UPJOKE
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Don't Get Jokes

I don't get the point of threesomes.

If I want to disappoint two people at once, I take my parents out for dinner.

TIL that children that don't get vaccines are actually less likely to be autistic

Cause they're more likely to be dead.

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I just don't get how the german people could fall for Hitler and the Nazis

There were an awful lot of red flags.

What happens when you don't get any upvotes on your cake day....

You feel desserted.

How come ants don't get sick?

...because they have lil' anty-bodies

*runs away*

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I was on the bus with my gf and this smoking hot Thai chick sat next to me. I thought "don't get a boner, don't get a boner."

But she did.

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I don't get the point of a lap dance

If I wanted a woman to take my money and frustrate me sexually, I would've stayed home with my wife

My mom said that if I don't get off my computer and do my homework, she's gonna slam my head on the keyboard.

But I don’t give a fuskhhkxkhdkhhskhd

I don't get the appeal of school shooter jokes.

I guess they're aimed at a younger audience.

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I don't get what's so hard about No Nut November

It's the 3rd day and I haven't eaten any nuts yet. I just distract myself by constantly masturbating all day.

People make such a big deal about vegans, but I don't get it.

I've never had a beef with one.

My wife told me she'd slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.

Don't worry guys, i think she's jokinejkodoworkfjcjkskoe394oo2oc2i2fkf2uu3ug25r2u

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Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."

Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."

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For all those who don't get the bus driver comments on every post here

First off, I know this is an old joke. It's like the oldest joke. But on every other joke that's posted on this sub, it gets referenced, and there's always at least one reply who doesn't get it. I've explained the reference to like 4 people today and this seems like a better solution. So here it i...

My wife said to me, if you don't get off of the computer and help with the housework, she will bash my head on the keyboard.

But I think she's JockingFsss475241HHHNM,GDSADGHKLL;/UYRT5555rrrEEEEEEEEEECHHHHHHHHHHHHII003333454587111,KUJYTFB""""3u8ol;[45668kbnt72111vb ki90l.YJNMLGDASEDRUKOML'M :][EYRTYB;JIOI#M#KYFU6DCK ;/[]/

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Son - "Mom, don't get scared but I'm calling you from the hospital..."

Mom - "Son you've been a doctor for 4 years, and you still go on with that shit."

I don't get anti-vaxxers.

If you want a trial version of a kid why don't you borrow your friend's and babysit it instead of letting your own expire?

The following is a joke from 'Harry Hills Whopping Great Joke Book' and I really don't get it. Could anyone enlighten me?

My wife is a stickler for tidiness. I just bought her a cuckoo clock and she's started putting paper under it.

Christians don't get angry.

They get cross.

Don't get lost in the mountains

Disclaimer: I know this is a childish joke, but I like it and when you tell this one at a party with drunken people, you can almost guarantee a laugh from everyone.

A journalist went to a village in a mountain range to learn about their traditions. He walks up to the village elder and asks: "...

Don't get in line behind Lucifer at the tax office

The devil takes many forms.

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70% of people don't get enough fiber in their diet.

Tough shit.

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This is a joke don't get butt hurt

A Beer is always wet, a woman is not..1 point for beer!

Beer is horrible, when it is hot..1 point for women!

A cold beer satisfies you..1 point for beer!

For a beer, you pay taxes..1 point for women!

If you take a second beer, the first one doesn't get angry..1 point ...

Don't get mad at me but,

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I don't get how someone can hate on lazy people...

...they didn't do anything

I don't get why money is such a taboo in job interviews.

It would be much easier if they just accepted my bribe.

I don't get how a member of the Kim Jong family dies randomly

He wasn't even Il

I don't get computer-related jokes.

..not even a bit.

I don't get why wife hates me for being a lazy bum.

It's not like I did anything.

I don't get why there are so many social justice warriors

Why don't people want to play as social justice mages or social justice rangers?

LPT: Don't get your animals delivered.

It turns out they need their liver.

Please, don't get Covid-19

They are releasing Covid-20 in September and it's much better.

I don't get why Trump is angry about being impeached

He finally got something that Obama didn't get.

I don't get what's so funny about time travel jokes

when you first have to read them.

I don't get Halloween. It's perfectly fine for kids to go to strangers homes and ask for candy.

But I go driving around in my van offering kids candy, I get reported to the police!

Don't get involved in organized insect crimes.

The mothia is ruthless.

I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat

I'm already on stage four

You usually don't get British Breakfast in Thailand..

but you will ocassionaly find two eggs and a sausage in places, where you were not even hoping for it.

"If you don't get us a dog you don't love me" Says my daughter.

"That sounds like blackmail" I said back.

My daughter runs to my wife and shouted "Dad said we would have a dog as long as it is a black male!"

Something on Valentines Day I just don't get...

Laid.

People in wheelchairs just don't get humor.

They never know when you're pulling their leg.

I don't get why some people only drink carbonated water.

The alternative is still water.

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I don't get scatological humor.

That shit isn't funny to me.

In the age of streaming, I don't get why I have to watch re-runs from the 60/70s whenever I turn on the TV

Inflation going rampant, NASA going to the moon, Russia/US on the brink of war.....

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Why Older Men don't get hired.

HR. Manager: What would you consider your greatest weakness?

Old Man: "My honesty."

HR. Manager: "I don't think honesty is a weakness."

Old Man: "I don't give a fuck what you think."

(Don't Get Mad) If you ever get mad, punch an orphan.

What'll they do, tell their parents?

You order one pizza and you love it. Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread. Before you know it, you're eating pizzas for every meal and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one...

That's the domino effect...

When two people don't get along, they have a "beef"

But if they were vegetarian, do they Squash it?

What vaxxers don't get is...

Measles.

I don't get why people think "War and Peace" is a tough read.

It's only 3 words.

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I really don't get all the love for the HP books...

I've read them multiple times, but still my printer won't fucking work.

I feel bad for the jokers that don't get this reference.

Knock knock

Who's there?

Apitydef

Apitydef who?

Ok there, Mr. T.

I don't get what all the fuss is about. Giving up smoking is so easy!

I've done it hundreds of times.

I don't get why Clubbing Seals is so controversial?

I mean, I'm kinda curious what sort of music they listen to?

I don't get why people think pee is stored in the balls. It is a fact that pee is stored in the BLADDER.

There is a vas deferens between the two.

The people of Dubai don't get Flintstone's humor.

But the people of Abu Dabi do.

“Mom, don't get alarmed, but I’m at the hospital.”

“Son, please. You’ve been a surgeon there for 8 years now. Can we start our phone calls differently?”

Here's what I don't get about octopii

Why do they have tentacles? I only count 8

I don't get why people are ripping on Trump for not being tested for the coronavirus.

Let's be honest here, even that thing wouldn't voluntarily touch him.

I don't get it. When Civet's do it, it's the "smoothest" and "best" coffee.

When I do it, it's "disgusting" "depraved" and they shut down my cafe......

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I don't get why good girls always go for assholes.

I don't even like pegging

I don't get why I just got seated in the back of the police car...

I clearly called shotgun.

I don't get why people are upset that some people with the same name met and hung out.

After all, they were just Joshing.

I don't get why pregnant women crave pickles.

A pickle is what got them pregnant in the first place.

Can we mix up the "yo momma" jokes on this sub? They're easy, fun, and don't get done enough.

Just like yo sista.

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I don't get why people hate condoms that much.

It's just a piece of fucking rubber.

I don't get people who call it a first world problem when they can't charge their phones

African kids can't charge their phones either.

I don't get football....

At the beginning of the game, they flip a quarter to see who kicks off first. Then the rest of the game everybody just keeps trying to "get the quarter back". I mean, it's just a quarter, what's the big deal!?!

I don't understand why I don't get a date!

-I don't understand why I don't get a date!

-Did you try without your mustache?

-No.

-Maybe you should Jennifer... maybe you should.

If you don't get first place in someone's heart

just remember that you got first place in someone's fallopian tube.

Why don't kleptomaniacs don't get puns?

They're always taking everything, literally.

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What's up with anal sex? I don't get it.

Thankfully.

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I hope you don't get your period on Valentine's Day.

It's going to be a pain in the ass.

I don't get why incest jokes aren't popular.

They're all family oriented

I don't get the fuss about all the palindrome jokes on this sub lately...

they all go the same either way.

I don't get it...

Getting off is fun, getting laid is even more fun. But getting laid off isn't fun at all.

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I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai bird. I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection."

But she did.

I don't get why women keep complaining about this "glass ceiling"

Where I work we have this cool glass floor, though.

A very badly beaten up man came to hospital. Doctor asked what the hell had happened to him.

Man: I was banging my neighbor over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said:" It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!".

Thinking back, I really should have ran but you don't get offers like that every day.

I don't get why people are going on about no nut November

It's like any other month if you are married.

Millennials don't get this...

Low college tuition rates.

I don't get women.

My wife said she bought this lingerie for me, but then got boiling angry when I put it on.

Think New Yorkers don't get along? I just saw two complete strangers share a cab...

One took the wheels and tires, the other took the battery and the radio.

Don't get confused between the testes and the urethra

There's a vas deferens between them

I don't understand why certain people don't get communist jokes

All it takes is a little common sense.

I don't get it! The kids are crying and won't call me mom,

But everyone says you are what you eat!

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Little Johnny comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said Little Johnny..

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.

He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mothe...

The kids in Dubai don't get to watch the Flintstones...

...But the ones in Abu Dhabi dooo!

PSA: Don't get a cheap circumcision.

Usually, it's a rip-off.

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