UPJOKE
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Don't Like Jokes

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I don't like the term 'Anal Bleaching'.

I prefer to call it 'changing my ringtone'.

I don't like over confident people

Edit: Thanks for the silver!

Edit2: thanks for the gold!

Edit3: thanks for the platinum!

Edit4: thanks guys! I never expected this post to blow up like it did!!

Edit5: thanks for the argentinium!

Edit6: thanks for the ternium!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have to tell my girlfriend that I don't like the fetish she's into...

But first I need to get some shit off my chest.

I heard the people of Dubai don't like the Flintstones...

But people in nearby Abu Dhabi do

Why don't Italians like Jehovah's witnesses?

Italians don't like ANY witnesses.

I don't like ladies with fat legs. I don't like ladies with thin legs.

I like something inbetween.

I don't like anti-vaxxers

They make me sick!

You know what I don't like about Canadians?

They think they're above US.

I don't like people who take drugs

For example, airport security.

A lot of people don't like Mondays

But 48 hours ago was a sadder day.

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I don't like braille porn

It's all fingering.

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I don't like to brag, but I have a huge sex drive.

It's almost up to 5 TB.

girls don't like boys who are punctual..

once this girl dumped me because i came early

Husband: I don't like three things about you. Wife: What things?

Husband: Your chin.

I don't like people who do Yoga

They're a bunch of posers if you aske me.

If you ever meet someone that you just don't like, try walking a mile in their shoes...

At least that way, you'll be a mile away from them - and they'll have no shoes to run & catch you with.

I don't like the word "steal".

I prefer "buy none get one free".

I don't like to brag

But my psychologist said I have the biggest ego he's ever seen.

I don't like Haikus; But I like ironic twists

I am conflicted

People don't like me reading over their shoulder on trains

And that's ridiculous because I'm not even that loud and I do all the voices.

I don't like discussing sunglasses with other people....

I find it to be a very polarizing subject

I don't like telling jokes about Muslims.

A lot of them have a very short fuse.

Boy: Mommy! I don't like my little brother!

Mom: Shut up and keep eating.

I don't like going to the barber's shop anymore!

He is always looking down on me.

The real reason women don't like guys under 6 feet.

Dead people really struggle to hold a conversation.

I don't like radiologists!

I always feel like they're looking right through me.

Why don't Dalmatians like to take baths?

Because they don't like to be spotless.

I don't like the word xenophobia!

It just sounds foreign to me

I don't like average looking boys.

They are quite 'mean'.

I don't like cocaine.

I just like the smell.

Everyone's using 24hr clock these days but I don't like it.

Not on my watch.

I don't like Moussaka

It's too Greecy

I don't like bragging about going to expensive places...

But I went to the gas station yesterday.

I don't like people who make "I didn't sleep last night" their entire personality

They are tiring to be around

If you like flowers but don't like gardening

Run over a kid outside your driveway

-Jimmy Carr

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I don't like to call it "masterbation"

I refer to it as a "do it yourself project"

I don't care if you don't like space puns. I like space puns.

Comet me bro.

Two things that I don't like about myself are procrastination and the habit of forgetting things.

But the good thing is that I don't procrastinate.

I don't like sidescrolling games on pc...

most of the time it's just d-pressing.

I don't like Muslin Afghans and think people should stone them.

A good stonewash can make muslin fabric softer and more flexible which is better suited for afghans and blankets in general, otherwise just go with a soft acrylic yarn.

"I don't like to send money via texts, so I need you to prove you're really my nephew. How many fingers am I holding up on my right hand?"

--This is a text, how should I know?

"I'm an amputee, and you'd know"

I don't like Fahrenheit. I don't like Celsius. I don't like Kelvin.

I prefer to measure my degrees in Radians.

I don't like watching sad movies.

If i wanted to cry I'd open my wallet instead.

I don't like jokes because my sense of humor are like my dad....

gone

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I don't like sex in the shower.

It's slippery, dangerous and one of the worst things about prison.

If you don't like the way women drive,

Stay off the sidewalk.

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I just don't understand why black people don't like the police

They have tons of great songs and Sting is a great singer

I don't like coffee

It's not my cup of tea

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Tenacious D don't like boobs.

They are butt men.

I don't like to eat anything labeled "reformed ham"

As I think it is unfair that the pigs are slaughtered after they've got their lives back on track.

I don't like ninja jokes

I never see them coming!

Some people don't like vegetable puns...

but I don't carrot all about their opinions.

I don't know why employers don't like neck tattoos

It shows you can sit in one spot for hours while tiny needles are jabbed into your skin, which is what every meeting I've ever been in feels like.

Russians really don't like to share.

I just bought a new apartment the other day and went to say hi to one of my new Russian neighbors.
Instantly this guy just says "private" or "privet" or something like that.
I just wanted to say hi...

I don't like to brag...

... about not bragging.

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I don't like domestic violence..

I like international violence, So I take my wife to Japan, Thailand, Croatia.


Just a joke guys..
I don't have money to travel this much..

Being racist is like saying you don't like red skittles

They may be a different colour but they still taste about the same

I don't like that clown from IT.

He's always fooling around and cracking jokes instead of fixing our computers.

I don't like stairs.

They're always up to something. I'm taking steps to avoid them.

I don't like political jokes

Too many of them get elected.

I don't like to illegally download music.

I'm afraid I'll get FLAC.

I don't like the injection nurse

He's a real prick

I don't see why teachers don't like double negatives,

I think they're quite positive.

I don't like making 9/11 jokes.

in my experience, they never land well.

I don't like people who waste my time.

Damn clock suckers.

I don't like term "dad bod"

I prefer "*father figure*"

My girlfriend says she may break up with me because I don't like cats...

I told her, "I like cats, I just can't eat a whole one by myself."

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I really don't like tight spaces.

That's why I shag your mum.

I don't like haggis

It's offal

I don't know why people don't like the mummy movies...

I think they get a bad wrap

"I don't like to call it the One Ring"

"I prefer 'unexpected item in the Baggins area'"

I don't like talking about my childhood as a church choir boy

it is a touchy subject

I don't like joking about power outages.

It is dark humor.

I don't like yo mama jokes. They've been done by thousands of ppl

Just like yo mama

"Mom, I don't like grandma..."

"Shut up and eat what's on your plate!"

If you don't like vinegar, but you use it anyway...

You'll have...... vinaigrette.

I don't like gravity

It brings me down

I don't like cheese...

Maybe I'm just uncultured.

I don't like the new guy my neighbor has

He's awful if you ask me. Looks alone. Kinda short and barely any hair. Then he's lying in bed all day, and if he's not sleeping he's screaming at her. Also hitting the bottle quite heavily and probably didn't work a single day in his whole life.

I really can't figure out what people see in b...

I don't like Swiss cheese.

It's the way it's always holier than thou.

I don't like dodecahedrons

They are too edgy for me.

I don't like teachers who make me calculate with humans.

They commit math genocide on a daily basis.

I don't like computer science jokes...

Not one bit.

Why dentist don't like PHD holders ?

cause people call them doctors.

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