Guide Dog Jokes - 46 Hilarious Guide Dog Jokes

A blind man walks into a bar with his guide dog.

Without saying a word, the man takes the leash of his dog and swings the dog above his head in a circle like a lasso.

After a short time, the barman finally asks "what are you doing?!"

Thereupon the blind man says: Oh, I just wanted to take a look around.

A man with a great dane and a man with a Chihuahua go to a bar, but it says “no pets allowed”

One man says to the other “how will we bring our dogs inside?”
The second man gives the first a pair of very dark sunglasses and says “do what I do.”
He goes inside and the manager says “Sorry, no pets allowed.”
The man says “You don’t understand. This is my guide dog.”
“A great dane? ...

My guide dog doesn't trust me.

I can tell by the look in his eyes.

Two men are walking their dogs (a doberman and a chihuahua) when they see a restaurant.

They're pretty hungry, do they decide to head in for a bite to eat. Unfortunately, they see a sign out front that says "NO DOGS ALLOWED".

The man with the doberman says "I know what to do, just follow my lead." He throws on a pair of sunglasses and walks in.

The waiter tells him "I'm s...

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Blind Pilots

Two men dressed in pilots' uniforms walk up the aisle of the aircraft. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit the door closes, and th...

A blind man with a guide dog went into a store. Suddenly the man picked his dog up by the tail and started turning around in place. The store clerk, alarmed by this strange behavior said , "can I help you? "

“No thanks said the blind man. I’m just taking a look around.”

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Why don't blind people clean up their guide dogs' poop? .

Because they can't see shit

A blind man with a guide dog comes to the town square

And he takes the dog by the tail and starts whirling him around.

"What on earth are you doing?!“ asks a passer-by.

The blind man replies "Nothing, just looking around a bit.“

A Blind Man And His Guide Dog Walks In To A Grocery Store.

He picks up his guide dog by the tail, and starts swinging it around over his head.

One of the employees ask: "Uhm.. Can I help you sir?"

The man replies: "No, I'm just having a look around!"

There is a blind guy called Miles, what is the name of his guide dog?

Roger Daltrey.

Guide dogs

Two guys were out walking their dogs on a hot day when they pass by a bar. The first guy says, “Let’s go in there for a pint.”

The second guy says, “They won’t let us in with our dogs.”

First guy: “Sure they will, just follow my lead.”

He goes up to the pub, and sure enough, the...

Two guys are walking down the road with their dogs, one guy has a doberman and the other has a chihuahua, when they come across a restaurant

They want to go in but there's a sign on the door that says "no pets allowed - service dogs only". The guy with the doberman says, "don't worry I got this." He proceeds to put on a dark pair of sunglasses and walks inside.

The manager comes up to him and says, "sir, you can't have your dog in...

Two guys took their dogs for a stroll....

... and after a while the one says:

Dog Owner A: Let's go and get something to bite at this restaurant over here.

Dog Owner B: Can't do. They don't accept pets.

Dog Owner A: No worries. Just follow me and do as I do.

So the guy puts on his shades and enters confidently th...

A blind man and his guide dog walk into a bar

The man just stands there for a few seconds, then suddenly, he starts swinging his guide dog around by his leash.
The bartender, shocked, asks the man: “what the hell are you doing with that dog?”
The blind man replied: “I’m just looking around”

My friends set me up on a blind date.

I can’t wait to see her guide dog!

A blind man with a guide dog walks down a busy street.

Out of nowhere the dog starts to lead him onto the road and into oncoming traffic. Just before the blind man is hit by a truck, a man pulls him off the road with the dog. After realising what's happened the blind man gives his dog a treat, his rescuer asks
'He's just nearly killed you, what are y...

Blind man walks into a store

He grabs his guide dog by the tail and lifts it into the air then spins it around his head.

Setting the dog back on the floor he turns to leave. The manager stops him and asks “Can I Help You?” …. “Nope, I’m just looking around.”

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Scream

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way.

The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be bl...

No Dogs Allowed.

A man goes into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink.

The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my guide dog."

"Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes ...

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I was walking down the street the other day and I saw a guide dog piss on his owners leg...

To my disbelief the blind old guy reached into his pocket and got out a treat for the dog and fed it to him. I went over and said ''Hey, your dog just pissed on your leg you know, how come you're giving him treats?''

He said ''I'm trying to see which end his mouth is 'cause he's getting a kic...

Three guys are walking their dogs and they see a bar

"I could really go for a drink," says the first guy. The two other guys agree, but as they get closer to the bar they see that there are no dogs allowed inside.

"I guess we can't go in, as there is nowhere to tie up our dogs," the second guy says.

"That's where you're wrong," the first...

A blind man walks into a department store..

And after hesitantly taking a moment to listen to the sounds of his surroundings, he proceeds to the middle of the store, picks up his guide dog and starts swinging it around by its’ leash in wide looping circles above his head.

Seeing this unfold, a store clerk quickly runs over before inte...

A blind man is walking the busy streets of the city with the help of his guide dog...

He senses himself coming closer to a busy street with cars driving left and right beeping at each other and driving fast. The dog, urges the man to walk despite the obvious sounds of ongoing traffic. He pulls his dog back, the dog walks harder urging him to walk but the man pulls him back again even...

Two dogs and a cat die and go to heaven.

Two dogs and a cat die and go to heaven.

They are brought before God, who interviews them to determine their fate. He asks the first dog, "What did you do when you were alive on earth?"

The first dog answers, "For 15 years I was a guide dog for a blind person. I was kil...

How does a blind parachutist know when he's near the ground?

The lead on his guide dog goes slack.

Two men go for a run with their dogs.

They jog around the park for nearly an hour before one of the guys asks his friend if he wants to get a drink. The other guy says yes, so they jog to a small pub not far from the park. Unfortunately, there is a “no dogs” sign posted on the door.

“Don’t worry,” one of the guys says, “follow m...

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TIL On May 25th 2001, a blind man named Erik Weihenmayer climbed the top of Mount Everest...

When asked how he feels, he said "I'm gonna kill that fucking guide dog of mine!"

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A vicar goes to an blind lady’s house for a cup of tea...

...and her guide dog sits under his chair
He had had sprouts the night before so was full of wind and he let out a fart
“Rover!!” The blind lady shouts, as if to chastise her dog
He thinks to himself “this is great, I can blame the dog on my wind!” And lets out another fart
“Rover!!!!!” ...

A blind man walks into a shop with a chihuahua...

wearing black sunglasses and a walking cane.

A shop assistant comes over and says "sorry sir, but we don't allow dogs in here".
The man replies, "but this is my guide dog!".
"Oh.." says the shop assistant, "I thought they were meant to be labradors?"
The man says "oh god, what hav...

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The airplane is already full, passengers seated, but the cockpit is empty

Suddenly the rear door of the plane opens, and the two pilots make their way in - one is using a blind man cane, the other a guide dog. Slowly they make their way forward through the aisle in the general laughter of the passengers.

But the laughter dies down as the pilots enter the cockpit an...

Two Guys Are Out Walking Their Dogs

They decide they want to get a drink at the bar. They begin to walk there, but realize they can't get in with their dogs. The first guy says "Follow my lead."

SO the first guy goes in with his dog and is stopped by the guard. The guard tells him he can't go in with the dog. "Its a guide dog, ...

How did the blind skydiver know when he was getting close to the ground?

The leash on his guide dog went limp.

What's the best part about a blind date?

The guide dogs.

A blind man walks into a bar...

He makes his way in and grabs his guide dog's lead. Without a moment's hesitation the man hurls the dog into the air and swings it around the room, faster and faster.

"WOAH WOAH WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" yells the barman.

.... "Just taking a look around" he replies.

a blind man is waiting to cross a busy street......

when suddenly his guide dog dashes into traffic, dragging the blind man with him. Brakes squeal, horns honk, drivers yell and cars get rear-ended, but man and dog make it to the other side without a scratch. A crowd starts to gather around the man and dog, curious to see how the man will discipline ...

A guy goes skydiving for the first time...

... and while he's in the plane he's looking at his fellow jumpers. He's quite surprised when he sees that among them is a blind man, with his guide dog. After a bit of internal debate about minding his own business, curiosity wins out and he decides to just ask.

"Excuse me, but are you blind...

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I was alone

on a late train last night when a gorgeous cute girl got on and sat directly across from me. I couldn't help but notice her skirt had ridden up revealing her panties to me.

She showed no interest in hiding her charms, her face was expressionless and she exuded an aloof sexuality I co...

Blind Guy Walks Into a Bar

A blind guy with a guide dog walks into a bar. Suddenly, he yanks on the dog's leash, swings it above his head, and smashes tables and chairs with the poor yelping animal while the patrons flee in fear.
After he's wrecked the place and stopped swinging the dog, he picks up a stool, sits dow...

A blind man goes to optician

for a check up. The optician takes his guide dog away, replaces it with another and asks, 'Is this better?'

A blind man walked into a bar

And ordered a drink like a normal person. Because blind people have walking sticks, sometimes guide dogs, and aren’t stupid.

Sold The Suit

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him.

"Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly
suit we've had so long!"

"Do y...

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Fright flight!

After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, the flight attendant announces over the intercom that, "We're just waiting for the pilots."

The passengers look out the windows, and see two men, dressed in pilot's uniforms, walking towards the plane.

Both men are using guide dogs and ap...

Jokes about Dad's new glasses

My Dad needs glasses for the first time. He's in his 50s and needs them for reading small print. Happens to most people with age. No biggie...
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However, I have worn glasses from a young age and he mocked me mercilessly for being a specky four-eyes with neverending delight. So now I have my op...

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Did you hear that they cancelled bungee jumping for blind people?

It scared the shit out of the guide dogs.

How a blind skydiver knows he's going to land?

Guide dogs leash gets loose

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Pilots

One day the passengers of a flight were waiting impatiently for takeoff. After a few minutes, they notice two men dressed as pilots with white canes and guide dogs make their way into the cockpit. The mood of the plane shifts dramatically from impatient and anxious to scared and skeptical as the pla...

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