noticed the price of manure has almost doubled.

Shit's getting expensive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man had three beautiful girlfriends but didn’t know which one to marry. As a test, he decided to give each woman $5,000 to see how they would spend it.

The first girlfriend went out and got herself
a complete makeover, She told him,
"I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."

The second went shopping and bought the man new golf clubs, an iPad and an 80-inch flatscreen television. She said,"I bought th...

There was a German, an Italian and an Irishman on death row.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die:

1. To be shot
2. To be hung
3. To be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head.". Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." (Snap, he was dead...

EDD doubled their workforce to handle rising jobless claims

Now they can hang up on you in half the time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young soldier was sent to the personnel office and assigned the task of registering recruits for life insurance.

Because of the cost, most soldiers didn't buy the life insurance, but after only 1 month on the job he had sold a record number of policies.

His captain noticed but thought it was a fluke. However, the following month, he doubled sales. A month later, when he set the army record for policies ...

What if Netflix doubled as a dating service

Like “here are 7 other singles close by that also watched That 70's Show for 8 hours straight.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Since self quarantine, masturbation has doubled among the population...

You know what they say desperate times call for desperate pleasures...

Twitter just doubled the character limit.

Also females will now be able to express themselves with a tweet.

Once upon a time, in the magical fantasy kingdom, there lived a young monk named Sam.

His order was renowned for their beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art. Their song floated down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the townspeople below.

Sam was particularly gifted, and on his 19th birthday, in mid-song,...

Tickets for the Indiana State Philharmonic went up dramatically after they doubled the width of the stage.

You didn't think that the ISP would give out twice the band width for free did you?

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