What do my dms and a vegan get together have in common

There's a whole lot of unwanted meet

How did the horse slide into the other horse’s dm’s?

hay

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An e-girl hit my dms and asked if I wanted to buy nudes.

I said nah I'm broke I don't have any money. She said cmon they're really cheap. And I said no Im still broke and she said pleeeeeeeaaaase it's only 3.50 and then I realized that this e-girl was about 8 stories tall and was a crustacean from the protozoic era. I said dammit Loch Ness monster I ain't...

What do you call a personal message that motivates one to feel alive and do things?

Carpe DM

DM me if you want to turn your $100

Into my $100

What is it called when you need to get a hold of someone's private messages for incriminating evidence?

Carpe DM

Did you hear the joke about censorship?

You might expect to simply see the word \[removed\] here, but actually most censorship is self-censorship whereby people edit their own work to pre-empt any conflict with the censors, so please DM me for the answer to this joke

How do Instagram models get paid?

Per DM

What do you call someone who breaks up with you via DM?

DMX

Looking to play a game of D&D. If anyone is interested, please

DM me

Chemistry joke.

A Chinese chemist took part in a chef competition in UK. His English was barely passable during the presentations, but his cooking skills were great, and he went on qualifying. In the last round, he got tied with another contestant for the first place. So an innovative tie-breaker was devised. Each ...

I don’t get why pro athletes feel the need to hit women...

...just reply to the next one in your DMs if she isn’t acting right.

This Zamboni operator skidded out of control into our Dungeons & Dragons meeting

Why he be all slidin into my DMs

A redditor walks into r/jokes

A redditor walks into r/jokes, and decides to have a seat. Pretty soon, someone posts

"843!"

It gets tons of upvotes and comments, and everybody has a great laugh. Then someone posts

"91"

Again, in come the upvotes and comments, lots of laughing in the sub. This happens s...

I think I forgot my gmail password.

Yo CIA could you DM it to me?

Playing D&D with the kids... (Long)

Kids need a 4th party member, no one around, I should join. Roll a all charisma character.

...

DM: City guard catches you stealing, what do you do?

The rest of the party panics.

Me: Is the head guard a woman?

DM: Yes.

Me: I will seduce her and ask her not to...

A fun story about Dungeons and Dragons

I remember reading this great story, goes somewhere along these lines:

The party is traveling on a mountain in a blizzard, and every member rolls to see if they fall from the cliff. A dwarf warrior doesn't pass the check due to his armor, and falls.

DM: You fall from the cliff but hav...

I'm going to buy my Dungeon Master a goldfish

So I can carp a DM

Sign above an Instagram entrepreneur's door:

"Carpe DM"

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