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Don't Smoke Jokes

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A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop! Hop! Hop! When he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed! Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest!"

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed.

The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run! Run! Run! Hop! Hop! Hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep.

This sheep is about to shoot up ...

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Fred, Velma, and Daphne don't smoke weed

But Shaggy and Scooby doobie do

Don't smoke kids,

Because smoking kids is illegal.

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Star Wars fans don't smoke cigarettes after sex...

They chew 'bacca

I don't cuss, I don't smoke, and I don't drink....

God damnit! I left my cigarettes at the bar!

"Bro, don't smoke. It's a slow killer."

"Nice, I'm not in a hurry to die either."

Hey do you know why they don't smoke pot in the middle east?

... apparently burning the Qur'an gets you way more stoned.

After seeing the Anti-Smoking campaign, I don't smoke anymore.

But I don't smoke any less, either.

A wealthy man met a beggar on the street.

The beggar pleaded to the wealthy man to give him a dollar to buy something to eat.

"You poor fellow," said the wealthy man. "Come with me and I'll buy you a drink."

"Actually, I don't drink. But I would like something to eat."

"Here, my friend. Take one of my Cuban cigars," the...

Don't smoke and pump gas

The other day I was filling up the car at the gas station so and then went inside to get a few snacks. When I walked up I noticed two cops watching a woman smoking a cigarette while filling up. I saw her & thought "what an idiot....with the police right there too". I went in & got my snacks....

Don't smoke

Unless you're on fire, then it's natural.

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A young man has sex for the first time

The young man was very nervous about having sex with his girlfriend for the very first time, because he was convinced that his penis would be too small.

Eventually he realized that he could not postpone it forever and he nervously invited her over to his house.

Hesitatingly he started ...

An American dropped into a pub in London for a drink and found it completely full of Brits.

An American dropped into a pub in London for a drink and found it completely full of Brits. After a few minutes, he saw a table for two with one middle-aged gentleman sitting at it. He walked over to the table and asked if he could sit down. The Brit replied, "Certainly. Please do."

The Ameri...

Even though I don't smoke cigarettes, I exclusively date women who do...

I figure if they're willing to suck on something that nasty, they'll suck just about anything.

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One day a small rabbit was taking a run through the forest.

As he was running he came upon a giraffe. This giraffe was about to shoot up some heroin. The rabbit looked at he giraffe for a moment and then said, "Giraffe, don't do heroin. Heroin is a drug, and drugs are bad for you. Come running with me through the forest."
The giraffe looked at the rabbit,...

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A rabbit spots a fox rolling a blunt

The rabbit dashes to him and shout : " Don't smoke weed man, just go for a run with me!"

And so they went for a run.

After a running for a bit they spot a squirrel ready to snort up a big fat line of coke.

The rabbit again dashes to him and shouts : "Mate, don't do it! just go f...

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Doctors advice

Jay's primary care doctor recently retired and that forced him to find a new one, which he did.

After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, Jay's new doctor said he was doing "fairly well for a man his age"… Having just turned forty-four in July, Jay was a little concerned about the doctor's c...

I put my d*ck in my blind girl's hand

She said no thanks I don't smoke..

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I ask my girl to have her lighter

She said babe you know I don't smoke I said I know but you eat fucking plenty

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So, I man is very under endowed and avoids sex before his wedding night.

In the dark he takes his bride's hand and puts it on his penis. She says "No thanks. I don't smoke."

I walked out of my local shop today...

...and outside was a tramp. Same guy as always, but I'd never talked to him before. As I passed, he said, "Excuse me, I don't suppose you have a spare cigarette I can have?". I looked around, and I was the only person in the vacinity, so I knew he was talking to me. "Sorry mate, I don't smoke." I re...

A man goes to see the doctor...

"Doctor," he says, "How healthy am I? Will I live for a long time?"

"Do you smoke?" the doctor asks.

"No," the man replies.

"Do you drink?"

"No."

"Do you eat red meat?"

"Nope."

"So," says the doctor. "You don't smoke, you don't drink booze and you don...

So there is this guy named Juan...

So there is this guy named Juan and Juan is a great guy. He doesn't drink he doesn't smoke, he doesn't beat his wife and kids. He doesn't kick his armadillo a cross the back yard.

One day, person number one comes up to him and says "Juan, you're a great guy. You don't drink. You don't smoke....

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My buddy picked up a girl

and she agreed to have sex with him, but he's always been ashamed of his small penis. So he takes the girl to a dark room, and puts his penis in her hand.
She says, "Oh, thanks, I don't smoke."

Generous man giving Beggar a hand.

Beggar: Give me food.
Man: I'll give U Vodka.
Beggar: I don't drink, give me food.
Man: I'll give U cigarettes.
Beggar: I don't smoke, give food.
Man: I'll take U to race.
Beggar: I don't gamble, give me food.
Man: I'll get U girl friend.
Beggar: I love only my wife.
Man: ...

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NSFW A Welsh coal miner is met at the door by his obviously angry wife....

when he arrives still drunk from the weekend on Sunday morning.

She asked him: "Did you not get paid Friday for working all month?"

He replies (with a belch): That I did, my lovely woman!"

She glares back at him, "And how much of that month's pay do you have left?"

Barely...

A patient walks in and says

Patient: Doctor, I have a problem. I feel unhealthy and depressed.
Doctor: You should cut down on drinks.
Patient: I don't touch a drop.
Doctor: You should cut down on smoking.
Patient: I don't smoke.
Doctor: You should stop taking drugs.
Patient: I don't do drugs.
Doctor...

A man writing in his diary:

I am an ideal man. I don't smoke, drink, or go to night clubs. I have always been loyal to my wife and don't flirt with strange women. I sleep at eight o'clock and wake up early. I exercise daily and work regular hours. But all this will change as soon as I get out of prison.

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A British Officer at a Frontier Post

In 1869, a young British officer, prim and proper, arrives at his new garrison post in the northwest frontier of British India. His commander gives him a tour of the somewhat dilapidated fort, and of its surrounding local villages.
"You see", says the commanding officer, "it's mostly camels ...

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