UPJOKE
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Don't Understand Jokes

I don't understand all these jokes about mothers-in-law.

Mine is sweet, supportive, and a great influence on me and my wife. I can't say anything bad about her.
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People who don't understand the difference between...

People who don't understand the difference between etymology and entomology bug me in ways I can't put into words.
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My boyfriend doesn't know me at all, he keeps giving me birds as gifts, and I don't understand it. Should we break up?

Edit: He actually just gave me five golden rings! Maybe he really does know me (:

Edit2: More birds again
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I don't understand time zones!

How is it possible that in Europe it is today.
In Australia it is tomorrow.
And in Alabama it is 1890?
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Two guys were working at the airport, when a foreigner walked up to them. He asked them in Spanish, where the luggage pick up was. Neither could understand him, so they raised their hands and shook their heads that they don't understand...

He asked again, in German.

Again, the two workers did not understand him.

He tried in Polish and then again in French, but both times, the employees couldn't understand him.

He walked away trying to find someone else who could help him.

One guy turned to the other guy and...
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I don't understand why they say hundreds of people lost in Squid Game.

In the end, 45.6 billion won.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't understand why everyone thinks the KKK are racist.

Every week at our meetings there's always tons of black people hanging around.

| don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals.

It's pointless.



But, anyway. You gotta draw the line somewhere, or
else people will think you're being irrational. But
that is beside the point.
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I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass.

I mean, I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone.

My friend told me that I don't understand the meaning of irony...

...which was ironic because we were at a train station
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I don't understand why some people say, "Taco Bell isn't real Mexican."

It gets the job done for less than half the cost. That's about as Mexican as it gets.
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I don't understand why people spoil movies...

What's their endgame?
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The "Sir Sandwich" (I don't understand this joke!)

This joke appeared on Everybody Loves Raymond and I don't get it:

Our drill sergeant stressed to us the importance of addressing all officers with what he called a “Sir Sandwich.” “Sir, yes Sir!” “Sir, I don’t know, Sir!” and the like. A few days later a colonel approached me in the motor poo...
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I don't understand why people are celebrating pi day.

It's irrational.
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I don't understand why dogs are called "Man's best friend."

Even my worst enemy wouldn't take a shit in my yard while staring me in the eye.

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I don't understand why incels are so upset all the time.

Seriously, they're mad about fucking nothing.

Wife: I don't understand why, but you have no sense of direction whatsoever.

Husband : Where did that come from?
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I don't understand Christians

They say that gambling is wrong, but they bet their entire life on there being a heaven.
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I don't understand how cemeteries can raise their prices

and blame the cost of living
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I just don't understand why water doesn't slosh around in tanker trucks. It must be one of life's great mysteries.

Everyone I talk to agrees it's baffling.
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I don't understand my wife, once a month she loses her temper at me.

I think it's just a bloody ovaryaction.
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I don't understand why everyone says Chuck Norris is awesome.

Now, if you'll excuse me, there's someone at my front door.
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I don't understand why Marvel hasn't put any advertisements on the Hulk

The guy is essentially a giant banner.

My wife and I got into an argument because she said I don't understand the concept of irony.

Ironically, we were at a bus depot at the time.
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I don't understand the biology of hair growth

It just goes over my head
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I don't understand women...

I woke up this morning and asked my wife, "what's wrong", and she said, "nothing".

At breakfast I asked her "what's wrong" and she said, "nothing". I asked her again on the way out of the house, phoned her on the way to work, called her every half hour at work, met her for lunch and asked her...

I don't understand all the hate for Ajit Pai. He's just doing his job.

If he didn't, Verizon would probably fire him.
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I can't believe how many people don't understand erectile dysfunction.

I mean, it's not hard.
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"I don't understand how you always stay so calm when we're having an argument,"...

....a man told his wife. "How do you do it?"

"I stay calm because I know that, even if you get the last word, as you often do" she replied with a shrug, "I'll get to clean our toilet."



"How in the world does that help?" he asked.



"I always use your toothbrush," ...
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I don't understand sigma males

It just doesn't add up
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If your computer isn't working properly and you don't understand why...

...just hit it a bunch of times with a hammer. It still won't work properly, but at least you'll understand why.
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I don't understand why women love singing "Let it go"...

...Since most of them keep grudges for life.
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Lately people seem to think I'm from Kent, I don't understand it..

But I keep hearing everyone whisper it when I walk past.
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I don't understand how people can spend hours binging netflix

Surely it's the first search result
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The son said to his father " I don't understand politics dad ''

The father said " I'll give you an example. I bring money to the family, so I represent the upper class. Your mom uses the money on whatever necessary, she is the goverment. The maid who's doing the chores represents the working class. Your grandpa watches what's going on and assures everything is a...

I don't understand why guys think it's so difficult to take off a girl's bra.

I can do it with both hands behind my back!
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I don't understand how so many people struggle to find basic words in the dictionary.

I had no less than 5 people tell me that "gullible" is not in the dictionary. The smug assholes just laughed when I proved their dumb asses wrong.

I don't understand women

I thought opening a door for a lady was the polite thing to do, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.
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To those who don't understand cloning...

It makes two of us.
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For those who don't understand why management at Netflix has collectively shit the bed.

It's a Heard mentality.

It's obvious people offering UFO conspiracy theories don't understand basic science.

If they did, they'd be offering UFO conspiracy hypotheses.
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I don't understand statistics like mean, mode and median

Is that normal?
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I don't understand why people are still using shampoo...

When they could be using **real** poo
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Sometimes I'll ask my blind friend "Can you tell me what this says? It's in braille and I don't understand it" and then hand him a Lego.

Apparently all Legos say "Fuck you, dude!"

Justin Bieber has said, "I feel like the Kurt Cobain of my generation, but people just don't understand me."

By a curious co-incidence, Kurt Cobain, contacted in a seance, said, "I felt like the Justin Bieber of my generation, so I killed myself."
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I really don't understand Russia's obsession with the British weather

It's only UK Rain
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Some of my friends are really hurtful. I feel like many of them don't understand the meaning of the word "commitment".

I've invited them to four of my weddings in the past two years and they haven't attended any of them.
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A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. "Why?"

"Because," the doctor says. "I'm trying to examine you."

I don't understand the point of threesomes.

If I want to disappoint two people, I can just have dinner with my parents.
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I recently read an article that claimed 77% of redditors don't understand the concept of percentages.

That's absurd, there isn't even that many of us.
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I don't understand why the police train up bomb dogs to work at the airport

They're all colourblind and always cut the wrong wire
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I don't understand French women.

Or French men, I don't understand French.
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I don't understand the opposition to same sex marriage.

Isn't the whole point of marriage to have the same sex for the rest of your life?

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I don't understand women...

One word out of place, just ONE word, and she's packing her bloody bags.

She asked me why I take my wedding ring off before sex. I just shrugged and said "Habit".

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I don't understand girls My girlfriend used to say she can't have sex before marriage

Now she is married and says she can't have sex because she is married

I still don't understand why they call it a nursing home.

There is no way any of those old ladies are lactating.
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I really don't understand why some people chooses to be child free.

Have they ever stop and think about who's going to avenge their death if they get murdered?
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Statistics say that 2 out of 10 people don't understand how percentages work.

Unlike us, the other 90%.
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My friend says I don't understand the meaning of "irony"

Despite the fact I keep telling him it's "metallic"
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My wife tells me to stop using big words I don't understand

I think she's just over-ejaculating.

50% of being a lawyer is the ability to use latin phrases that people don't understand

the other 50% is *ad hoc ergo propter hoc*
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The rest of my class complained when we were told we're getting the Classical Civilisation class, but I don't understand why.

It's such an interesting topic. I've always wanted to learn about my parents' childhood.
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I just don't understand why black people don't like the police

They have tons of great songs and Sting is a great singer

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I showed my grandfather some BDSM porn on his new computer. He said, "I just don't understand you young whippersnappers."

I think he meant: "snapper whippers."

I don't understand why people pay for things with exact dollar amounts...

... It makes no cents.
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I don't understand it. My company told all employees to get tested for COVID-19, and to stay home until they get the test results. I got tested and called my boss to tell him I'm coming back to work on Monday. He asked me if I'm sure my test came back negative.

I told him I was positive. He told me to stay home.
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Something I don't understand.

I **never** get why some people randomly emphasis a few odd words in a paragraph. Are you **gonna** just read the emphasised words? When you write like this, does it **give you** a sense of satisfaction? What's **up** with that?
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I don't understand why christian people hate people with piercings.

Jesus had 4 of them.
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I don't understand why women like to have so many pillows on the bed..

You need only one to smother your husband.
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I don't understand why people think money grows on trees when clearly, it actually grows on shrubbery.

That's where hedge funds come from!
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People keep telling me to take an Anger Management class, but I don't understand why...

I already know how to piss off management, why would I need to take a class for it?

I don't understand why people say it's hard to quit smoking

I have done it twenty times a day for years now.
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I don't understand how one can come in second place in biathlon...

...when you got a rifle with you.
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I don't understand what the church has against trigonometry.

And they only forgive sin but not cos or tan.
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I don't understand why everyone is so concerned about the Novel "Coronavirus"...

Personally, I'm waiting for Coronavirus the movie to come out before I make up my mind.
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I like to use big words that I don't understand-

they make me seem more photosynthesis.
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I don't understand people who lives near swamp yet complains about the mosquitoes.

They're not bugs, they are the feature.
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I don't understand the appeal of Rorshac tests.

They all look like my parents fighting
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I don't understand why people make jokes out of 9/11

Those jokes are just plane wrong
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My friends don't understand why I'm leaving my wife for another one.

They say it should at least be a two or three.
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I don't understand why everyone is upset about the Russian vaccine nothaving a thirdclinical trial.

I was under the impression that giving it to millions of Russian citizens is the trial.
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I don't understand chinese philosophy.

It Confucius me.
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I don't understand why Medusa has such a bad rep.

Nobody that's met her has ever said anything bad about her.
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I don't understand what the big deal with slavery was.

From the sounds of it, a lot of them were educated since so many of them had their Masters.
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